A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I moved out a month ago because my boyfriend felt caged in and wanted out frankly so did I. He wants to have sex with other women and wants me to be tolerant. I do not believe that he can or wants to establish boundaries with these women that would preserve the integrity of our relationship. I have given hard a real hard time about this while we were together. We are trying on friendship so we still talk. Since we split he has seen a woman he has a long standing sexual relationship with. She has him on the hook with threesomes but she overseas so he saw her only three time this year. He is also now having sex with the cleaning woman he hired since I left. While he is telling me this I get really emotionally heightened and sexually turned on by this. I started to fantasize about seeing him do these things and I asked him if I could watch him and the housekeeper have sex. Now I told him I would never have sex with him again for my own safety so I don't understand myself at all. Why is this turning me on and why do I want to see him have sex with another woman? I still really love this man, I am beginning to think maybe I like him like this way and we should just try again and see if I can handle it. He wants me to watch and she is ok with that. Why am I so mixed up? I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish here . Help
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): is just so agree with hijacked_dignity...
these are just "fantafantasies" as you said. and you will only find it turns you on talking about him having sex with another woman, because he is saying it to you and you love him and you want him, dont give yourself for a man that he doesnt put you as his priority. and even if you really think that you gona be ok and you like it, trust me you wont when it comes real, as how can you love a man and welling to share him, and how is he in love with you and he is welling to give him self and sleep with all other women. if you really love him as you say it will hurt you... just keep away from him.
A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 What your boyfriend wants is an open marriage/relationship - so that he can have your blessing to sleep with any woman he chooses...
You both have parted ways, which shows that there are problems in the relationship - yet you want to try again just so that you can watch him having sex with other women??
If you love him so much then why would you want to share him with other women..?? and IF he loved you he would want to be with you and not other women.... I think that there is a lot more give from your side than his....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2009): Thank you for showing me a new angle on this. I told myself that The pain of seeing him enjoying sex with this woman would destroy any feelings of intimacy that I have left with him and would help me to break away. But I think you are right I'm just looking to find a compromise but I miss him so much he has been my anchor and I his. We have provided a haven for each other through some rough patches over the last two years I don't understand why it is so hard for me to trust in the strenght of our bond. Why do I feel our bond threatened every time he has sex with somebody. Is it logical or strickly an emotional response?
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (17 November 2009):
 I think that this is just a natural reaction for some women. I'd never admit this to my boyfriend, but I sometimes fantasize about him having sex with other women. It's just something to think about sometimes, and it makes me want him pretty bad. I think it's just a booster for you and it makes you want him even more. For me it's the combo of the fantasy allowing me to know that he can have any woman he wants, wherever he wants, and hey, he happens to have chosen me in real life. However, I would never want to share or have him participate in these fantasies of mine. No threesomes or couples exchange, I want him for myself. Haha. That's why it's an occasional fantasy.
I think that you are willing to make this compromise because you are trying to convince yourself that you like the idea of him having sex, so you shouldn't have a problem of being in a relationship with him again while he fools around with other women. I think that your fantasy and your desires are very different, and I think that you blending them will only result in your disappointment. I think that you just really love this man and are willing to do whatever to get him back, even if it means sharing him. And I think you are using your fantasies to reinforce it. But let me tell you, fantasy is very different from reality. Jealousy and trust are something that are very hard to push aside when in these situations. It's very hard to actually see the person you love all over someone else. I just don't think your heart is set in that type of relationship from your description of the situation.
This guy seems like he just wants loose sex anyway. And even if he did take you back and had sex with other women, I don't think you would be in the priority list at all. With your connection to him, I would say to pass on the invite to watch and try to get over him entirely. You and him are on two totally separate playing fields at the moment, and I think any further involvement will leave you confused and a little hurt. I think you are trying to accomplish getting back with him while compromising your sense of loyalty by justifying it with your fantasy. Fantasies are just fantasies for a reason, and we all have them. It doesn't mean we act all of them out. Best of luck to you!
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