A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi guys im 18 and started my first year of college after a year out of education in september. i met a girl but she had a bouyfriend and i really liked her she was all i could think about but then those feelings went away after about 3/4 months and then i started having strong feelings for my friends girlfriend and i really likeed her up to the point where i thought i loved her and i thought she liked me back as well but that lasted about 3/ months as well.then recently the first girl i mensioned i found out that her friend liked me and i liked her cause we had been speaking fo a while so we went out for a date and then after the date i just lost all interest in her and this is after about 1 month and now i feel like i have to force myself in to liking someone and i feel like i get bored really quickly.im still a virgin and ive never had a girlfriend in my life.why do i feel this way?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Hi,I help people understand their behaviors for a living and I would like to help you understand your behavior.From what you have written it would seem a trend is apparent. You tend to have feelings for girls who are already in a relationship.And you have told us that you lost interest in a girl that liked you. I assume she did not have a boyfriend.I would guess that you have recognised this trend. And you have fallen to believe that you only go for girls with boyfriends.This would be the reason you feel this way. Because you have a firm inset belief that you only go for girls with boyfriends.If you didnt have that belief I dont think you will loose interest in single girls.I also have to consider the possibility that your brain has an idea about what qualities and traits a girl must have for you to stay interested. And It is fair to say that this girl didnt match this idea.Psychological problem: "Internal Conflict". You emotions go one way and your analytical mind is confused and wants to go another. This is a tricky one to do online but I would advise you come to terms with what qualities a girl must have to stay interested and asking yourself how you will know when you find them..Imagine how you would feel if you found a girl with the qualities. Visualise the girl in your mind and become aware of the feeling you will feel when you meet a girl with those qualities.Then trust that when she comes along you will recognise the feeling and allow yourself to persist with that relationship.Hope that is clear for you.UKLifecoach
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): You feel that way because... you're a completely normal human being!
It can feel odd to be 'between romantic relationships', but plenty of people have periods in their life where they're not in love with anyone, or even crushing on anyone. That's absolutely healthy and normal. Give it time, and I guarantee you a girl will come along who does interest you! In the meantime, don't try to force it.
It sounds as though what you've been feeling for these girls isn't really love but more of a crush. When I say that, I don't mean that you didn't feel very strongly. Crushing on someone can be an intense and overwhelming experience! However, it is (by definition) transient and doesn't last. That's why you've 'gone off' these girls: because actually, they weren't right for you. When you got to know them better, you found that they didn't attract you any more.
This does not mean that you do not have the capacity to feel love for someone. It just means that (like most people) you chose partners who actually weren't suitable at the start of your romantic life. The critical thing is to use that experience to avoid making the same mistakes over and over. Work out what about those girls didn't work for you, and look for women who better represent your ideals and values in future. (Also, think about the person you want to be. Do you really want to be a relationship wrecker? Are those your values? Or is loyalty and commitment important to you?)
Good luck and don't worry!
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 i'd say you had a crush on those girls..nothing more..and it's actually normal to lose interest after a few months when things are not leading to a relationship..that's the time when you get to know someone and decide weather you want to be with them or not..why do you think most people don't call after a few dates? they lose interest
i had several crushe sin my life, some stronger some weaker..but i eventually fell in love with someone, and i always worried of losing interest too, but then we've been together for 5 months and he's my ex now for 9 months and i still love him..so yeah feelings can be really tricky..i'd say don't worry, relax about it, eventually you'll find the girl you won't lose interest for that easily ;)
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (9 June 2011):
 You've obviously just not met anyone that is enough to hold your attention I.e you haven't met 'the one'. These sound like little crushes that you're having and don't really have any substance.
The girl you dated obviously wasn't interesting enough or your type of you would still like her.
I don't think there's anything wrong with you, just you haven't found the right person yet. She will come along in time, keep searching.
Good luck
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A
male
reader, ben345 +, writes (9 June 2011):
Would you rather be tied down to one single girl for all eternity? Like me, you're young and you've got all the time in the world to play around. You don't need to fall in love yet, just enjoy the freedom and the excitement of not knowing what's around the corner. The 'boredom' may come from obsessing about a girl too much. Don't take a crush too seriously :D
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