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Why do guys act interested, then ignore you?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 October 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 5 October 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I met this guy while I was at a club on Friday. It was his friend who was chatting to me more during the night and he was just more into the music (it wasn't like a trashy club we were all there to see a big DJ) so I had to make the effort to speak to him, but once I did he seemed interested and we got on quite well, and he seemed up for meeting up again so we swapped numbers. He then text me a really sweet message later that night saying it was nice to meet me and he was really up for meeting up, and asked for my name so he could add me on facebook. I text back and told him. But since then it's been 4 days and I've heard nothing from him! Whats going on? I'm not sure if it means he's suddenly changed his mind and not interested, or if hes just trying to play it cool... but this seems to happen to me a LOT (guys acting really keen when they meet me, but then ignoring me after or not making the effort to actually meet up). I would say I'm quite attractive (without being big headed!) so I dont think its that. So I guess my question is, why would a guy wait so long to respond when they apparently like you, especially when you've just met and he should be trying to impress.

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A female reader, Red591 United States +, writes (5 October 2011):

Red591 agony aunthe might have relationship ADD. he might have been completely into you then went out the next night and was completely into another girl. Its hard to establish anything in a club. He could have even had a girlfriend and was using u as an ego boost. Who knows. Forget him. I would rather have a guy with balls to persue me, I just need to learn the difference between persuing me to get to know me and persuing me to get in my pants. IT can be tricky lol

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (4 October 2011):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntCause boys like girls to chase. U see if a guy is flat out honest n straight forward with intent it takes away mystery so girls become uninterested. Whereas if hes sending u mixed signals like he is here girls stay curious. I admire the rascal. Drop him a message and if he doesnt respond chances are he is playing with ur head and no longer a game. A sign of immaturity.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011):

Guys are smart. They don't want to come off as being needy or too anxious. These are extremely unattractive qualities for relationships in both men and women. You wouldn't want a guy who was all over you, catering to your every need, etc...

And it doesn't hurt for you to be a little aggressive and show some interest. Guys like girls who are not afraid to take initiative. This doesn't come off as being clingy or anything like that if you do it once in a while.

If you're wondering about it enough to ask for advice, you might as well just send him that first text and see how it goes. If not, at least you will know how he feels and your mind can be at ease. Yeah, you may get hurt, but it wont kill you. It will also cure all that anxiety you are feeling, which i'm sure is not fun if its happening consistently.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (4 October 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntThere could be a number of reasons for his behaviour, maybe he is sitting at home asking himself the same question. Wondering why you haven't contacted him as well. You see it works both ways. So if you are interested then drop him a message.

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