A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so I'm 23 year old, and I've never been kissed or had a boyfriend, but that's not the point of this post. It might help you all understand my situation. I live in a big city so it's quite normal to get a bit of street harassment. But I have noticed lately that the street harassment has gotten a lot more aggressive and outward. People shout things at me, come close to my face whispering, leer and make sexual gestures at me as I walk by, ask me out when I want to be left alone, try to touch me, hold up traffic, etc. To be more specific on the holding up traffic: I was standing at the corner waiting to cross, this car was in the middle of turning and I looked at the driver because he was slowing down a bit too much; he was full on staring at me as he was turning, to get a good look at me. It has happened a few times but this specific time happened just a few days ago.I am not super attractive, but I have big eyes and plump lips so I look a bit younger than I am. I lost a bit of weight recently so my face got a bit thinner, but I am no means super attractive. I dress pretty normally (jeans, button down shirts, boots), I don't hang out in bad areas; I walk with a purpose, and quickly. There are too many crazies in the city so I don't want to take any chances. I never get approached by "normal" men, only in the streets by older, very creepy men . The men you tend to walk away from because your gut is telling you that they could be threatening. So my question to you all is, why do I keep attracting this type of attention? I feel very uncomfortable every time I go out, and I want all of this to stop. It hurts my self-esteem as well because sometimes I think that I'll never be able to attract a normal, non-creepy guy. A lot of my female friends do not deal with this type of street harassment, but almost all have boyfriends, and I do not. Is there something about me that attracts these creepy men, and how do I change my behavior/appearance to encourage normal men to approach, and keep the creeps at bay? Thanks for your help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Another perspective  +, writes (25 October 2017):
Don't confuse dating prospects or even who's interested in you with street harassment.These men know they are doing the wrong thing but have so much contepmt for women they try anyway, these are the kind of guys who troll dating sites and blogs with nasty bitter rhetoric and are always threatening to get a mail order wife (like they would have them). They are doing it because they are entitled and have no respect, for them it is about having power over someone else, the best way to deal withit is stand tall, walk with a puropse and brush them quickly and sternly, chances are they see you as swet and vulnerable and that's why you're being targeted. Now someone who is interested in you isn't going to be so forward, someone genuine is going to be cautious because he doesn't want to make a bad impression or scare you off, he is careful not to do anything to disrespect you so it may take time knowing someone before he lets you know he's interested.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): Tough one. Honestly, I have no idea. For some reason they think you are weak, that's for sure.
You don't have to be attractive, they just need to perceive you as an easy target.
They harass ladies that are overweight because they suppose they will be too slow to defend themselves (or whatever else they may think). They go for skinny ones, obviously because they can't fight back.
I read a study a couple of years back, apparently women who are athletic (e.g. broad shoulders) get less of that kind of unwanted attention.
Be always aware but do not pay attention to them and if they approach be decisive.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): You seem to be confusing who hits on you, with who your options are to date. Those are two completely different things.
I don't know why you are getting the wrong kind of attention but some people just seem to provoke it more than others. It's probably sexy to any guy even though the creeps are more likely to give you unsolicited attention over it. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed that you attract people. Don't think the men who make overt passes are the only men who think you look attractive. Most good catch men don't make passes as much as women assume and they are usually more subtle (or at least more mature) than what you talk about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): You shouldn't have to change yourself because of these creeps! I live in a rough city, where there are a lot of leering men and people out to cause trouble. I've lived in this city all my life, and have never had any trouble at all. It might help to walk around with a near enough glare on you're face, and if anyone still gets too close, don't be scared to be rude to them. These men shouldn't be able to act towards women like this and have no consequences. I have a friend who attracts men like this, and there's no real reason for it. I personally think it's because they sense she won't cause a scene or tell them to get lost, because she looks quite approachable. Hence why I always have my 'I'm a bitch' face on, so I don't seem approachable at all.I really hope this works for you, good luck!
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (31 January 2016):
There is nothing you can honestly do except ignore them. Here's the thing, only creepy men leave you feeling creeped out. The nicer men out there, have a tendency to make you feel beautiful or at the very least not let you realise or make you feel creepy. So it's not necessary you are attracting only the creepy kind. They are the only one's you tend to focus on. I'm not sure how it works in your city.
For me, I found that ignoring is the best way. Even the slightest ackowledgement of their behaviour is encouraging for them. I know how hard it can be.
But you have to find a way to ignore it and carry yourself with dignity.
Good Luck :)
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