A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a girl, and while I'm stereotypically feminine in a lot of ways (am always wearing dresses or skirts, into fashion and beauty, have a really girly voice), I also have a strong personality and am "masculine" in other ways. I love sports, lift, am straight-talking and have had to deal with a lot of family problems over the last few years that have left me pretty tough. My friends often turn to me for advice and I'm that person who will always stand up to someone who tries to bully a mate.I've noticed that, though I often tend to attract the "masculine," "alpha male," sporty types (possibly because most of my guy friends are like that), I don't find them as attractive as the softer sensitive shy types even though we have more stuff in common. I don't actually fancy geeky guys so much, because they tend to have hobbies like playing video games and reading which I'm not so into, but the guys I like tend to be in reasonable shape but also pretty introverted, softly spoken and more emotional than most guys (than me even, though that isn't hard). I don't know many chaps like that though, and the few I do are all about 5 years older. I used to love the "alpha male" types, but having to deal with family problems changed me completely. I used to be more stereotypically feminine, now I'm much more independent. Is this just a case of opposites attract? And, with softer guys, do you have to chase them rather than have it be the other way around? I don't sleep around but I can dress and act in a quite "sexy" manner sometimes, I'm not sure if this turns off the sensitive types though. Thanks )
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male
reader, Bellgrove +, writes (2 July 2013):
A relationship between you and the sort of guy you're attracted to would be well balanced and probably very strong and enduring because you would both bring to it qualities which the other needs. A 'soft' guy needs a girl like you to 'steer the boat', to give him confidence and bring him out of his shell a little, and I suppose what you need, if you're attracted to guys like this, is someone who will listen to you and care about you deeply; someone to bring emotional maturity (but forgive me if I am wrong in my presumption).
A
male
reader, Bellgrove +, writes (2 July 2013):
I'm a soft-spoken, sensitive, shy guy myself, and I find this post very interesting. I have always found it difficult to imagine girls being attracted to men like me, so this sort of gives me hope.A soft, sensitive, shy guy is an outsider. He has spent a lot of time watching people, daydreaming, observing; he is a good judge of character and sensitive to emotions. However, it will take much more than a subtle hint to get him to ask you out.Someone suggested you do the asking, but this is not wise. Young men like this can be a little insecure about their masculinity and would feel much better about themselves if they asked you out (like a real man, they tell themselves). You just need to make it completely obvious that you like him; even go as far as to say outright that you fancy him. It's likely he will be entertaining hopes to that effect. But yes, you will score 'points' by letting him ask you out, though you will have to sort of foist yourself on him if you want to get to know him.Gentle guys often dream about having a 'sexy' girlfriend, but most of them, at around age 13, started to notice that these girls are invariably taken by boys deficient in intellect, manners and emotional sophistication; the 'sporty boys', (against whom we have sworn bitter, lifelong enmity). Girls like you are the stuff of dreams; you seem unattainable. Only bear in mind that he may quickly form the impression that you are not choosy about the men you sleep with, however wrong that impression may be. I would advise that you do not dress too sexily before you get to know him well; if you're an attractive girl, he will see that in you without you having to flaunt it too much. In general , sexiness will not put him off as long as he's sure you like him.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (30 June 2013):
 I think that it would take a lot more effort on your part to get involved with a guy like that, because the alpha type of guy would usually do all the work for you. I'd say I find myself a little like that to be fair, I have a lot of mates that have no problems when it comes to speaking to girls, but I find it pretty intimidating tbh lol sounds pretty childish, but some people are just like that.
I don't think that would turn people off you, especially if they know you're a nice girl and like you said, you don't sleep around, but I think it would be intimidating for a geekier kind of guy to initiate conversation with someone that they'd probably put theirself beneath or think they're way outta their league.
If you find someone, I don't think there would be anything wrong with you asking them out, in fact its actually pretty nice for a girl to take control rather than letting the guy do everything all the time.
We all have different types of people that we are interested in, I wouldn't read too much into it!
Hope this helped
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2013): Wow, you sound pretty similar to me. I too am female and am very independent. I tend to work out harder than other females I'm around. I'm still very feminine though. I'm not loud or dominating, but I am quite headstrong and am more likely to be a leader than a follower. In the past I've attracted guys with big personalities. And I don't like it.
I am SO much more attracted to the gentler guys who are soft spoken and less dominating. I feel more at ease with a guy who has a softer personality than I do. I think I gain the attention of big personalities more because the gentler guys are a little intimidated? Who knows. But your case may be similar to this.
I really do think it has to do with opposites attracting. Headstrong guy with a headstrong girl is just asking for a clash later down the road. But a headstrong girl with a sensitive guy balances things out. And as far as "chasing" goes, I never chase. As headstrong and independent as I am I am actually an introvert and am pretty unlikely to initiate conversation. Fortunately I seem to be pretty approachable. Making yourself easy to approach may help you out, but always be yourself!
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