A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been hanging out with this guy that I've known for several years. We've always just been friends but lately its seemed like more for both of us. We started kissing, then one thing led to the next. I'm still a virgin so I told him I wasn't ready for sex. He was fine with that so we just fooled around. I enjoyed myself at the time, but right after I just felt dirty. Now I can't get the images out of my head. I feel so disgusting and ashamed. The troubling part is that I can see myself marrying this guy. Please help :(
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male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (10 October 2010):
 firstly sex is'nt dirty, so you have nothing to feel dirty about. at your age you should be having a normal sex life.
that dos'nt mean having sex, but you should be able to handle the moral and mental issues involved.
why do you feel ashamed?. sex is normal human behavior.
i think it may be a religous issue here.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Well it sounds like you feel you violated your personal morals. If you feel wrong for doing it then don't do it again.
It sounds like you just feel like you should not have been expressing your sexuality with this guy when you felt serious about him but it was too early and no commitment. The specific places you draw the lines are pretty chaste by modern standards but the core feelings you are having still make logical sense to me.
If you had said you slept with him then I think everyone would understand how you feel. It's only a matter of degree between what you did and sleeping with him. Yes it's a pretty large degree, but still only degree and not really a huge principle difference.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 October 2010):
 What you did felt good to both of you and didn't hurt anyone. It was overall a net positive experience. I'd imagine if you feel guilt from fooling around it is probably something pretty deep seeded causing you to feel like this. I'd recommend a good therapist to help you through this, since I don't think anyone here can fix something like that in a quick comment. That will help you to have a more satisfying love life later on if you can get through this.
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