A
male
age
36-40,
*onelyTomFromNY
writes:The title basically says it all. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm 26 and never been in a relationship. The closest I have ever been to being in a relationship was a two year thing I had with someone over the internet. I found her on a depression message board when she made the post shipwrecked on virgin island. Had no idea turned out she was from NY like me, 25-30 minutes away. For two years we spoke everyday and 10 months ago she stopped going online and I've heard from her once in 10 months where all she said was I'm sorry babe just know I'm always thinking of you. Yeah that left me beyond devastated and I still am, hey not only was in love with her I even considered her my best friend. But I'm not here to discuss that because I know shes never coming back. But rather my current situation which has left me a complete joke of a man. I've never been in a real relationship and my sexual experience is almost as sad, I got a couple of blow jobs in my life. I can't get over my insecurities. I can't get over how every woman has had numerous partners and I've had well my hand. I am incredibly insecure and my confidence is completely gone. I can't get past the fact do I measure up in the pants. I made an okcupid account and I've been texting back and forth with this one girl. When she asked about my past relationship and she was talking about how she had a few hookups back in the day I started hyperventilating because I felt like such a pathetic joke of man. I don't know what to do anymore I'm losing my mind. I feel like the biggest loser in the world, hell I know I am. I can't handle it anymore. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): You will be alright try not to worry too much. If you want a relationship you just need to start utilising opportunities. I mean the first thing to do is get in shape as that gives you more confidence. But the thing I think you need to recognise is that confidence with the opposite sex is a skill that is built up over time not something people are born with. Everytime you have a go at getting a date, going on dates or even making casual conversation you are building up confidence.
The first time I tried to have sex I was so nervous I couldnt even get it up. I mean everyone has had embarassments they just aren't going to let you know so don't worry about it. And don't even be embarassed about it, I mean that is not the measure of a man. I am twenty three and yeah I have had a lot of sex. But if I was a virgin I wouldn't be any less of a man. Courage, leadership, kindness, compassion are the measure of a man, not how many things he has stuck his dick into. So forget about that joke of a man stuff.
If you want my advice it is make changes to your life, do charity work, do things that bring you into contact with people of the opposite sex anything that makes you face your insecurities and challenge them. Learn to be proud of who you are and to talk to women and you will soon be where you want to be.
A
male
reader, Falsion +, writes (29 October 2010):
Hey man, I feel you. I'm 19 and I have never been in a relationship. You should be happy you got women replying and texting to you from online dating sites. I used okcupid too but no one ever bothers replying to me.
Since you live near NYC, maybe try speed dating? I'm sure there is lots of singles in NY that would love to know you. But personally for me, I don't think that not having been in a relationship is a bad thing. I say it proudly to people that I have never been in a serious relationship. The only thing I regret the most is just not having the companionship of a women.
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