A
male
age
41-50,
*uperDan
writes:Have you ever just met a person and just as you were getting to know them well, and found out that you have a lot in common, all of a sudden they announce that they are leaving/moving away/something else?That's what happened to me in the past month.There's this girl at my job, a co-worker, who I had really hit things off with well. She already has a boyfriend, who lives in another state, so I wasn't necessarily expecting it to go that way, but for what it's worth, I really enjoyed her company and the conversations we had. She's really sweet too, she's pretty, she loves kids, and always has a smile when she talks to me.It turns out that we have so much in common with one another; In short, she has all of the qualities that I would want in a so-called "Dream Girl". And then, just two weeks ago, she says that she's moving to another state (where she's originally from and where her boyfriend lives).And for some reason, even though I already knew of her situation, I feel so crushed that she's leaving. I actually broke down into tears after work one day because I was so sad that she was leaving. I feel like I may have accidently fallen in love with her or something.She did say that she would love to stay in contact with me though so that's something I guess. But it's just not going to feel the same around the job anymore. It's just so weird! Why do I feel so sad over a girl I've only known for a month? Is it possible to have such an effect on a person in such short time?Have any of you ever experienced something like this? How did it go? How did you handle it?
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male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (4 July 2014):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAs a man of faith myself, I always believe that He's looking after us, even when it seems like He isn't. And I'm very happy that He brought her into my life.As for us meeting again, it may happen yet...I just found out from one of my co-workers that she said that she will be coming back in about six months or so. Also, as I said in my original post, she said she'd be happy to stay in contact. So yep, I guess we'll see what happens. And another thing, she's an actress and I'm an actor myself, so who knows? Maybe we'll find ourselves working on a project together one day.Thanks for the input and I feel for you and your situation too. That pretty much sums up how I felt also. Hope things go well for you; it should be interesting to see what has developed in the past 8 months. :-)
A
female
reader, jerseystrong11 +, writes (3 July 2014):
I can relate to this. I'm 20 and I became good friends with my co-worker who was 30 (and married). There was a lot of chemistry and we always joked around. However, I left that workplace and i felt an empty feeling. I felt like I lost a best friend and someone I loved. We have no contact.... and just found out recently that I will be returning to that workplace (after 8 months)... God works in mysterious ways. Maybe one day you two will meet again. Or maybe your relationship with her was just meant to help you grow as a person. Either way, i hope you eventually talk and at least end up friends again.
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A
male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (30 June 2014):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe talks about him once in a while, not like some of these other girls I've known who talk about their boyfriends endlessly (how annoying). She does sound happy about him and (BIG UPDATE) I just found out today that she's known him since high school. So there's that.
Today was her last day, so I pretty much said my goodbyes to her today, hugged her, and such. We left off in a manner that suggests that everything will be fine between us. I had asked her about how she met her boyfriend and how long they've been together as a way of letting her know that I'm aware of where we stand with each other. She reciprocated well.
I actually did tell her about a week ago, and I'm totally serious here, that I hope to meet a girl like her someday. She was very flattered by that. It was almost like a way of admitting my feelings while still acknowledging how things are.
This may sound weird, but part of me is actually somewhat happy that she won't be here anymore. I don't know, maybe it's so I won't have to worry about letting my feelings overcome me or something. But at least I can rest easy knowing that I got to say everything I wanted to say to her and that we left off on good terms.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2014): I feel a lil hesitant to reply to this post.
I am not sure who you are but the same thing happened to me.
I have a picture that I took with him too.I am sure he has a girl.I never asked.I was going through a bad breakup from an abusive marriage.So I had the ring on for a long time.He probably thought I was married.He was so different from every other guy I ever met.
I know what you are going through.He moved onto another state as well.It hurt so much.I barely knew him.But I focused on other stuff,spent time with other friends,immersed myself in work etc.,
If she has a boyfriend and she seems happy with him,stay away.You have feelings for her.The friendship would never work unless you are able to look at her as just another girl.From the post,you seem fairly smitten.
Does she talk about her boyfriend a lot?
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A
male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (26 June 2014):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am single, never been married.
Again, I knew it wouldn't go any further than co-worker or friend, but as a couple? Not while she has a boyfriend, no. I do respect that fact very much so and she sounds like she's really happy with him. But it's not like she ignored me at work or was annoyed by my talking to her. In fact, she started up a lot of our conversations and was just a very happy person.
And she is originally from another state, the same state she is now moving back to. What this is probably telling me is I should look for out of towners more often. I have often felt that city girls don't really gel well with me, but I find that the country girls are so much easier to get along with.
On the one hand, it does tell me that the ideal girl does exist, I just have to find her. And it does sound like we will still get to speak with each other; she voluntarily gave me her number and asked me if I have Facebook (I don't, but have long been thinking of starting an account just for my co-workers).
One nice thing that happened was that she let me take a picture with her, and she smiled real pretty too. So at least I have that to remember her by.
I guess I also saw her as someone different from the type of girls I'm used to seeing around my hometown; a lot of girls who, though pretty, are self-absorbed and off-putting. Whereas she was warmer, easier to speak to, and just fun to be around, the type I don't see very often.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): You grew attached by spending time with her. If you're single, it is time you start dating and not attaching your feelings to women who basically can't get away from you.
Everyone grows fond of people, and certainly would feel bad if they learn they would be leaving once an attachment for them has been established. You are a lonely man and should be out dating; if you don't have a girlfriend, or you're not married. You neglected to mention your marital-status.
That's weird. It shouldn't be left to speculation. It does make a difference.
If you know someone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, you don't allow your feelings to become romantic. That's a matter of maturity and self-control. A rare commodity nowadays. People seem to have a strong sense of entitlement and very little respect for boundaries. They make excuses that they can't help themselves. The truth...they don't want, or care to. So they don't.
As humans, we can easily become attached to very lovely people who exhibit all the best attributes we desire in a person, or a potential mate. Knowing they belong to someone else; should build an invisible barrier that would not allow our subconscious-mind to form an attachment that cannot be fulfilled. That my man, is simple common-sense.
Grown-men develop a sense of respect for what is lawfully or morally unavailable for our taking. So the appropriate feelings should be developed for the right reasons, and for the right people. At least, in the logical and sensible way of thinking.
Love also sets it's boundaries. It does not go out willy-nilly as people falsely claim it does. We know where and where not to send it. Otherwise; no one would marry or stay married. Committed relationships would not exist at all.
I've had neighbors, colleagues, school-mates, and a slew of people that I've grown deep fondness for. Even very much attached to. I've keep it all in perspective. The majority of people I've known, seem to.
Yes sir, it does leave me with a very heavy heart to learn they are moving on; or I will never see them again. My emotional reaction may not be that intense. Depending how long I knew them, the length and depth of my sadness would vary.
However; because of social media, not as much anymore. In your case, your feelings go beyond fondness. You're claiming romantic-feelings. That would make continued communication inappropriate, and you're disguising your attraction for her as a friendly co-worker. That is deceptive. Your unrequited feelings will only nag at you every-time you hear from her. Man, that gets to be a real drag.
Grown-men know when to let go. We also know when to ignore a crush on some other guy's woman. Grownups tend to outgrow tendencies we had as boys and girls; because maturity and experience helps us to get a handle on any feelings that we know are unreasonable or misdirected. It's easier on the heart and mind.
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A
female
reader, lifeSaparty +, writes (25 June 2014):
 It doesn't sound to me like you're accidentally in love,however it does sound like you became familiar with her.since she was a co worker of yours you two probably had a routine you followed and with her leaving you feel kinda thrown outta whack without that routine you've grown so accustom to.
Or maybe you feel as if you lost your chance to go balls deep. Either way you can still keep in contact but only if she writes/texts/calls you first because women now a days like playing these bullshit mind games with nice guys like you and you don't want to look too available to her.
Well this is just my take on things,I'm sure you can find a better girl,don't let this small bump in the road bring you down
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (25 June 2014):
 You fell in love and unfortunately only realised it when she decided to leave. Accept that it was never meant to be and its best that she left as she could never be yours. Grieve the loss and move on. No contact is best as you need to heal.
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