A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do I go for married men? Even though I know it never works! I really like this guy, who is quite a lot older than I am; and married! He confessed he had fallen for me, I tried to convince him he hadn't because he was married, but I knew that I had fallen for him too. But now it's like everything is on his terms. I can't just call him or text him because of his wife! It's really stressful because I want him to be there for me and he can't be. But when we get together we get along really well..I have made the mistake of kissing a married man before and his wife caught us. It was one of the worst mistakes I had ever made as the wife was a family friend and we ended up not talking for half a year! But now I am doing the same thing all over again, if his wife finds out I could lose people over this but I can't stop thinking about him.Why do I put myself through the pain when I know it will only result in disaster? He's meant to be arranging to meet up soon and going to call me today with details but I don't know what to say??I know I shouldn't do it but i'm so infatuated and wanting to be with him that I know i'll probably end up saying yes.Why do I do this, whats wrong with me?
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female
reader, Summerfuninpa  +, writes (24 October 2012):
I kind of have the same problem. But I know it's because I'm attracted to the good husband type.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 October 2012):
 I think that you fall for married men because you haven't learned that it is a losing proposition for you... and you haven't banged your head against that wall enough times so that you can PREDICT that it will hurt (YOU'LL usually be the one who gets dumped, once you've put out for him!!!!)...
By this question, you've revealed that you KNOW that it's not the smartest thing you can do. NOW, go out and CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOUR and do what is more in YOUR best interest...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 My guess is not very original but... I'd say low self esteem.
Deep down, maybe you feel unworthy of having a man all for you and not lovable/desirable enough to keep him around.
So, you accept, invite in fact competition, -because you feel more in control " deciding " to share someone who will not give you himself fully to you and that much probabaly will dump you, rather than risking being abandoned / refused / cheated on for someone "better". The outcome would be the same, ( not being judged good enough to be "the one") ... but if you "choose " it , you feel more in control , and less of a loser.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Honor, integrity, and good self-esteem are traits that you appear to be lacking. However it looks like you have tons of selfishness, preoccupation with self, and refusal/inability to learn from previous mistakes. Anyway that's my best guess at what's wrong with you.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 HI
I think you have massive commitment issues as well as a Husband thief. You go for married men because you know you wont have to commit, it'S ALL ABOUT THE CHASE, the sex, and the heated moments were you know you could BOTH get caught. I think your both being very selfish, that poor wife and family of his don't deserve to be treated this way. Not to mention passing on STD's, AND PLEASE DON'T SAY YOU USE PROTECTION ALL THE TIME IF ANY TIME, BECAUSE I know that is not true, if your the kind of person to cheat, your the kind of person who wouldn't even think about Condoms. What happens when you find out he is also cheating on you ? what happens when his wife finds out? because she WILL . I hope in years to come you don't have to find out YOUR husband ( if anyone would marry you ) was cheating..you said you wouldn't want to go through the pain, well what in the hell do you think HIS wife will be going through when she finds out? oh thats right you don't know whats wrong with you, well I do, your a selfish self centered home recker that will end up a sad old lonely cat lady whom everyone laughs at and runs from!!!.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 As long as you keep flirting with married men, and not single men, why do you expect things to change? The solution is simple, stop making excuses for yourself and stop flirting with married men. You didn't accidentally fall for him, he didn't accidentally fall for you either. You met, you knew he was married, he knows he is married, and you continued to FLIRT and then "fell for each other".
I need to tell you something, and that is that this man hasn't fallen for you. If he sincerely cared about you he wouldn't be disrespecting you by having you play second violin. If he actually cared about you and respected you he'd not do anything while he is still married. All of this "I've fallen for you" BS is just something he says to get in your pants.
A married man who CHEATS is not exactly a man who's word I'd trust. Neither should you. Stop being naive, there are tons of single men out there who you could flirt with, but somehow you love the drama of flirting with a taken man. maybe you find it exciting to "steal" him away from another woman. But you're not stealing away any men, you're just placing yourself as a side dish, someone who he doesn't have to work as hard to be with, doesn't need as much as he needs his wife, doesn't want as much as he wants his wife, and someone who doesn't respect you, wont be there for you, wont do things for you, wont stand by your side through thick and thin. A married lover is just that.. a lover. Nothing more than a FWB. Not exactly a prize. If you want to feel better about yourself don't think that flirting with married men will make you feel great. Instead find a nice man who is going to give you his all and everything.
Or don't you think you deserve more than to be the side dish? To always come second? To just be used for sex?
As for "what's wrong with you", I think you're craving attention. And you somehow feel that getting the attention of a married man means more than getting the attention of a single man, because you need to "steal" him away from someone else. As if that makes the attention even more special. I also think you must love the drama, that it makes you feel special somehow. Again, a single man who is willing to give you 100% is what is going to make you feel special.. not this sneaking around in the bushes with a man who will give you maximum 10% of his time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): You know you can't have him, and you know by pursuing him you'll only get hurt. You wouldn't want his wife to find out, but if you ever wanted this guy to be exclusively yours, she would have to find out. Would you be willing to settle for an affair? In which you would only see him when he can get away from his wife, and it suits him, and not when you necessarily want to see him.
.
Trust me, he's getting bored with his marriage to an older woman, and you're his younger escape route for a bit for fun. Before long he'll get bored with you and move on to another conquest. He doesn't know how to stick to one woman clearly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): I don't really have any sympathy for you..you know exactly what you are doing, you may not know why but you keep going along with it. You shouldn't be upset that he has to hide you, because he is in fact married. When he calls you i think you know you need to end it. Try to find someone who isn't married with similar qualities. There are other single men out there. It seems like you know what you need to do and you know that what you are doing is wrong. I really cant help you, you just have to tell yourself to stop.
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