A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I was in love with a guy for over two years but he only really wanted sex and the odd date here and there. I knew this deep down but I went along with it because I thought I might be the one person who actually could change a person. I guess the reason I thought this (apart from being very naive) was that when we weren't having sex and were just hanging out, we got on really well and had a lot of fun and a couple of times he even referred to me as his girlfriend. Meanwhile, his actions (or lack thereof) spoke volumes. He didn't call me, he took 24 hours to reply to my texts, he cancelled dates at short notice, he refused to show me any kind of affection in public etc etc. That's only scraping the surface, there were many things worse than that. Earlier this year I finally made the decision to walk away. Once I had made that decision, the rest was quite easy. I took a job in a different town and stopped contacting him. The more I thought about him, trying to be objective, the more repulsed by him I became. I almost stopped thinking about him. The problem is that I didn't tell him it was over for me, because I don't think there was any "it" in the first place as far as he was concerned. I think he was just having a bit of fun so I felt really stupid about saying anything. Besides, he barely seemed to notice that I had ceased contact. He would text me now and then and I replied sometimes, other times not. I should have ignored him completely. Now I have decided the contact must stop once and for all. I don't feel anything for him and even if I did it would be pointless trying to have him in my life. He texted me four days ago and I haven't replied in any way. He's written again asking if something is up. I haven't replied. The thing is, I feel AWFUL about it. In my head it sounds so easy to tell myself just not to reply but the reality is much much harder. He's actually not a very nice person, and doesn't deserve my time or energy, but I feel really guilty for ignoring him. I'm starting to think I should just be straight with him and tell him but I think I would get a barrage of verbal abuse. I know that if things were the other way around he wouldn't bother to let me know, as he was happy to string me along for two years, but I just hate this whole thing. How can I stop feeling so guilty about this? What is the right thing to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): You did the right thing. Stand your ground and continue to ignore him.
A
female
reader, FreshPrincess  +, writes (3 June 2013):
You have two choices, the first being to tell him what is really up. Don't be mean about it, but let him know that whatever you had is over with and that you've moved on. After that, I would not respond to anything else he says. I know exactly where you are, and I also got hit with some nasty comments after that, but I chose to ignore the loser and that's what you should do as well. You were strong enough to get over him, so a few nasty messages won't hurt. Just laugh about it and delete them.
The other choice you have is to ignore him as you have been doing. Listen, you don't OWE him anything, so you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about! Do what your gut feels is right, but DO NOT feel bad about it!
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