A
male
age
51-59,
*lack Ash
writes:My wife had what I figure was an emotional affair a few years ago. There was a lot of texting. I don't think there was any physical contact and she came totally clean about it in the finish. It devastated me at the time and had a pretty bad affect on our marriage but she ended it immediately and things recovered pretty well. Here's my question.... eventhough sometimes I wonder if there is still some kind of ongoing contact (and I hope there isn't though I'll probably never know), why does part of me feel guilty about discovering it and making her put an end to it? It's like part of me wants her to have that bit of excitement in her life which she said it brought her at the time while at the same time I know that feelings of jealousy would consume me if anything was still going on.I'm very confused by these feelings. Can anyone here help me get my head around it all?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (27 October 2009):
Perhaps you're feeling guilty not because you made her end it, but because she felt she had to have an emotional affair in the first place and you are blaming yourself? She has ended it, and it would seem as if she's given you no reason to distrust her since, though I understand why you continue to think about it. I would suggest sitting down with her and talking to her about how you feel. Say that you are upset that she had to have the affair because it makes you feel as if the marriage wasn't good enough. Ask her if there is any way that you could make your own marriage more exciting for you both so she knows she loved by you and doesn't need to go to anyone else for comfort. And listen to her. The thing to do is make sure she knows she's loved and that you want to make her feel happy and excited. Good luck
A
male
reader, Black Ash +, writes (27 October 2009):
Black Ash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I shouldn't feel guilty but part of me does. I'm just wondering why I do feel that way. I feel I robbed her of something in her life. Yeah, I know it wasn't appropriate and all that and I was mad at her at the time. Really mad! And yet deep down I'd probably freak if I found she was still texting him now.
I just can't make any sense out of the contradictory thoughs I'm having, that's all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): I don't think you should feel guilty. If you want your wife to have some excitement in her life, what is stopping you texting her? My husband after years of having a moblie phone but never texting has just learnt how much fun it can be, we have some very 'nice' text messages in the morning when he has left for work, sometimes lunch time and even when he is on his way hone, it's all part of foreplay.
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