A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My problem has been a problem for a really long time.I could talk about this and write a f****** novel on it. I'm going to try my best to keep it short.I met a boy a couple years ago. I feel in love with him and he liked me. We almost dated.Throughout the years that boy and I have been friends but we never actually got to dating, even after both admitting we like each other and even after having phone sex... it just never happened. but he was always there for me and I've never been able to get over him. Now, I have a boyfriend. I'll call my boyfriend Dave and the other guy Alex. (not real names)Dave and I have been going out for more then a year. We're attached at the hip and he's wonderful.I'm worried I still have feelings for AlexI love Dave, but sometimes my mind travels off the stupid and thinks about how it would be if it was Alex and I. If I had lost my virginity to Alex and if Alex felt the same way.I don't know why I think like thatI DON'T WANT TO HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR ALEXI don't want to date him, I don't want to break up with Dave, I don't want to have these feelings after three years for Alex.I'm just confused and wondering why I still feel this way even if I don't want toDoes anyone understand me?and can someone give me advice on what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone, you give great advice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2011): How do you REALLY feel about "Dave"? Do you really love him or do you just feel it's the "right" thing to persuade yourself you love him?
I think a large part of your feelings for "Alex" comes from fantasy, and the bond you formed going beyond decent boundaries before. At your age it's normal to think about feelings for guys you don't have, or only have in a small way. The "what if" factor, behind the safety net of knowing you won't really find out (you said yourself you don't want to date him). A large part of it is probably a desire for "Alex" to have feelings for you, because it feels good to be secretly liked romantically.
It's ok to feel what you feel. Try to be honest with yourself as much as possible, with one thing at a time (anything, maybe not even related to these guys, just whatever you have a hard time being honest with yourself about). Push yourself out of your comfort zone with this. Then you might slowly understand yourself better, and start to understand why you feel the things you do.
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A
female
reader, jodieleigh  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 the best thing to do is ignore the feelings for alex...
if he wanted you as bad as you want him he would've already made his move on you..... plus if u act on these impulses you and dave will be over and then go back to messing around for months or years the way it was before with alex. don't throw away love for friends with benefits.
the other thing you can do is talk to Alex... tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same... if he does you gotta choose... if he doesn't ... at least you know where you stand with him...
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