A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met and dated this guy when I was 22. I truly fell for him and a few weeks later found out he had a girlfriend. We were always off and on regardless because i wanted to be with him. He always had girlfriends but never could choose to be with me but i was a fool and would still see him. This was 15 years ago. I am not married and have a man who loves me more then life itself. the guy from my past is engaged. He tells me he is in love with me he made a mistake but yet still says he is no good for me, always an excuse not to be with me. Why do i still talk to him ,see him and listen to his crap? I told him he is getting married and I know it but he says he prob wont even marry her, he still makes up excuses. i said I know you are everything is planned and he says he doesnt even know. I asked him why he proposed why be with her. I called his bluff and said her or me, although i am married and he said he wont leave someone to be with someone else, is aid but you say you love me? and you want me? Why cant i just cut him out of my life? why do i listen, and see him? I have tried to but within a month i am back talking to him? Why does he lie to me?
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female
reader, loveliee28 +, writes (27 September 2010):
Please stop engaging him. What has keeping contact with him gotten you so far? Absolutely nothing. He is blatantly telling you that HE IS BAD FOR YOU, so take his word for it and move on. The fact that he is engaged, but says that "he probably won't even marry her" speaks volumes. Run girl run. Don't ruin what you have for another shot in the dark with this guy. Change your number if you have to...
A
female
reader, shania  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 Thats good but its still early days....its only been 3 days since you had no contact?....give it a few weeks and he will probably crawl out of his rock....but dont give in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did not send a text or anything Ijust am not having ANY communication. But yet have not hear from him either which is a good sign!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2010):
Send a text saying 'goodbye'. Then cut contact and ignore everything. If you're really serious, change your number too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo I send him a message telling him to pretty much f&*# off or do i just ignore any futre textx, calls advances etc?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 September 2010):
I think you like the idea of being able to change him, to tame him. I think you need to look carefully at yourself, your self esteem and your lifestyle. Everything. You come across as someone who wants to be loved, and you seem to think that by continually seeing this man, by listening to him, by talking to him, he might change. And as the post below says, maybe you like the excitement too.
The reason he lies to you? Because you let him treat you this way. You're there when he wants you, you're there to give him what he wants, you're effectively his slave. He enjoys the control over you. And you give it to him.
This has to stop. You need to stop it. You're wasting your life with him. How long until your current boyfriend finds out? How long before you utterly alone and have nothing? Not long. It's not hard to stop contact, when you realize that you're a mockery to someone. And that's what you are to him. Which is why you need to stop, cut contact, delete his number. Do it before you wake up totally alone in the world.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (22 September 2010):
Dont give in!..You hate the rejection, who wouldn't? Thats why you want something you cannot have.He is out of reach for you and thats what makes him so appealing..but he isn't really...its an illusion.Dont fall for it.
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A
female
reader, shania +, writes (22 September 2010):
This fella doesn't know whether to go for a shit or a haircut.
He is what you call a ditherer...and if i was you i would get your hat and coat and run for the hills..seriously! This man is no good.He doesn't know what he wants..I gather he is roughly the same age as you? If so,then he is acting like a teenager and not a full grown man.My 8 year old son could make better decisions then him...its pathetic.
Anyway you are married so i guess your bored with hubby and crave excitement? Well your lover is hardly providing that except half baked excuses...and pain for you...He doesn't really want you,your just massaging his ego...move on..ignore him...cut off all contact..let him stew in his self pity.
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A
female
reader, romany +, writes (22 September 2010):
 I may be bang off the mark, but a few years ago, my mate who had been in same situation, finally bagged the man she'd been with on and off with 7 years, my mate was engaged and her long time fwb also had someone, he couldn't stand it when she set date for wedding, so he dumped his girlfriend, makes some huge romantic gesture to my friend, and asked her to be with him, she felt elated.....but only because she'd finally won him. He didn't hold the same excitement after, and she decided on continuing with the wedding to new guy.
So maybe this guy gives you excitement, the sneaking around, the challenge.
Other than that, i dont know why you listen to him, sounds like you both have lives, your married, he is marrying someone else, I would personally cut all ties.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionalso, he is not even attractive, has nothing really going for him. I sometimes thinkits because I cant understand why he never chose ME. I am attracitve smart have a great careerno baggage and fun outgoing, is it a self esteem thing, how dare he not want me?? I want to cut him out but everytime i do i give in
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