A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've wondered this for a while. Why am I only attracted to troubled women? Or women who are either bad for me or I can't have?I've never, ever had trouble in the female department. In fact, I would say I've been very fortunate. I've always been able to get girls, but the only women I've ever truly found myself interested in are the ones who "need fixing" or I have to chase.When I say fixing, I mean they have some issue like alcoholism or bipolar etc. Which is absurd. In my rational mind, I know this isn't healthy, yet I can't seem to be happy in stable, healthy relationships. I find myself bored to tears. Currently, I'm chasing after a girl who I know is awful for me. She a binge drinker and emotionally unstable. Yet for some reason, I want her really bad. We hook up from time to time. But I find myself thinking about her a lot. Yet there are other good women who I could date, that I'm not remotely interested in. This has been a trend for my whole life. Hence why my dating life is always chaotic. I just don't know how to break this trend. Why am I only attracted to the messed up girls?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2016): Sometimes it's a Florence Nightingale complex. Being the savior and healer of humanity, and sometimes it's feeling safer and more secure around people less perfect than yourself. You may like the challenge of saving strays; but challenges are meant to improve us. Not destroy us.
You are chiseling away at your own psychological-stability and credibility by engaging and associating yourself in a series of destructive relationships. You will be judged by the company you keep. You have a low self-esteem and perhaps you feel you don't deserve better.
The lack of drama in your life may seem boring. In the long-run, that's healthier for you. Drama is toxic and corrosive to your mental-stability. You'll become cynical, withdrawn, and forget how to behave around healthy people.
If you want to fix people, it's better to get in the mental-health or medical-health fields. It's better than trying to recreate them in a relationship. It's far too risky, and the addiction to such relationships is self-destructive.
It will hurt you socially, financially, professionally; and will negatively-affect your family-life. You could end-up losing everything you've worked for and everyone you love. Worse, you could also become one of those broken-people.
You don't like being with anyone who can challenge you to be the best of yourself. You may also be a bit of a drama-queen feeding off the theatrical energy and drama that broken-people exude. It makes you feel superior.
You are starting to realize this. Thus your post. Now you have to reprogram your mindset to start looking for healthier matches and enjoy what love and happiness has to offer. Not misery and sorrow, and all the crap that comes with drunks and losers who have thrown their lives away. All they have to offer is a peek at what hell must be like.
Clean house, get a little professional-counseling to determine what draws you to these losers. Then, teach yourself that you are worthy and deserve better. You're a caretaker by nature; and really do deserve to be loved and appreciated for that. Someone good, healthy, and with a very positive outlook should always come your way. These kind of people enrich your life, and bring out the best in you.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (31 January 2016):
 What is healthy and normal is really restrictive. Beneath it is some wild creature who wants to act out. People with issues seem to be more authentic than people who want to do the right thing, contribute to society. In short is, real life is boring. It's like when you watch romance movies and comedies for a long time, you would crave horror movies that make you jump your seat.
To break this trend you need a deep acceptance, a deep surrender of what is. Something very Buddha like. Rejoice in the everyday mundaneness. See the beauty in everything. Personality disorders and get boring for a while too, when you think about it. For me, those people with issues are a bunch of whiners, time wasters. People who focus on the past, stuck there and can't get out. What's so exciting about that?
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