A
female
age
41-50,
*rummyscreenname
writes:I don't understand why, but I always drive people away. Especially with romantic relationships that are going well, I will always sabotage the relationship, but I do it with other people too. My friends and family... I don't make the time for them, I let them down, I avoid them, when I do get to see them I always cut the visit short, and then I miss them when they aren't there. Then I'm lonely, so I try to make plans with people, and then it all just starts over again. I even avoid talking to people a lot of the time, even though I like them. I don't know why. I've ruined so many relationships this way, and I think, "well whatever I didn't want to be friends with them anyways I'm better off"... and then I'm lonely and I miss them. So I'll read a book or watch a movie to try not to be lonely anymore, and then a real human comes around, and I am so absorbed in the movie that I just don't want them to bug me... so they go away again and I'm lonely again... sometimes people make me so nervous that I pretend that I don't see them! This is people I like, that I avoid! What the hell is wrong with me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 You've identified the problem, start building new habits. Make time for people, and follow through. Resist any impulses to blow them off.
You know exactly what to do here, it's just a matter of doing it. Stop worrying about why you do it - all that navel-gazing is just an excuse not to act.
Long term, it may help to get some help for social anxiety, but in the short term you're better off focusing on fixing the problem rather. You can do it if you try, and don't get discouraged if you screw it up the first few times. It happens.
A
male
reader, cian +, writes (23 September 2011):
 Visit your doctor/counselor. This is something you need to discuss with a professional.
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