A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had lost count on how many times I had found my girlfriend on dating sites and chat rooms that focus on flrting. She either lied to me about being on them or played it down to them just being harmless internet friends and me being jealous. I ended up leaving her after I found she was also texting them. She refused to answer anything I asked and became verbaly abusive. After a month she turned up apologising and saying she has grown up and had a reality check. We had, I thought had a wonderful three months since then. This morning I discovered she is still using chat room dating sites. I made a mistake by asking her because she went into an angry insulting rage and called me every name under the sun what begins with a swear word. She then ended it by saying I was seeing things. I know what I saw and so does she. Why did she want me back just to end up like this again? She made me out to be the bad guy in all this. I only asked a question and didnt even confront her. I am confused and disappointed. What is it all about?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): If you was to look into her past relationships and find that she had cheated on her ex's too, her pattern of it will be the same. Serial cheats never own up to their actions or accept responsibility. A classic is they were starved of attention. Another good one is that their partner was abusive and was driven to it. They will always justify it by blaming their partner. That is why you are being tagged as the bad guy. Those that know her good will know she is full of shit.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 December 2012):
People will always do something if they get away with it. She always got away with it.
The question is - are you ready to admit that this isn't going anywhere? Until you are ready to admit that, and end it and move on, you'll just be her lapdog.
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A
male
reader, hyt +, writes (4 December 2012):
She sounds a bit psycho. A narcissistic personality disorder perhaps? Try a dating site yourself. You might find someone better. ...(second thoughts, maybe not)
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (4 December 2012):
 A fantastic piece of advice from Honeypie.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Why?
Well the easy answer is - because she could. You "enabled" her by agreeing to dating again and not holding her responsible for her own actions.
She obviously isn't THAT good of a liar, so instead of making up stories, she goes on the offensive - THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!! (in her book) next it will be (YOU MADE ME DO IT) because you didn't do XYZ in the relationship.
THAT IS her MO! It's how she works. She wants to do whatever SHE wants to do and YOU just have to suck it up! (in her book).
And up until you broke up with her last time - YOU did JUST that. YOU are still doing it as you are STILL with her!
YOU can not.. no matter HOW much and how WELL you love her - MAKE her stop doing these things, because it's NOT about you. It's about her. She is an attention-monger. She don't care how she gets it as long as it's available 24/7 from whomever.
Ok, the little more complicated reason. YOU are her security blanket. She felt loved while you two were together. She most likely were still chatting to random dudes while you two broke up, but she realized that she wasn't getting the attentions of a BF on top of her "internet admirers" so she thought on it for a little while and figured - if I apologize and sound like I mean it I can get him back. And she was right, because there you are.
Don't worry if she think yo are the "bad guy" here. She will not admit that her own actions broke you two up the first time and the SAME actions broke you two up again.
Learn from this. LOOK at a person's ACTIONS not just their pretty words.
Dump her, cut the contact and move on.
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Everything you wrote matches my ex`s behaviour. It went on for 3 years and I never got 1 answer. I think you would be better just not having any contact with her again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): She might want to be with you but unfortunately you will have to put up with her being a cheat and a liar. Also getting angry when caught is very disrespectful. I think you need to end it right now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Getting angry and defensive when getting caught breaking a promise and cheating is common.
She has not changed and she got caught and now she's trying to make YOU look like the bad guy.
You kept forgiving her every time you caught her so now she's sure she can continue and be forgive (what's a little fight now and then)...
if you don't' want to live like this forever, end it for good and know she's not going to change for you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 December 2012):
 You write: "...Why did she want me back just to end up like this again? ..."
The short answer is: "because she could.." (YOU let her get away with it!!!)
Hope your next girlfriend is much nicer and more loyal....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2012): What is it about? It`s about her cheating on you. That is what it`s about. Her turning aggressive or verbally abusive is a skill that`s used as to avoid being put on the spot and having to hear what she does not want to hear. Do not go back to her next time.
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A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (4 December 2012):
 Forget what it is all about. You could be thinking and trying to work that one out for a long time. Pack your things and never go back. As a quick guess, I think she may have wanted you back because she had n`t managed to get anyone else and as soon as she does, you will be history.
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