A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel like my boyfriend of 3 years is taking me for granted. I feel like he thinks he doesn't have to treat me well because I'm just going to put up with it. In the past, I have put up with it and I haven't said anything because I didn't want to deal with a conflict. But lately, I've been feeling more and more frustrated by all the little things he does. For example, when he makes plans with family or friends, he's never late.He's even early. But with me, he's always late. He'll say he will be over at 6 and when it's 6:15 and I text him where he is , I find that he hasn't even left his house yet. I find it rude that he doesn't feel the need to at least let me know that he's running late. When I bring it up to him that he's late and should at least let me know, he gets really upset and impatient and tells me that he's never late. Yes that's true with other people, but not with me. He either really doesn't notice this or he jsit doesn't care. There are hundreds more examples like this where he's inconsiderate or rude and won't admit it or apologize. He always twists it around so that I end up feeling horrible about bringing it up. But thinking back now, why should I feel bad? Isn't it just politeness to text someone you're running late? What gets me is that he doesn't treat anyone else like this, just me.And like I said, when I bring it up, he gets very upset, denies it and make me feel bad for saying anything. How can I talk to someone who won't admit to doing anything wrong? Is this my issue? Am I just overreacting? Help please.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 February 2016):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim. Set your 'late' boundary and once that's past, be away doing something else fun. Go to a movie or meet up with a friend.
What has the conflict you referenced been like before now?
Be pro-active.
"Jonesy, I love you hon! I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight. I'll be home between 5-7 and as you said you'll be arriving by 7 we are good. After 7 if you aren't there I'll be executing my other plans. Love ya babe!"
It would be helpful to know what you've put up with in the past and why you don't feel you can handle conflict.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (1 February 2016):
 If he is not there by six put a note on the door "expected you at six, waited 10 mins, you not here, I've made alternate arrangements"
Lock up and go do something by your self or for yourself. By not being prompt he is being disrespectful, especially when he can be on time for other people.
You should only need to do is a few times for him to get the message and change his behaviour.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): I completely understand your frustration! Turn the tables, and what he does to you, do to him. And when he asks why are you being so rude to me, say "It's not nice is it?! This how YOU act all the time"
If talking to him about it isn't working, try that. I wouldn't say it's playing games, as that's never good, but it might work if he understands how he makes you feel.
Good luck
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