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female
age
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*wansongood
writes:It's been about 10 months of a on again-off again relationship on his part. He comes up with reasons to break it off. I have yet to be invited to his home. He swears that he's just a private person that does not let every girl he meets into his life easily. We have broken up several times over this. He claims to love me and buys me lots of stuff. I refuse to spy on him but feel there is something up??? Is he leading a double -triple life? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): You'd better believe there's something up with his behavior. These type usually have lots to hide and aren't trustworthy. Giving you gifts is only a way to keep you interested while he leads his double life. Don't let yourself be disrespected. You deserve better.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (25 June 2014):
 You know that "check engine" light on your car's instrument panel? If you are like many others, if/when it comes on, you sort-of ignore it... then, next time you have your oil changed, you ask the mechanic to look at it and find out why it's on. Often, it's something minor, like a bug got caught in your air filter... and it triggered the light, then never happened again....
NOW, your personal "check boyfriend" light is on... not only ON.. but FLASHING.... and MAKING NOISE... and doing any- and everything it can to get you to respond to it. (Your "check boyfriend" light is really your "woman's intuition.")
SO... NOTICE IT... "listen" to it.... and you will find that there is something SERIOUSLY WRONG with this "relationship." Then, correct what's wrong...
Good luck....
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2014): Why are you complaining? You took him back. Is that because he buys you lots of stuff?
You say you break up a lot. If you forgive him and take him back; you're sending the message that no matter what, he can always comeback.
When men keep you away from their homes, they're hiding something. This is a fact. He doesn't want you to know where to find him, or come looking for him when he dumps you. He may even have a woman already there.
He knows where you live! You're a private person too! If he is married, or has a girlfriend. She can find YOU!!!
If you suspect he's living a double-life, breakup. End it, once and for all. Get another boyfriend.
I noticed your age is about 50 or older. It seems to be a trend that older men and women are too tolerant of abuse and bad-behavior on the part of their partners. This is because they let their age put the fear of loneliness ahead of their better judgement. They are afraid they don't have a lot of options or choices when it comes to dating and romance. So they put up with the most unbelievable nonsense for someone their age.
You're putting up with stuff out of this guy; because you feel you have little choice. You would allow him to treat you like someone of questionable character, who can't be trusted around his home. Yet he can undress you, and use your body in your own bed! He gives you presents to keep you quiet.
You are wasting your precious time. By tolerating his treating you like a mistress, you are allowing him to disrespect you as woman and as a decent person. That is beneath your dignity.
He is getting the message you'll put up with being treated this way, because you're desperate. Even if he IS living a double-life, I think you'd keep him.
Imagine what life would be like; if you didn't have to worrying about him all the time. Having a boyfriend open and honest with you. Wouldn't that be really nice?
What kind of boyfriend would not invite you to his house? That doesn't make sense under any circumstances.
If he needs his privacy, he shouldn't commit to women and call them his girlfriend. Coming only to their homes and keeping them away from his. There isn't one woman I know that would allow that.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (25 June 2014):
 Sounds like it. I would move on. To say he doesn't let girls get too close is one thing, but there's not getting too close and being practically a stranger.
The fact he buys you things is very telling. Rather than invite you to his home or open up to you, he gives you a kiss, a gift and verbal confirmation he loves you, hoping it will get you off his back for a while about his home life.
Always listen to your gut feelings.
Mark
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