A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do guys usually like the flirty and promiscuous type of girls?I need some advice because I hate to say I'm a little jealous of this girl I know who gets so much attention from my guy friends and just a lot of guys in general. She sleeps around with them and is always flirting with all of them and gives out so much sexual attention to guys and obviously guys love that. She seems to just be perfect honestly. She's a really attractive girl and almost every guy I know likes her and wants her, or is already involved with her.I just don't get any attention from guys. I never sleep around or flirt or talk sexual and give any sexual attention to guys, is this why guys don't like me? Do most guys like and go for the type of girls who are really flirty and sleep around?
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (20 September 2015):
We continue to delude ourselves that (some) women - the flirty ones that you mention - find us so irresistable that they can't wait for us to take them home and have $ex with them.... no obligation - no questions asked....
It's a fantasy, of course,.... but we're not going to give up on it......
Good luck..
A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (20 September 2015):
Hi - I have been in the same position as you. I am quite shy & won't sleep with a man until I know it's gonna be serious & have been dating a while. I lost out to a man who wanted to date me - I wanted things to go slowly - but I had a female friend he was also interested in & she wanted to go a lot faster & so she did - with him!! It happens quite often I'd say!
However, I wouldn't change who you are. The flirty promiscuous ones will get to be known as flirty promiscuous types soon enough - but as they mature - the men may soon start to avoid them & go for the more quiet, mysterious types who are harder to crack!
After all - what man would prefer to date someone whose been round the block a few times & probably caught a few diseases along the way - when he can have someone shiny & new who won't have much baggage to weigh him down.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2015):
 Be who you are. It's that simple.
Some girls have found that being the flirty party girl gets them attention, but that it CAN come at a price. The price is a reputation they may not even deserve (like being called promiscuous).
If you were honest with yourself would you WANT the kind of attention she gets? My guess is no. SHE might not even want it to the extend she is getting it. She might want to only banter and flirt, but not be seems as an "easy" conquest. She might even be deluding herself a bit here and actually think that the "boys" like her for who she is... Which... isn't really the truth. They "like" her because she is offering something (sex) for nothing (they don't really have to date her, treat her nice, respect her or anything).
Like WiseOwlE so wisely pointed out... this isn't about YOU versus HER. Painting her with and "ugly" brush (calling her promiscuous) doesn't make you look better. She is who she is, you are you. It's not a competition.
My advice would be, if you are interested in getting to know someone (like a guy) TALK to him. You don't have to flirt to get his attention. If you share interest in common it gets even easier.
At some point the "dust" will settle, she will realize that the affection she IS getting is not what she really wants. And hopefully you will realize that you have JUST as much "worth" as she, or any other woman.
Attention doesn't equal affection. It doesn't mean that people like her "better" or that she is more likable than you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 September 2015):
 The short answer is: No but the guys enjoy the attention so they are drawn to them initially. It's shallow though and most guys will soon be off by themselves later.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): They are not interested in her, they are interested in the easy opportunity to get sex from her. Maybe, and I do say maybe; she is building a reputation among the boys as easy sex. So the attention is not respectful attention; but just a bunch of guys seeking the opportunity.
You really only know what you've heard. Do you have any solid evidence she is sleeping with all these boys?
If what you say is true; she will learn in time that boys rarely, or don't, respect girls who offer sex too quickly. They like them for it, but they don't respect them for it. They will talk about her, they will even take it; and then insult her afterwards.
Being young and vivacious, she has discovered the advantages of beauty; but she is misusing it. She is now vein and conceited, and abusing her own flesh to get attention. Being young and sexually adventurous, she has yet to learn the responsibility of being sexually-active. She will want to fall in love, but it will be difficult for her to determine if the guy wants her, or just her body.
So, if what you say about her is true; then she's starting off on the wrong foot with guys. They will play her, take what she gives, and throw it back in her face. So there is nothing to envy about that.
Envying her looks and popularity is your personal issue to contend with. Lacking self-confidence and having low self-esteem is your own personal project to master and conduct on your own time. Projecting your frustrations onto her for what you can't see in yourself requires attention directed back at yourself. You've got work to do. We work with what we are given by nature. Genes gave you your looks and programmed every biological event that will ever happen in your life. Foolish people spend a lot of time hating themselves and life. Keeping therapists busy and wealthy.
Sometimes we just have to be grateful to be alive and healthy! You're very young to boot!!! Life has just started for you!
She isn't taking anything from you, so hating on her makes no sense. Envy is a form of hatred. Disliking someone for having what you don't. That's a weakness in character, and also faulting your own parents for the genes they gave you.
Being popular isn't for everyone. Some folks have charismatic personalities. I often read posts where young ladies like yourself, accuse pretty girls of promiscuity; because they get a lot of attention from boys. They exaggerate her behavior to paint a nasty picture of who she is. Most of the time it is a flat out lie, and a way to get empathy. I hope that's not what you're doing. Boys also start rumors that aren't true; if they've been rejected, or if they did happen to get sex. They will tell just to enhance their social status among other weak-minded adolescent jerks.
Regardless of why she is popular with boys, she is a person. Has feelings just like you do. Not liking her for who nature designed her to be, is your problem; and it would do you best to work to outgrow it. Too many women and girls write this site hating against their sisters; because all people "are not" truly created equal when it comes to appearance and personality. Well, you are who you are. Life is too short to spend it hating others and yourself; because everyone isn't rich and beautiful. We are beautiful and unique in infinite ways. Only some are too stupid to grasp that concept.
We are different, have a different effect on other people, but to each and every person born; there is someone especially designed for you and me. Sometimes there are several people specifically designed and designated to touch your life and help form your destiny.
You may not draw a lot of attention, but you will attract love; because you deserve it as much as anyone else. You will see love and receive many blessings she may never see. You don't have to worry about what happens for her; because you have your own life to deal with. You may someday become a superstar, or very important person with the gifts to change the world. So direct your energies on improving who you are, and not being jealous or resentful for who other people are.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 September 2015):
 That girl is effortless sex so, naturally, guys will give her the attention because they are assured that, with a simple smile or another meaningless gesture, they will get some.
How many of those men will want her as an exclusive GF? Zero!
How many of those men would consider marrying her? Zero
Value of a woman in a relationship can be measured by the amount of effort the guy has to put in to get that girl. In her case, the amount of effort is zero hence her value.
So what's there to be jealous about her on your part?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2015): Hi! I'm a guy in a similar age group to you and i think i can offer a guys perspective on this.If a girl approached me and was flirting with me, i would feel happy and i'd probably really like it as i'm very shy so if there is a girl i like and she isn't flirty with me then i'd be too worried about rejection to approach her. the flirty girls seem easier to approach, i think that is the only major difference.I would still like the girls who were not like that, i would simply feel much more shy around them and not be able to express myself.I don't think you should change and be flirty/sleep around, as sleeping around is really not attractive and it works to get lots of boys interested in the short term but in the long term i think that will leave that person quite lonely. Do you feel approachable? maybe just try to smile a lot, be friendly and make people feel at ease and i think they will feel more confident in approaching you :)
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