A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have broken up with my ex about 2 and a half months ago. I have had many one-day dates in the past but he was my first relationship that lasted for a year. I broke it off, because i couldn't take being hurt any longer by him and basically being his rebound. He still loved his ex gf that was basically his first love whom he was w/ for 6-7 years. He always explained to me that he would always love her and she would always love him back in return. They were "best friends", and i hated it. They would call each other, she would text him at night "gn babe, love u xoxoxo" , and i would cringe every time i heard his phone beep at night or when i knew he would be talking to her. It just made me nauseous. He never loved me, and i never did either. I only thought i did at one point.In the beginning he cheated on me numerous of times with his ex,forgot my birthday,(remembered her's)didn't celebrate v-day,(but bought his whore chocolates),and for our 1st christmas he bought me a "stocking stuffer",while i spent 100$...his ex whore is now with his ex best friend only for money since she's a gold digger,while i guess my ex and the whore are fooling around again.(not surprised) I just call it the "fucked up triangle" and I am so glad that I am not involved in it anymore. I just feel bad for his next potential gf as, his myspace says that he is looking.However, i just can't see to get over all the hurt and pain that he has caused me. I know it sounds silly, he was a prick, and all my friends hated him and said i was worthy of doing so much better. Yet, 2 and a half moths later I am still in a rut, and still hurt by everything. I've "hung out" with a him a few times for comfort, but that has stopped after reading a text message on his phone to her that made me sick to my stomach. Since the incident which happened a month ago i've spoken to him about 3 times since, and he's always been a dick,but i haven't been an angel on the phone either. I'm just so hurt. Our last conversation ended with me saying "ooh okkk, have a nice day!" because he told me that "well im going to go, since u have nothing to say" I was so angry that i found myself yelling out load as if he was in my presence., because i know he has full conversations w/ her all the time. I'm just angry,hurt, and perhaps jealous of her too as the same time. He's 24 and she's soon to be 29, and i find her incredibly immature. But why should i care?..why do i find myself wanting to call him,but yet i know that I am going to be hurt every time. Mind u, he doesn't call me,because he doesn't care,like he never has. I'm wondering if he shall remember my soon to be b-day,which if he doesn't i don't intend on keeping in touch.Meanwhile, i want to bounce back and get fit. If for say we bump into each other in the future, i want that "reese witherspoon" comeback.
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best friend, cheated on me, christmas, ex girlfriend, his ex, immature, jealous, money, my ex, myspace, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): aww thank u so "music muse" for the comment:) and as for self esteem issues, you nailed that one down..i guess i've always had them, still struggling w/ them as u can see :( and my family constantly bringing me down and bringing up my past doesn't help either..but my ipod is a godsend :) ..works to just shun them out, as i always do..but as for telling myself that every day, i guess it's easier said then done, since i always seem to nick pick at every little flaw that i find within myself :( but i am working on that :)
thank u as well "stroller" for the comment :) but regrettably i know that a few months isn't long enough to get over the hurt, but i guess i make myself out to be stronger than i really am. i guess most of the time i just put up a facade to make others believe that everything is "ok," but in reality things are not as ok as they seem.
however, your comment was slightly harsh but truthful, and i do hold my anger above him of course, however, i refer to her as the "whore" because let's face it i hate her! i met her only once in an er room, because at that time he was on her health insurance. if she's this "mature" woman of 28 she would have never gave into his advances knowing that he was w/ someone else and/ or she wouldn't have made advances toward him,considering she was seeing someone else as well!..but i haven't hung out w/him since the incident which was a month ago, so i think i am doing ok :) and meeting new people would be a great idea, however, a little difficult at the moment since i've been carless for 6 weeks now since it's getting fixed :( and plus i don't think im really up for meeting new people at the moment sadly...
to conclude i don't think i am "holding on" per say, i guess the only thing that bothers me is that i wish he knew how much he had hurt me. i think i let go of him 2 and a half months ago, and i intend on keeping it that way, because i don't ever want to get sucked back into a lost, depressing, messy, hole again. i am just an overly caring,compassionate person and he just got the best of me and i thought that i could be just a friend,but i don't think i will be ready for any kind of friendship any time soon..my chinese zodiac sign really explains that to a tee, and therefore, i am a rabbit :)
A
female
reader, musics_muse +, writes (17 March 2008):
you sound like an honest to god, great person. dont put up with people who dont see you for what you are, and what youre worth. it sounds like you might be suffering from self-esteem issues (it sounds like it cause that's part of my problem). the guy hurt you, period. there's no excuse for it. although you like the companionship and the idea of "belonging" to somebody, he was a dick to you. i know it's hard when youre there but trust me once the fog clears you'll be happy you left. youre sound beautiful, and you deserve better. much much better. you need to tell yourself this everyday.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): aww thank u so much for you response! :) im sorry my post came off a little dry, and so for future readers..hi! and thank you for future responses to my ? :) and oops sorry for some spellcheck errors that i have made in the process of writing!
i was pleased to check back merely 2 hours later and to find a response so quickly, it made me smile!..
kudos on him not remembering my birthday, if he didn't remember it the 1st time chances are he won't remember it the 2nd time around!..as for u wishing that i would have yelled at him?..i had a phase where i wrote a few choice e-mails and said some not so nice things to him on the phone but i guess i had never actually yelled at him and told him he was a "jackass" i guess i fig. that i had expressed myself in words enough, and yet he was never going to understand or care how much he hurt me. It was like writing to a wall, literally, and he never wrote back. (go figure?)
i plan on hitting the y tomorrow and letting out my anger on some cardio equipment :)
as for that "majorly impressive man to come into my life" ..im hoping :) right now im just taking much needed me time, warding myself off of men, and stepping up my workouts to have a revenge worthy comeback :)
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 A couple of months isn't long to get over a relationship which you have - regrettably - invested so much emotion. But you're not helping things by continuing to hang out with him.
You describe his other girl as a a "whore", but this is really transference of the blame - it's him who's been messing you about, and him against whom you should harbour anger.
I don't think any snappy answers are going to solve this one - I'd consider counselling, some shared support groups. Even just finding new people in your area (meetup.com?) might be a good start, although it probably doesn't hold a candle to some _long_ conversations talking through why you're so self-destructively holding on to him.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 March 2008):
 The why you can't get over him is because you continue to try to get what you can not have, his undivided attention and some sort of love. He has hurt you badly and you are still in pain. I think you would like for him to realize what he has done to you and have some repentence for what he's done but his brain doesn't work like that. I think he is completely selfish and he had you around for the off moments when his real love couldn't be there for him. For some reason you keep thinking that he will be something he is not. You continue to put yourself in further pain by calling him. Each time you call he only disappoints and hurts you which sets your healing back.
You are setting yourself up for an emotional let down too if you think he will remember your birthday. This man will only continue to disappoint and hurt you. It may take years until he figures out that the relationship he has with his ex is getting in the way of him having a real future. Let's hope you are long gone by then.
I would advise you to forget about him, live your life for you (and that new majorly impressive man who will come into your life). Get in shape. The best revenge is living well without him so you get out there and do it. Too bad you yelled to the wall when you should have yelled at him. I think the closure you needed was to tell him what a royal jackass he was to you, but don't go calling him to do it. If he calls you, go for it, let him have it. My guess is that he wont call you.
The reason he doesn't call you is because he is not available for a relationship and if you do all the work then he doesn't have to feel bad about mistreating you, after all, you were the one who wanted the relationship, not him.
Sorry you have to go through all of this. If it's any consolation, you are not alone. There are plenty of broken hearted fools out here. But mend yourself and go on.
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