A
female
age
51-59,
*hereisthelove
writes:Ok. I'm back. I was on here a long time back whining about am I ever going to get over an abusive ex. Ok, that's done, pain is gone but now I have a very interesting issue. I had been talking to a guy on and off on a dating site for about a month or more. We seemed to have a lot in common but that doesn't mean much sometimes on a dating site, a person can make themselves out to be perfect on there. So I gave him my number after a while and we talked on the phone quite a bit before meeting. When he opened up the door and looked at me I could see this look in his eyes, it looked almost like a look of love but I ignored it because I knew he didn't know me well enough to love me. But guess what. He asked me if I believed in love at first sight and I told him no but I believe in lust at first sight. He just laughed it off and we kept talking. A few days later he told me that he thinks he loves me, from the day he saw me he says he felt it. He says that I deserve to be treated like a queen and he wants to grow our relationship from the heart before we move into the sex part. I have never experienced this with a guy. I mean so far I really like him but I don't love him. I am so use to being used and abused I find it hard to believe what he is telling me. Could he actually love me? Only he knows how his heart feels but I am kind of hesitant about it all. What do you think? Have you ever experienced this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, whereisthelove +, writes (9 June 2011):
whereisthelove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your replies. My gut tells me that he's too good to be true but I have to take into consideration my past abusive relationship and if any man is nice to me I don't think that it's real. So I think I will be taking it real slow, like snail mail slow.
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (9 June 2011):
 Love at first sight...He probably had the overwhelming chemical reaction that I had when I first saw the person I can't get off my mind.I think this could easily be mistaken, or confused with love. Especially with us men.I know I don't 'love' the woman of my dreams because I have not spent any meaningful time with her. HOWEVER, I haven't been able to get her off my mind for 3 or 4 months and I know I would do just about anything for her. Is that love? No. not true love. But it sure acts like love. And frankly, it kind of feels like it. I would guess that this guy feels incredible chemistry toward you- which of course - we all want to have when we start a meaningful relationship. Right?And I want to stress to you, that men can feel chemistry that goes far beyond sexual attraction. It sounds to me like he is feeling that. I would be alarmed at his inability to separate these feelings and identify them at his age. I guess i'd be asking myself about his emotional maturity. Are you compatible there?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2011):
 If there are no "red flags" other then the "love declaration" - I would just take it slow and get to know him and let him get to know you. Who knows he might just BE a romantic. He is obviously capable of long term relationships.
What does your gut tell you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Take it slow. Don't have sex with him. Wait for a long time and see if he does treat you well. Then if you're sure about him you can be in a relationship with him. I don't believe in love at first sight. Because you can't be in love with someone unless you don't know who they really are. He just barely met you. I would say its infatuation. And you're right about "lust at first sight" because he wants a relationship right away. It would be better if you became friends and as time passes if you think he's a nice guy and you like him then be in a relationship with him. Its best to know him more and then be in a relationship rather than being used in a short term relationship.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (9 June 2011):
 I think he liked you a lot and cares for you a lot, that meaning he will love you in the future if you two stay together. the fact that he doesn't want to move to the sex part before you get emotionally close it's a good sign.
But only you can tell if he's honest or not because you're the one who sees his actions, body language etc.
If you ask me then i think you should go on more dates with him and see how things are going:)
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A
female
reader, whereisthelove +, writes (9 June 2011):
whereisthelove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is 49 and he was married for 19 years. He does know some of my background. He is really into me way early into the game. Like I told him you don't even really know me, I have flaws just like the next person and he may find he doesn't even like me that much once he gets to know me. LOL
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 June 2011):
Honestly I would be a little weary of someone professing love right off the bat. ( or that fast rather). Maybe I'm a little jaded but word are sometimes just words. Know what I mean? Does the guy know about your background? If so, he surely knows how to wheel you in.
I, like you, believe more that you can feel lust at first sight, love? no, not so much. For me love is more then the mere physical look of another person. It's knowing their personality and soul.
Either he is one of those guys who is trying to say all the right things, a manipulative person or he is a hopeless romantic. It's hard to tell which.
I would just take it slow with this guy. Look at his actions, not just listen to his words.
Is he in his 40's and unmarried? Has he been married before?
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