A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid, I am a caregiver for my mom I have four other siblings that really refuses to be apart of this situation with my mom.She is getting older she can't hold her body fluids like she use to so its and often clean up I have to do so my home won't smell.I want to prevent my mom from going to a home but because nobody wants I don't know where to turn to for help but I can't keep lifting her my back is giving out everyday and now that I decided to start working out the smaller I be come its going to be a problem .She has dead weight from not being able to get around. I have a strong back brother that stays here he hollers at her Everytime is ask for help so he calls me to come to her aide.I really need help with this my mom never abandon us and if I choose to do this it will be like I turned my back on her.My sister just comes over once a month bring two items and leave the other sister doesn't come at all.The other brother he works but he is a drug addict I am stuck between a rock and a hard place have no leg to stand on.Please Help!:( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (9 July 2013):
 You're not abandoning your mother, you're trying to find a solution that will help BOTH of you. You need to stop feeling guilty and try to just think logically about what will work. I know its very difficult watching a loved one get older and unable to take care of themselves any longer, I've been there.
Your family sadly sound absolutely worthless so don't even try to put them in the equation any longer. Please know that there are places in the USA that can and will be able to give you help if you chose not to put your mother in a nursing facility.
There are programs that can bring a nurse or caregiver in to bathe, cook, and clean. Some will even stay with the person. I'm sorry I don't know exactly what program because I live in FL and my parents are in Ohio, but my sister/mom got all these kinds of things set up for my father. That way, he can stay at home still but all of the burden doesn't fall on my family.
You've got the internet, so start looking around for these kinds of programs. Perhaps you could call the local health dept., they might be able to steer you in the right direction? If you go to church, ask the minister. THERE IS HELP! You can even go through medicare/medicaid..so don't despair. Start doing, and not focus so much on worrying..you'll feel better and get alot more done. *HUGS*
And sweetie, if worse comes to worse, you must not feel badly if your mom does have to go into a home. There are wonderful assisted living facilities across the country. You just have to do some checking and possibly some legwork.
Good luck..its going to be ok!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2013):
 You need help. A good home is a Godsend, so why do you not want to do that? There are many who balance care with independence and offering the joys of life that she hasn't had access to. A good home takes care of the body and the mind, allowing her to enjoy her life to the fullest and you to get the help you need.
Don't be afraid of change. Fear keeps people frozen and scared. Your mom is scared, you are scared. Do your homework, but you need assistance.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I am sorry to say it but I don't think anyone can help you. It's just one of those facts of life that when parents get older and dependant, often a lot of the children turn their backs and it usually falls to one person to pick up the pieces.
Let your siblings know that if they are not going to help out with your mums care, then they need to stay away from your home. They all sound like very selfish people so it wont be a loss to not have them around.
I don't know what help is available to you in the states. Here in the UK we have carers allowance (although it isn't much) and help towards adapting your home for wheelchair access is available. There is also the opportunity for respite care.
See if there is an organisation that your church can put you in touch with who offer help for the elderly. You may be able to get free hor meals delivered or a hoist to help lift your Mother.
I think it's better to be pro active and seek out the help rather than just worrying about things...and your brothers and sisters need to take a hike if they arn't going to help.
I have two brothers and a sister and my parents are getting old...we have plans to move them closer to us and share the care when they can't look after themselves.
You just have a shit family who don't care about your mum...but YOU DO care and you should be proud that you are such a kind caring person.
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