A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I get so bored of sex with one person so fast. After a year of a relationship, I either get with someone else or, if I stay, I constantly look for things to spice it up.I'm quite insecure so most of them are bad ideas but I need them to keep me interested. My boyfriend knows that we're not the strongest of couples so refuses to do these things with me (like threesomes etc) so I'm bored!How can I stop doing this? Has the spark gone? If so, how do we get it back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 Or maybe you just need to find a guy with more imagination. There are LOTS of variations on sex that can be done by just a man and a woman together. It doesn't need to become boring. There must be dozens of books out there about how to spice up your sex life. Would doing it swinging from the chandeliers help? Try it and find out!
On the other hand, I do agree that without a foundation of love, and a good understanding of who you are and what you want out of life, you're never really going to be happy with sex. Sex is not a cure. It's like taking a pain killer ... it covers up the pain for a moment, put it doesn't cure the wound.
Sex is the icing. If what you need is better icing, it's available. If what you really need it the cake, no amount of additional icing will work for you.
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (1 March 2007):
Totally agree with AskEve.
Sometimes women have sex with men because it makes them feel desired - they don't care who the man is as long as it is a new man regularly, they just have the need for being desired, because they feel unworthy and unloved.
The thing about this, is that it is all about YOU - you have a need for being desired - but you're not interested in the other person at all. That sounds like you have some unresolved childhood issues. You need some therapy.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (1 March 2007):
 Like you said you are insecure and having sex with different people is a way to make you feel powerful and "useful." You've never really fallen in love before have you? You are using men as objects to satisfy you and give you excitement.
My advice to you would be to refrain from sex for a good while, at least 6 months and find other ways to stimulate your mind. Even if you do meet someone else, get to know them first before sleeping with them. You've tried it one way (having sex sex sex) now try it the other way, refraining from it and really loving a person and getting to know them for who they are!
Also try and build up your confidence, you obviously have sexual confidence but you need to build it up in other areas. Assert yourself in life, find out where you're going and what you want to do with it.
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
Do you have a goal or career in mind? What do you really want from life? Take time out for yourself, do what you really WANT to do (I don't mean sexually, anything but that) and soon you'll find you are focussing on completely different things than you did 6 months ago.
Sex isn't everything and if there isn't love there it can be quite empty.
Eve
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