A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I Been with this guy for a while now and our relationship is good. But i'm always buying stuff for him like food related (chips.etc)and i give him money not like a lot of money just a couple singles every now and than. A gut feeling is telling me im being used. But the other half isnt, cause he do stuff for me, we went to the mall together and he bought me this necklace, and promise ring. And hes really sweet to me, he's always there if i want to talk. But its just something, about him i cant put my finger on thats making me feel sad..
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 September 2012):
 does he ask for the food or are you offering...
if you are offering, then stop offering
if he is asking then you can say "sorry I don't have the funds today" every other day or so... but don't make it a noticeable pattern..
gauging how a person feels about you by what they buy you is not a good thing. saying he bought you a necklace and a ring does not absolve him from treating you with respect.
you feel you are being used... why?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 But, why are you ALWAYS buying him food and giving him money ? Does he ask you to, or do you offer him every single time ?...And in the second case, why do you do that , is it perhaps an attempt to secure his companionship and affection by giving him stuff ?...
Let's give him the benefit of doubt. Maybe he is just absent minded , one of those persons who don't keep track of money, of who pays what. And if he occasionally buys you stuff too, apparently he is not a natural born moocher,maybe he's just casual about money. But there is a simple and effective experiment you can do . Just stop ,for the moment, to buy him or offer him anything. No more freebies,at all. If he does not notice and keeps being sweet and affectionate, then no problem. If he sulks, pouts, complains or gets mad , or, worse, disappears on you- then yes, he is a wanna be user.
A word of warning anyway : being generous and giving is a wonderful quality that I would not think of discouraging... but only up to the point that you can afford it , and that you can do it gladly and willingly.
If you have to deprive yourself unnecessarily in order to spoil somebody , or if you have to feel resentful and uncomfortable after you have given... then no, it is not a quality, it is some sort of neurotic compulsion.
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