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male
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anonymous
writes: Why do I stop fancying my girlfriends?I have just ended a 2.5 yr relationship with my GF. Almost everything about it was fabulous, we made a great couple, loads of stuff in common. We're now both pretty devastated, and I feel so guilty about it. But for some time there had been a little nagging voice in my head saying that I didn't find her sexy and should end things, which I consciously repressed because I so loved being with her, and she so obviously loved me. I now realise that all my (rather few) relationships have had this problem; I convince myself she's not sufficiently good-looking and finish it. I'd probably do the same if I was seeing a supermodel. Have any other men had this problem? What is the right thing to do if the sexual chemistry changes? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 I think this problem is more deep rooted than just a throw away comment about pull yourself together and go and get this girl back.
You need to understand why you behave this way and the fact that you have now recognised this consistent behaviour with several girlfriends the insecurities you are feeling are coming from within you and if you don't address them then this will continue to happen.
So you are both hurting and that is not nice but trying to rebuild a relationship when your heart is not in it due to whatever reason is not the right thing to do.
You could be the adonis and your girlfriend an angel and still feel the way you do so think about some counselling in the first instance and I am not saying you have major issues but if you want future relationships to work or one then you have to understand why you feel this way and not continue to hurt the person your with or yourself for that matter.
Counselling can be extremely beneficial and I understand that after my ex and I spent almost 10 months going via Relate and then single counsellors and couple counsellors and you get an understanding of who you are and why we act the way we do, some of those actions come from the way we grew up and the deep rooted problems from childhood which are not things we can easily dismiss.
Yes of course counselling costs but just try one session and see how you feel afterwards. Go on the net and look for accredited counsellors who are governed by a governing body so that you know they are legitimate and you will find someone locally to you I am sure.
You can also go to Relate which is cheaper on your own as well so never think you can't OK.
Get to the root of the problem first and I am sure the rest of it will fall into place and you will find pure happiness in the not too distant future.
I do think however that you are best on your own right now until you know where all of this is coming from as you need to be responsible for just you right now and think with a clear head so that you are not hurting yourself or anyone else.
Be a lad for a while but not a womanising lad OK.
Hope the above helps a little.
At the end of the day men do like to see a full candy shop instead of just one sweet as we all like to look but see how you get on OK.
Let me know how you are when you get a mo in the future eh!
BFN
Country Woman
x
A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Hey Huni
No offence but what are you gods gift? if you love someone it shouldnt matter what they look like you should love them for who they are. Its better when you are physically attracted to them and if you once thought they were i cant see why you'd stop but next time you throw away someone you really care for and get on with remember no1s perfect and we girls dont luk great 24/7 ya no its dam hard work we dont wake up with the perfect hair and make-up it takes hours and you should appreciate it.If this does happen then just get her some sexy underwear or a sexy outfit from ann summers. if i were you ide go get tht girl back and make a dam gd go of it. Good Look.
Helen x
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