A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do guys boast about there so called girfriends to other people? I know what you say he's proud of her, just others girls don't want to listen to them because it's hurtful. This girl could like him and he goes boasting about he might in 4 months down the road, not saying he will just saying, boasting isn't very nice and nobody wants listen to someone about there great lives. I hate listening guys go on about so called girlfreinds becasue the guy who usually boasts is always the guy I like a lot.Another questionWhen a young guy gets a promtion does he become more arrogant and snobby toward others by barely saying hello to someone and is just a bit offish and may be ignore you and won't salute? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 Yes, people have hassles and sorrows and worries. The choice is whether they dominate your life or not.
I guess that you are pushing people away, like me. I'm sorry for that. I hope you find your path to happiness. Just follow the signs that we've posted.
And remember that definition that I gave you. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different a different result....
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): thansk for all you help.i see i am not one who has hassels.thanks for telling me.i really apperated.
bye
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 January 2009):
Willow, I see that you are embarassed. I wonder if we all told you about all our rejections, if that would truly make you feel better. Because I doubt that even if we listed all the things that we had done wrong or had happen to us all our lives, you still would say that time has passed you by.
Let's see, I had to go to university one more year because I didn't get enough credits. I didn't get into my first choice anniversary. I went to three high schools and three elementary schools, a total of six schools from kindergarten through high school. I moved away from friends each time. I've been dumped by several boyfriends, and some other boys I liked didn't like me back. My best friend from college died suddenly 2 years ago. My sister has breast cancer. My mother and father both had cancer, so did both grandmothers and my aunt. The chances that I'll get it look pretty good right now. Not much fun to think about that. My uncle has Alzheimers. The husband of a friend of mine committed suicide 2 years ago. There have been 2 boys in my neighborhood who died in separate car accidents in the last year. There have been at least four divorces due to cheating of people I know just in my immediate area. I gained a lot of weight because I had depression; my health suffered and I was a mess. One of my best friends has muscular dystrophy; she wasn't expected to live past her 20s, she's now in her 40s and getting more and more crooked everyday. She doesn't have a boyfriend, never has, but that has not changed her determined and cheerful disposition.
Now, what has that list done to make you feel better? Other people suffer, have bad times and depression and illness and have losses. I think I said a few posts back that "life is difficult".
So you feel frustration at your situation and you have been angry at this guy for two years. If you had ignored him two years ago, and paid no more attention to him after he let you know he wasn't interested, you'd have those two years to do things that give you joy. But you don't know what gives you joy.
Complaining about how awful life is, is almost 100% guaranteed to keep people away from you.
You know that, don't you?
Maybe you don't.
I will tell you: complaining about how awful things are with you will almost certainly keep people away from you.
You say you want to get people close to you so you can make friends, and find a boyfriend.
So it is really very simple, you just have to decide what you like more, complaining about how awful life is, or finding the good things in your life and making friends. Taking an interest in other people's lives is one way to start. Asking how their day was isn't a bad place to start. Finding out what they like to do is a good way to connect with people.
I personally think that you have depression, and need to see a doctor for it. There are very effective medications that if taken properly and with supervision may help many people. Counseling can help too.
When you realize that it is YOU that holds the key to your future happiness, that's when you'll be on the road to a boyfriend and new friends. But until you do take responsibility for your own life from now on (the past is the past and is gone and thinking about it now gets you nowhere), you're stuck.
I'm sad that you chose not to start a conversation with me. You never told me if you were okay with the name Willow. That's a rejection, you know. It's like you're turning your back on me.
You're pushing people away first, aren't you? Reject them before they reject you? That may be it. You make sure that no one can get close to you so that they cannot hurt you. But you hurt and sting from being and feeling so alone.
So why not practice a conversation?
A simple little thing, that could bring you the thing you say you want most. But you won't/can't do it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): My friend has problems, some very big problems. She's had incurable leukaemia (cancer of the bones) since she was 12 and now she is 25. They expected her to die, we keep expecting her to die but she doesn't. All her hair fell out, her bones have crumbled to dust. She's 25years old, she has had both her hips replaced, she wore a wig for years, all her teeth fell out, and because she is delicate, it is hard for them to make her a new set... 25years old and she's crumbling away....But she didn't lie down. You have more education than she has, she couldn't go to school because she was spent most of her time in hospital. She has no qualifications. But she got a job, because she's so fun to be with, so full of life and joy. She has no teeth, her hair is thin, her hips are false and they click when she walks. But she has guys all over her, again, they don't notice the hips, the teeth or the hair, they love being with her because she is fun and brave.She doesn't know the meaning of the words, "no or can't". They said she would never be able to have a baby. Well she's got one now. Unfortunately the day she found out her mother was killed in a motorbike accident. She has so much fun in life, she flirts and smile all the time. Not everybody has a perfect life, but when you can smile, fight and make the best of what you have, then you can work miracles, and find lasting happiness... Yes your life is hard, hers is worse, but I don't think anyone would notice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): please no more question i am getting emabrrrased now ,i feel stupid please no more questions.thanks
i had rough so has other people. people don,t tell me they had problems i rather if they told me they had problems so i won,t feel like most stupid idiot in the world.becasue fatal flaw.i feel every body perfect and no body gets wrong no body gets rejected and every body gets A in there exams.no body has to repeated,
i just feel every is body is perfect is all some people are like they guy i like he never gets rejected he has perfect exams scores,he my age and away of me in the sport i do even though i started thats years before he did,
life is just not fair
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): All I ever wanted is to be like everybody else... normal, not sad, left out and behind, I wanted my 1st boyfreind at 18 years old that never came. I am 30 years and I am still waiting. I went to college thinking life would improve, it got worse not better, I fail all around me and no lectures no simplati for knowing full well of my learning difficulty they didn't care, any guy I like told me he didn't like me = rejection over and over again. The last guy who rejected coldy got a new girlfriend and promoting the sport, I got nothing but crying my eyes out, I avoid the sport for 2 years old and I got behind even more he didn't care one bit about me. Still living at home and going to counselors all the time doesn't help, I feel old and stupid, I feel stupid I never got a boyfriend is sad and pathetic almost retarded. Then I am shy, quiet, clingy and lonely. Now I am bound to be an old maid like they said I would be, they were right too.I dream about famous guys who I'd love to be my boyfriend because a real one is out of my reach. Guys my age want 25 years old not some in their old 30's like me saddo.I wish I was perfect with everything right in life but I do everything wrong, so very wrong,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Irish, we care, like Tisha, I'm so interested in the answers to the questions that have been set. You want help, you want change, you want to be happy. Firstly, lets try small steps, a conversation, between us all here on dear cupid who have become interested in you. I think it's your turn to respond.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2009): Hi Willow (Irish), thanks a lot babes for being very honest with Tish. I think we can now see some of the problems your up against. As I said, people are trying to help, that means that some of us must be interested in you and your life, and want you to get happiness.I have two questions, you keep on saying that "it's not fair", what would fairness look like to you?" What would it look like if you were "fairly" treated, like you deserve?Secondly, you've never been kissed or had a boyfriend, you've never, ever been happy. What would happiness look like to you, what would it be like if you had a boyfriend? What is the thing that you dream of the most?You'd still have no job, no money, you would still have a sad childhood, you would still be you. What would do you think a boyfriend would help you to change?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2009):
And how is that decision coming along? Would you like to talk about it? Please try to speak to me directly as you can. Say, "Tisha, I am deciding what to do because I am not sure of ....." or something along those lines.
And Willow, you're not drinking while you're writing to me, are you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): i am still decing on what to do?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 January 2009):
Willow, big problems are solved by taking small steps. And the small steps must be taken...
Are you able to carry on a conversation?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Tisha, you have the patience of Job.
To the poster... I have read all, and I do mean ALL of the posts you have made on Dear Cupid... all of which you complain of being of victim of life and a loser and bitching about this guy whose only crime is that he just wasn't that into you. By the way, this doesn't make him a bad person. He's just not attracted. It happens to the best of us. It sucks, but we get over it. We especially get over it when it happened 2 damn years ago.
I agree with your counselor. The state of your life IS your fault. Just like with any of us. Yes, there are bad things that happen to us. But we deal with them, not dwell on them. Our lives are comprised of the choices we make and our lives are exactly what we make them to be.
Honestly, you're so full of victimhood and misery that its almost become offensive. I know someone with Multiple Sclerosis. She is in constant chronic pain. There may come a time when she will have to be in a wheelchair. Yet, she lives a better life than I do in a nice house with a great job, friends and boyfriends. I have a best friend who currently has breast cancer. She will be losing a breast this month. And I talk to her and she is upbeat. These are things that happened to them and they don't cry every day asking God why. Sure, it may get them both a little down from time to time, but then they get back to the business of living.
And here you are, a physically healthy YOUNG woman of 30 and you're crying because you don't have a BOYFRIEND?
Before you can even think of giving a shit about some guy, you need to get your life together. You need to get a job and move out of your parents' house first. Get some tutoring lessons to learn how to deal with dxylexia so you can be employable. You need to get your head together. Frankly, before all of that, you need to get to a doctor (not a counselor) because to me you sound clinically depressed and who knows, maybe some medication can get you feeling a new lease on life.
sigh I'm not sure how much of what I've written will ever get through to you. I hope it does, but you seem to be hell bent on playing the perpetual victim. Something, by the way, which is NOT attractive to anyone. That said, maybe if what I said doesn't get through to you, someone else may read this and will help them.
But I say this to you again... if you want to stop being a loser, then YOU have to make that change. Look at the good things in your life (you're healthy, your parents clearly love you enough to put a roof over your head and food in your stomach, you're not terminally ill, you're not in physical pain, all day every day) and the control of your life is very much in your hands.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 January 2009):
You've mentioned those things before. Can you read my answers okay? Do I need to write shorter sentences?
You see no light in your life because you are only looking back. Look at me and talk to me today. That is living in the present.
I get the feeling that you do not know how to carry on a conversation. Let's try one.
Hi Willow, it's Tisha. How is your weather there today?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Tisha-1
its too late to make lost time when every body mg age is above me and i am always below them.i feel like i,ll be grveling to them because there my age and better then me .
none what happened wasn,t my fault ,life is unfair it s too late to do any thing now about it.no body is gong to take exception to me i mean no body,i live in a very deprssing part of town wht nothing to do and no where to go,
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2009): Tisha-1 some how i will never get my 1st kiss ,nor a boyfreind ,i am loser in comparon to other people who have it all.they take it for granted but i won,t ,people take kissing for granted i can,t i have experecd it what it feels like i doubt i ever will.to have a guy talk about to his freinds .thats doesn,t happen either.people my age have it all and take it for granted i can,t,i,ll be glad to take what i can get, i am tired of pulling my self out gutter and end up falling right back in again. its hopeless i see no light,i am acing life umemployed old maid.still life like a 10 yaer old.with 11 yaers of rejection to add to it as well. and people complain baout having a boyfreind i,d love to have one i really would,but who going to want the likes at this stage of life. may be guy in his 50s may be but that about all.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 January 2009):
Willow, I would guess that shop work would be very difficult for someone with dyslexia. Did you ever look up famous dyslexics? It's very interesting.
http://www.dyslexia.tv/snapshots/index.htm
Do you have anything to say about the nod?
And is Willow a good name for you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Tisha-1
some how i will never get my 1st kiss ,nor a boyfreind ,i am loser in comparon to other people who have it all.they take it for granted but i won,t ,people take kissing for granted i can,t i have experecd it what it feels like i doubt i ever will.to have a guy talk about to his freinds .thats doesn,t happen either.people my age have it all and take it for granted i can,t,i,ll be glad to take what i can get, i am tired of pulling my self out gutter and end up falling right back in again. its hopeless i see no light,i am acing life umemployed old maid.still life like a 10 yaer old.with 11 yaers of rejection to add to it as well. and people complain baout having a boyfreind i,d love to have one i really would,but who going to want the likes at this stage of life. may be guy in his 50s may be but that about all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): trisha 1What kind of job did you have when you were working? None, I couldn't have a job of any descption, even shop work.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 January 2009):
Can I make up a nickname for you? Would you mind if I called you, oh I don't know, how about Willow?
I know from all your posts and this one too that the past has been basically crap for you. You are unhappy with where you are in life, you're stuck in a town you hate, with no job and no friends, and what seems to be most important to you, no boyfriend. It totally sucks.
The counselor has told you that you have created this situation, but you don't think you did, life did it to you. Just as life gave other people chances, life has tried to squash you.
You don't feel like anyone could ever want you, this woman Willow that life has passed by, that you are destined to go through life alone and unhappy.
I have a couple of things I want you to listen to, and I want you to really think about them for a bit, then post back to me what you have come up with. Okay?
You never did answer my question about that part of you that wants to change. That's the part I want to talk to, do you see why?
The part of you that can only see unhappy things and blames the world for not treating you well won't be able to understand what I'm going to try to say to you.
Pardon me for some colorful language, in advance.
Life sucks. You're born from pain, growing causes pain, teeth coming in cause pain, having a period may cause pain, childbirth is painful(though I wouldnt know, not having any), war and disease and famine and want cause pain and suffering. Generally there is pain all around us. Just go sit in a hospital for a while and you'll get my point. It is inevitable, it is a part of life, it cannot be avoided.
So why is that there are people around us who have found happiness and seem to want for nothing and they waltz around us and just by being happy and beautiful and lucky, they cause you pain? It's because you have never adjusted your vision, your perspective. I'll get to why I think that is later on.
I've heard about remote tribes of people who live in the forest, and are so remote and removed from the rest of the world that they are living essentially like humans did in the stone age. When they had to be relocated from the forest, and for the very first time when they had the opportunity to see a long distance, they couldn't grasp what they were seeing. They had only ever been able to see about 30 yards away from them, so they had no experience with seeing people or things that are a mile away. They thought, when they first saw people several hundred yards away, that they were seeing miniature people. They could not be convinced that these were normal humans, normal size, just far off in the distance. They had never had the concept of "far off" put into their heads.
I think that somewhere along the way, you have never had the concept that you can be happy put into your mind. You cannot see past that 30 yards of your experience. You cannot understand.
People have probably told you to 'snap out of it', get out of the house, go volunteer, go DO something, ANYthing. What I think I understand, just a litle bit, is that you literally cannot. You have some idea that you WANT to, but you are STUCK. You cannot get out of that forest because you have no idea how to, and nothing that you've been told has helped. And even if you did manage to step foot outside the forest, you would be totally confused by the vast space and distance and by the possibilities that are out there.
You have a learning diability, dyslexia, which has caused you to feel isolated and looked down on. Your mother was an alcoholic. Your life has indeed be crappy. No lie, you have every right to complain about how crappy it is, and how awful you feel about it.
I hope, Willow, that you are sitting in front of your computer monitor, nodding your head just a little bit. That your heart is beating just little faster because your story is being told and that I am listening and that other people are listening too. Maybe some of these other people will join in with us and give their thoughts about what I've been saying. Who knows? It would be nice.
But what is important to me, Willow, is that YOU are listening to me. Really listening, not just reading my words. Can you nod your head for me? Then tell me that you did? That you HEAR me?
I have more that I want to say to you, but I want to hear you say something about what I've just said. Tell me if you nodded your head. Tell me if I have picked a good name for you, Willow. Then I'll write some more.
One more quick question to answer. What kind of job did you have when you were working?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): trisha 1
no guy wants me now at my age i missed alot opportunitys but a lot of that i couldn,t help,no guy ever wanted to kiss diffently not some one as old as me.they want vabrnat girl in mid 20s.when i was mid 20s no body wanted me there either and still no body wants me.all i ever get is sets back.i feel so old so very old,i feel now i should be married and have good job. not looking for my 1st boyfreind and my 1st ever kiss sound very pathetic and shameful and sad.i tell people had boyfreinds when i haad none at all.not to feel stupiid in front of them.
i am so sad and pathetic and no cure for time gone by.
its up sets why it turned like for me.all the bad luck i had over almost 20 yaer period you think my luck would have changed but it didn,t its just get worse.and see a guy i like with another yet agin makes me sour an dangry becsue its not fair.why don,t i deserve love and some romance but i nave get it,i hate valtines day becasue i get nothing i have never got any thing in my wols life not even a cheap card.not a thing other get cards and roses and dinners out i get stuck at home in of television.
my town is pit hole and i hate the place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Tisha-1
the consellor siad i made thses problems for my self i didn,t,
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 January 2009):
There's a book by M. Scott Peck (The Road Less Traveled). The very first sentence of the first chapter is this.
"Life is difficult."
He then goes on to say, "This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it."
So life is a series of problems. Do we moan about them or solve them?
You have obviously had your share of problems and challenges and difficulties. More than lots of people I would say. The hard truth and lesson I've learned is that life is unfair. It just is. It's not fair that it's unfair, but that is the reality of life. Some people get more than the average share of advantages, some people get less. You have had less, by what you've described.
You mentioned a counselor. Are you still seeing this counselor?
P.S. I think you're very brave for answering my questions, so thank you for being honest and trying to talk to me about things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Tisha-1 may be i don,t deserve to be happy and other people do like that guy i mentionsed,its not fair,its not fair at all,well i hope the girl dumps him i don,t see why he should be happy and why he doesn,t like me its not fair at all,i,d care more about him then she will,just becasue i am not young not slim.not good looking,not tall, not big chested i am just left.all he talks about her what she has i don,t ,its not fair,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Tisha-1oh yaeh i got laned in psycharc ward in 2004 bu student nurse who though valine ws used blister s 1st yaer student of nurcing,and i try to commited sucide one stage becasue i hate rotten fucker of an extence its nothing but hell for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): Tisha-1
a counsellor said i made rough for my self and i didn,t life just impossible.every body i see my own age have it all.
looks
job
car,
not living at home
freinds
social life,
boyfreind i never even got one.
decent exams
i have nothing like that,look at the age me now and still have nothing,
where i was living there was no body to play with,even at school i was left sitting at the corner of the yard by my self,from babies to sith class and i had the problem in secondary school and collage too i never fited in there either ,still on my own i try to fit in but i don,t .
now i am have no job,still no life,no boyfreind which i really want.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): tisha 1
Let's see, you would have been 17 when she was born. Did you have to take care of her a lot?yeah a bit baby sitting making bottles.clening the bottles .i am the middle child.my brother 34 yaers and me in the middle,my sister is 13 yaers old.my mother was alothlic when i was 13 yaers old till i was 22 yaers old,
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
What I am seeing is a woman who has been unhappy a very long time. Things that happen to her and in the world do not bring her joy. The learning disability made school difficult for you, and most people do not have the patience to deal with it. Your first memories of frustration and anger are telling me that you have been having those feelings all your life. Somehow, you have not been able to get people to see you as a desirable person, someone they want to be with. You live with other people, but in a kind of isolation, because they have to live with you, they are your family. You have a much younger sister, so there has been a lot of change in the household. Let's see, you would have been 17 when she was born. Did you have to take care of her a lot?
You have a very determined and stubborn streak in you. You were not afraid to try to escape from the school, you have taken martial arts, which is a form of controlling and disciplining physical power. You might scare people a little bit, and not even realize it.
I know you have perserverance because you keep coming back here and asking that same question, again and again, even when people shout at you and throw their hands up in the air. Do you realize that you make people frustrated and angry too? I think that you are so familiar with those emotions they don't bother you so much any more.
But there is a little voice deep down inside which is telling you 'no! this is not enough! there is more to life and i want to have it too!'
It is that little voice I want to talk to. Could you have it answer my last question? You avoided it in your last answer.
What is it that is going through your mind when you sign into DearCupid and ask your question? What is the intention?
This is not a right or wrong kind of question, there is no right and wrong. There is only what is real for you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): So what does my profile say about me?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
Because, my dear, you are the key to your own question. I just wanted to get an idea of how life was for you and if there was anything else in your persona that people would notice.
Do not think I am trying to drive you away, because I am not, but I want to ask something else.
What is it that is going through your mind when you sign into DearCupid and ask your question?
Do you hope that someone will have an answer that you can use that day?
It is a deliberate act, to type in the address or click the bookmark that leads you here. So you have an intention, a goal, a thought, a hope, a fear, a challenge, something that leads you here. I want to know what your intention inside your mind is when you do that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1Why so many questions I am just woundering about me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1No I was locked in to classroom, it was day school there, closing the door to start the class and small lunch I was let out to change my shoes. My hearing is fine and my balance in fine and speech is ok. It isn't great my sight is bad.Well organised not really and no, I can't really remember things like formulas or siquence deflections
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
I wasn't sure if being locked inside the classroom and tying the shoe with a strap and a buckle were at the same time, that's all. I can get things wrong sometimes, you know.
So your first two emotions that you remember feeling are frustration and anger, is that right?
I hear a lot of frustration and anger in your posts. I think there is a lot inside you that is swamping you.
Do you have problems with your speech or balance or hearing accurately? Are you well-organized at home and can you remember things well?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): tisha 1How did you feel, being trapped like that? Frustrated? And how did you feel with tying the shoes? Angry that I couldn't tie my shoes (Did I understand that last sentence correctly? Tell me if I got it wrong.) I don't understand the last sentence.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
How did you feel, being trapped like that? And how did you feel with tying the shoes? (Did I understand that last sentence correctly? Tell me if I got it wrong.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1 My first day at school when I tried to run out the class, teacher locked the door so I couldn't run away and try to tie shoes with a stap and buckle.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
What is your very first memory, the very first time you remember something. And what was the feeling?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1 am not sure, I can't remember, I was bullied a lot at school, didn't have whole growing up. There was time we had no money but I don't remember even as little girl. Tae Kwon do instructor treating to have me beating me up at the age 11 years old outside the training because I hit a boy with a belt while I was sparring I didn't too, I was only a child with no sense. I still remember because I was so afraid.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
When you were a little girl, did you feel happy?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1 do you remember a time in your life when you were very happy? no i was never happy .Do you remember when you last really liked yourself? i never liked my self i wouldn't know how.if you do not go to a job everyday, how do you spend your time? odd jobs around the house, job hunting, i have no friends either. never had boyfriend either i am sad aren't i. there is no gyms in town and no emplyment either.i end up repeating exams and got left behind people my age.becasue my learning diffculty i am really angry over it,i worked hard and got no where.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
Thank you so much for responding! That was very helpful.
Okay, so you live at home and unfortunately cannot find a job. And you have dyslexia, which makes reading and writing very difficult. That's why you had to repeat exams and schoolwork. Do you know that you aren't really slow? It's just that your dyslexia interferes with reading and writing quickly.
May I ask what you did for a job or school before you lost work?
And do you remember a time in your life when you were very happy? If yes, how old were you and what was it you were doing at the time?
Do you remember when you last really liked yourself? I mean, were happy with your life and yourself? If yes, when was that and do you remember the feeling?
One more question: if you do not go to a job everyday, how do you spend your time? (I do not have a job either, by the way, so I know a little about this situation. But I'm not looking for a job, which is perhaps different?)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Hi, are you a creative, artsy kind of person? Maybe you've been in jobs that suppress you talents/gifts? I think you're trying too hard to 'be' a certain way, and losing who you are. She's in there somewhere, and just needs a little love and care to blossom.
If I were you I would take a vow to avoid men for 3 months :) and figure out 'yourself'...do things you Really enjoy, look at other careers (list all the ones you would like doing) You might have to break away from other peoples opinions that try to influence your life..parents :) or friends that can bring you down. I hope that's not the case, but I'm here to tell you I support you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Tisha-1 girl here you goHow old are you?30 years oldDo you live alone or with other people?at home If you live with other people, who are they?my ma and da and 13 yaers old sisterDo you have a job?no i can,t get one i have treid for 4 yaers If you do, could you tell us?Are you game to give this a try?may be depend what it is What do you have to lose?not much i suppose i have lost my self estreem any way and my confidence,i am very slow at picking stuff up.i was born with dlyexia.i was last in class and always stayed and repeated exams.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
Okay, I think the original poster followed up? The note to me, about rejection 100% of the time.
Okay, tough advice from me is about to follow. I am not trying to be mean, I am trying to help you, please bear that in mind.
Einstein said once that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.
If you are experiencing rejection 100% of the time, then your entire approach has to be re-evaluated. You have to take a good long look at the way you're handling things.
If I'm not mistaken, you have posted here a lot, with the same issue. I have seen you respond by calling us know it alls or telling us that we don't understand or you flat out ignore the concrete advice we've given you. So we're going to do this in a different way today, okay?
Today, I am going to ask you questions, and I would like for you to answer them one by one. The only problem for me is that I have no way of verifying that the answer given is from you. But we have to try something else, because what you are doing is not helping you.
First questions:
How old are you?
Do you live alone or with other people? If you live with other people, who are they?
Do you have a job? If you do, could you tell us?
Are you game to give this a try? What do you have to lose? Years of unhappiness are not going to be fixed in this one session, but I'm trying to see if you really want to try or if you are completely socially paralyzed.
So?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2009):
 One thing is being REALLY proud of ones girlfriend - that is cool, but the bragging seems utterly immature. As far as the attitude after a promotion, well that I think is more about pride and again some immaturity.
The US military have strict rules for fraternization between lower and higher enlisted soldiers - between officers and enlisted soldiers. It's rarely enforced, unless it's way out of line. (as far as I have seen)
PS, maybe you are a little jealous when a guy you like boast of another woman? That is pretty normal. Though I mentioned the fraternization, I really suggest you don't date a fellow soldier you work with anyways. It's rarely a good thing in the long run.If you are in the military I hope you signed up because you want to serve, not jsut have a bigger dating pool. And it's bad for a female soldiers reputation.
Same with dating co-workers anywhere else. Pardon the crude expression, but don't shit where you eat..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): female UK age 26-29, anonymous writes:Tisha-1 but every single guy i like does it for the 11 years .its has alwyas being done to me.i am at stage i am going to end up old maid.some thing i can,t help,becasue guys keep rejection like 100% of time i never get sucessful may be i should i should trow in the towel.it just isn,t fair why this keeps happen me all the time.without fail.how do i break habit before i get too old.may be i was meant to be on my own at 30 yaers .i didn,t waste my time guys just don,t like me that way no matter how good i try to look and how nice i am .i am a NO and rejection.then he frind some one ahd he never gets rejection even though he sould he becasue he did it to me, so why he saped the same faith as me.thats just not fair.may be becasue i should became a nun when i had the chance in my teens.i,d miss nothing it feel nuns never having boyfreind not even one in all my miseable life ,it look like old maid here i come
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 January 2009):
Perhaps you might suggest to the fellow in question that you would like to talk about other things. I get the sense from the question that you really like him, but he does not like you back in the same way. In your shoes, I would probably steer clear of him for a bit, until I got over those feelings. Life is often this way, that the person you really like doesn't like you back. It's no one's fault, there's no point in being angry or bitter, it just is what it is.
"I like him, he doesn't like me back." This is very difficult advice to follow but here it is anyway: Do not take it personally. Do not allow this situation to stop you from moving on with your life. If it is causing you distress, as it sounds like it is, remove yourself from the situation until you can cope with the reality of it.
It's like telling the doctor that your head hurts when you pound it against the wall. The doctor is going to tell you to stop pounding your head against the wall. You are pounding your head against this guy. Stop doing it. Stop talking to him if it is so hurtful. You don't have to be mean or rude about it if you don't want to be, just politely excuse yourself when topics that distress you arise.
To answer your last question,there are a couple of possibilities. A young IMMATURE guy would do what you have described. r aA young man who doesn't want to talk to you would do what you have described.
Look, sometimes in life, people wind up being out of reach or unapproachable or simply not your friends. It is a waste of pyschic energy and probably bad for your mental health to spend too much time worrying about it. We all go through this at some point or another. A grown up attitude would be to shrug it off and live your life anyway.
Good luck! I'm sure there are other friends you can talk with, go sit with them!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): salute means how are you with the finger the first finger, NOTHING TO DO WITH MILLTARY SORRY
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male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (9 January 2009):
 It isn't just guys who boast about there other halfs :(, a lot of people do it sadly. I left my GF because she was messing me around with her ex, we agreed to remain friends, but every time I talk to her she tells me how great the relationship is going with him, knowing I still have feelings for her.
I'm sure she is doing it because I didn't fight for her, because I didn't want to be messed around, so I had to cut contact. People just like to make others feel bad :(
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