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female
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*eanut
writes: Hello my dear Agony-aunts. I am 29 have this sporty boyfriend who is 31 and is really popular everywhere he goes. Talk about star-power he has an awesome personality, he can win people/friends in an hour, and not to mention he can actually have any girl he wants (models and everything), who are even more attractive than I can ever be. When we are together though, I know he loves me deep down. He now lives in a really big liberated city with a good job while I live in a small province a day away by boat. His job sets him in a stage where he must meet a lot of people and a lot of connections in beautiful places and tropical beach resorts. When he is away, he does call but bit by bit I feel he forgets things about me and things he already said to me. Sometimes I think the distraction is too much and he doesn't know it. Sometimes I don't know what is going on in his life and he also forgets to share things with me. I know him to be quite forgetful really so I still do trust him, in fact we are set to move in together in that city within a month or so. Here is one problem, sometimes I feel he enjoys his life too much without me, I begin to doubt if he could still enjoy just as much when I am around. Is it right to feel that way? If not what should I do? Another problem of mine is the fact that when I initiate the call these days, he only thinks I am worried, and then he re-assures me again and again. How do I convince him that I am not worried and all I want is a good friend to chat with sometimes, is it not what a relationship is for? Otherwise I can call my girlfriends or something. I really could use some advice on this tricky matter Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Peanut +, writes (22 June 2006):
Peanut is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello everyone. Yes you are right, he will be presented with many temptations, especially in that new city where it is busier and the nightlife is so alive. History-wise, no he has never cheated. But in that new place, he has no "base" there, he lives in pension houses while looking for our nice apartment, he is away from family, relatives and good friends. The people he meets are new, and literally have almost the same situation so they tend hop from one bar scene to another (to "kill the time"). And yes, I do care about my boyfriend, and I understand that he is enjoying his new life very much, I genuinely support him in things he wants to do and achieve. And you are right Lizzi, he did call again, at least now I know clearly that he still longs for me to follow him in the big city and live with him. Indeed it is a big step. I want to thank you, both, for the help, I value your opinions and appreciate very much the time you gave for my questions. I now have a better persective...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2006): I would say that if he is that persuasive with the ladies he will face many temptations during your relationship. I would say what is in his past? Has he had a lot of history with cheating on his ladies with other ladies? Those are important questions to find out. But even if he has that history maybe you are the one he would change for. I understand your dilemma as I have dated before the type of lady that every guy desires. It's a hard thing to watch your S/O be flirted with constantly. Good luck and I hope it works out well.
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A
female
reader, lizzi +, writes (18 June 2006):
hey. First of all you are not in the wrong by worrying about your relationship. It just shows that you care about your boyfriend very much. You said you are moving in together next month. This is a big step, a step that I'm sure you've both thought about carfully. Now you have to ask yourself, If your boyfriend did enjoy his life too much without you would he want to take this big step by moving in together? I also think that you boyfriend cares for you as much as you care for him which is why he tries to re-assure you every time you call. Next time you call him and he starts re-assuring you say to him that there is no need to do this and that you just called to chat. You are right, a relationship is about friendship as well as love and it isn't wrong to want to talk to your boyfriend about your day. I hope this has helped a little. If you want any more advice i'm happy to help.
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