A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 7 years.. my husband and I have been together for 9 years. We have never had a strong sexual chemistry- at least not as far as I am concerned. I thought early in our relationship that we had what was important- alot in common. I underestimated how important sexual chemistry was. We have 2 young children and he is supposed to be getting a vasectomy in the next few months... but for now he is making excuses as to why we can't have sex. He says he is afraid I will get pregnant.. and he hates condoms. Or he is too tired. or he has to get up early. He won't even kiss me. He is not a big cuddler. It is like he is my roommate. We have had sex less than 5 times in the past 3 years. He also pays no attention to me- he tunes me out when I try to have a conversation with him. I don't know what to do- he is a very good provider and father to our children, but I have needs. I have confronted him and he thinks there are no problems in our marriage. Or he blames me and says I pull away, which is ridiculous because the times we do have sex, I have to beg. What do I do in this situation? He is totally in denial!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 October 2010):
 Well, sadly enough it was to be expected in a sense... 9 years is a long time and the hottest physical passion fades a bit in time, imagine if the chemistry was not there to begin with.
Yet I think that your husband may be seriously ,genuinely concerned about not getting you pregnant again; if he has chosen vasectomy, it means that a third child is absolutely, totally not in his plans,- a huge NEVER, not just something a bit unconvenient or a bit challenging.
It is true that from other signs you mention - no conversation, no kisses or cuddles, etc - it sounds like he is pulling emotionally ( and physically ) away from your relationship, but before becoming really concerned , I would wait until he has had his vasectomy, if anything changes for the better.
For some men, parenthood does take a big toll in financial,practical and emotional terms- maybe your husband is among these men ?
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