A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he has said he wants to marry me and even gave me a promise ring on Valentine's Day. We spend a lot of time together, and everything is good. I have yet to meet his parents, however, since they live in another country. He's told me that he has told them about me though,so they should know we are serious. Just a little background, culturally for us, introducing our respective partners to our parents is a big deal...Well, his parents are visiting this summer for a month, and he has said this is an opportunity to finally introduce me. But two weeks have already passed and I've yet to meet his parents. He and I will be out of town the next weekend, leaving only the last weekend to potentially meet since we both work full time during the weekday.I guess I'm just disappointed. I can't help but feel that if he meant to marry me...or at the least was into me enough, he would have done it as soon as possible considering we have only a one month window with weekends only. Personally, if I wanted to marry someone I would want to include them with my family. I understand he doesnt get to see them as much either, but at the least it would take five minutes.... But maybe he doesn't mean what he says about marriage or even loving me enough long term?More random background into: he was still in love with his ex when we started dating. But he finally cut her out after a few months. At the time he dated her, he introduced her to his parents. I guess I'm still sad about what happened in the beginning and still feel like second choice at times. That might be why I'm sensitive. I also don't want to be foolish and used again either....Thank you for reading. I appreciate any insight/help! .
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2013): Hi again, I'm the op. thank you all for your advice and thoughts, they really helped me put things in perspective.
My bf did end up making a date (I didn't say a word) to introduce me. Eerie coincidence. I don't even know what to think to be honest. I think that I still have issues of my own is the reason.
But thank you all again!!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 July 2013):
 I think Honeypie is right, but I don't think you should let him off the hook for that. If it's been a year and he's breaking out the M word and promise rings, then it's high time you meet the family. He doesn't get to use his baggage from his ex as a reason to short-change you.
Remember, you do not pay for an ex's pain. He needs to get over it and have you meet. Suggest a short coffee out for 45 minutes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 July 2013):
 Could it be that he is a little cautious with the introduction thing because he DID introduce the ex and the relationship didn't last? NOT, that it is fair that he doesn't have more faith in the two of you, but it could be a reason. He doesn't want to "lose face" to his parents "again'.
I honestly think it's smart NOT to tell him at least not til they are gone (or you have met them). IT should be something he would WANT to do, not feel obligated to do.
I would however have a talk about it when they are gone. And by then it's up to you if you can accept his explanation (if he has any) or not.
It does seem odd that he has asked to marry you, but doesn't think that introducing his future wife should be important to you all.
Also, a promise ring is not an engagement ring. It's a promise to want to be with you and only you. (for now). So he SAID he wants to marry you, but he hasn't really SHOWED you that he WANTS to marry you. (If that makes sense)
That is the thing about dating someone who have an ex. You never know what kind of things happened before that makes YOUR relationship a little harder (or easier).
I would try to not take it so personal for now. Go with the flow, but... TALK about it AFTER they have gone home.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): I should also add - don't worry about pressuring him. If he's taking up more than a year of your life 'dating' and not making yourself available to other potential partners out there, then you have a right to know what is happening and where he sees this heading. Have a backbone and ask the tough questions.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Rather than willowing in confusion. ASK him. Ask him, so will I be meeting your parents this trip??? If he hesitates,makes up excuses or says no...well there you have your answer. He just might not be that serious about you (yet, if ever).
It took my hubby almost 2 years to introduce me to his family. He had a major complex in introducing girls to his family. At 30 now, I'm not sure if I would tolerate this again. It's really upto you - I asked him many times when/why during those two years. He was honest that he had an issue.
Be upfront and be honest with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): Hi, I'm the op. I should add, I don't necessarily want to tell him anything. I don't want to pressure him or make him feel obligated if he doesn't want to introduce me.
I guess if anything I'm trying to figure out what I need to do for myself. What is understandable/normal and what is not. I'm still a little mad at myself for how much I allowed in the beginning. I want to be strong and not let it happen again.... Maybe I've become jaded...
...............................
|
