A
female
age
36-40,
*eccamega
writes:You always read about women having problems with this. Yet never any guys. Why is this? Is it because it's more taboo if a women does?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): Sexual (physical act) and Sensual (mental/emotional aspect) go hand in hand. Women TEND to be more sensual by nature vs men tend to be more sexual oriented.
Doesn't mean women can not be sexual. Just we lean more that way on the spectrum of the whole sex/lovemaking/intimacy.
What were your parents teaching you? ;)
A
female
reader, meccamega +, writes (1 December 2011):
meccamega is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Great question.. our biology, and societal pressures means that for many women it is just harder to relax and let go.. just like the aunts have explained.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 well then how come so many of us can have them through masturbation but not intercourse or other forms of sex?
wouldn't having ANY orgasm and especially one through the "taboo" method of masturbation be even more forbidden?
I don't think it's about being Taboo... it's just the way of the world... women do not need to orgasm to conceive. MEN do.
it's easier for your parts to be stimulated than ours.... fact of anatomy...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I'm not convinced your premise is a valid one. I've not heard of the "problem" before now. I do know that women are much less sexual than men but not sure if that translates to the orgasm.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I don't know what world person12345 lives in but I am not from there. I was always discouraged from touching myself as a child, I was never taught that women's genitals are disgusting, etc.
Around 60-70% of all advertising gets targeted at women because women literally spend that much of the money these days. So I find it a little hard to believe that the female body is still being sexualized just because women are the victims of oppression. Maybe that was the case 50 years ago but not now. These days women are sexualized because both genders still respond to it very strongly. This is mainly because of the natural differences between men and women.
Advertisers and the media are just doing whatever works. If sexualizing women didn't work to sell products (to the WHOLE market, not just the 30-40% that is male) then they would not do it. If sexualizing men the same way worked anywhere near as well, they would do that too.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 There are many reasons. One our orgasm is not required for reproduction so ease of orgasm was never a factor in evolution. Though it seems that the female orgasm does serve a function (there is evidence is "resets" some of our hormones and mood chemicals) it is not one that is necessary for survival.
Another reason is that little girls are taught that touching themselves is dirty and wrong while little boys are actively encouraged to. How many little boys do you know who run around with their hands stuck down their pants? Many women NEVER have physical contact with their genitals. You use toilet paper when you wipe, an applicator for tampons (at least most women do), and a washcloth to clean (again most not all). Whereas from the start, boys have to touch their genitals many times a day to use the bathroom, to put on pants, etc... So for men there is no discomfort with just the physical aspect of touching themselves but for girls, many find it disgusting to even think of touching their own bodies.
Not to mention how widespread this idea is that women's genitals are disgusting, everything from buying douches to cosmetic genital surgery, and think of how many women are too humiliated by their genitals to even receive oral sex? I mean how many women do you know who would feel squeemish looking at themselves with a mirror? So because of this a lot of women don't start touching themselves until they're much older, and when they do, they have this giant obstacle to overcome.
Then you have the purely physical issue of size, we all have relatively big hands compared to this tiny overly sensitive pea-sized clitoris, compared to hands that fit fairly well around something that is penis-sized. So just through sheer mechanics, a penis is easier to stimulate.
Then you have this whole idea of shame/guilt, where a lot of women are taught that their sexuality is wrong and shameful (slut shaming) but male sexuality is catered to EVERYWHERE. Scantily clad attractive women are used to sell everything, from cleaning products, to deodorant, from women's products, to men's products. And porn is absolutely everywhere now, almost all of it catering to men. Men are basically surrounded by sexual stimuli all the time in modern culture so it's much easier to shift to a sexual mindset. Whereas for women, we're taught (increasingly so as more adolescents are brought up on porn) that the only correct form of female sexuality is basically to serve men.
So evolution, mechanics, patriarchy. Many reasons.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): First and foremost the guy must deliver his load into woman in order to procreate. If that didn't happen there would not be 7 billion of us on the planet right now. As for the rest one has to learn about the subtle differences between the sexes to understand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): My apologies, book title:
THE MULTI-ORGASMIC COUPLE: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know
By Mantak Chia, Douglas Abrams, Maneew Chia, Rachel Carlton Abrams
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): If you want to learn in depth how orgasms work, I suggest you buy a book and read it. Very insightful and helpful. Mind you if you don't want to be a multi orgasmic woman, then don't read it at all. ;)It explains about the body and energy flow and how arousal all works. That womens arousal or fire/energy is more upper body centred, while mens are more groinal. Meaning it doesn't take much to get a man turned on but it takes effort for a woman to heat up.Which is why foreplay is important. Also, the mind of a woman comes into play. If you are apprehensive about orgasming, especially if you suffered a form of sexual abuse, you will feel it is wrong or dirty or evil to enjoy sex. So counselling to deal with those issues or 'taboos' would most certainly help.I'm a survivor of incest/sexual abuse and I will admit it took a long time to feel I was healthy, normal and that sex was more than sex and I was more than a body to be used by others.That it was safe to be loved and cherished by a loving man and that it was okay to enjoy sex; one should enjoy sex with someone they love.So really, the mind is a big factor. Feeling safe to be vunerable and trusting a man that you love plays a HUGE part of orgasming.That could be of women who haven't had sexual abuse occur as well. Just how we tend to be.My ograsms improved with age along with my self security, self love, self worth, and self knowledge. I can relax more and enjoy the moment and not let outside distractions deter me from my moments of heated passion with the Man I adore and love.Hope this was of help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): I have to disagree with chigirl on this. It is very much to do with taboos. It does happen with us guys too and the only thing worse is not being able to maintain or get an erection.
It has happened to me a few times, when I was drunk or when I had masturbated a few times that day not expecting to have sex that night. It's a truly horrible experience, because more than one of those times the girl thought it was because she was unattractive, even worse is that more than once the sex went on so long that my penis became numb and I lost the erection.
It's not something we're that open to discussing, unlike women it is very easy for us to ejaculate under normal circumstances. So for it to not happen can be quite a big blow to our egos, whereas most women accept that they may not climax every single time they have sex, we pretty much do so when it doesn't happen we can feel useless.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): The female orgasm does help encourage conception, which is why it is more "choosy" about when it happens. But men have nothing to lose from shooting every time they have sex so that's what they generally can do.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (30 November 2011):
 I have been single for the first time in a few years as of July this year and in that space of time I have dated 2 guys who both cant orgasm - so it definitely does happen to men as well!
I think for women it is harder for us to orgasm sometimes because we have two pleasure points so to speak, the clitoris and then the vagina. Achieving orgasm through penetrative sex is typically the hardest for girls because some women simply lack sensation there, for some women it simply isnt possible.
But I think that women are far more open when talking about this - it is common for women to struggle to orgasm, whereas if a man ever spoke about it they would be ridiculed by other men. So if we are talking about taboos, then I think it is more of a taboo that men cant orgasm.
My personal experience has shown that there are men out there who really struggle to orgasm - one of the guys was aged 28 and had never had an orgasm from a girl in his life! He could only achieve orgasm after about an hour of masturbating.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 November 2011):
 It's a matter of fact thing. Nothing to do with taboos. It is difficult for most women to orgasm because our bodies are built different, and stimulating our clitoris isn't as easy as stimulating a penis. It's just because of the way we are built really. If women had penises we wouldn't be having such a hard time getting there either.
Besides, strictly evolutionary speaking, the female orgasm serves no purpose. The male orgasm serves to release sperm and impregnate a woman so the species can live on. So maybe that explains why the penis, from natures side, is easier to stimulate than the clitoris.
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