A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex and i split up nearly 4 years ago, we have a 7 year old son together so we still have contact.My ex and i have both moved on and have our own lives and he has since been married but even though he has moved on he still likes to play me and it really affects me.For example, since he has been married, when ever he has a problem with his wife he would complain to me about her and he would turn to me instead of her on occasion and when he is at work and he is lonely and isolated he sometimes rings me at night and talks to me about personal things and the last time he did that he was being suggestive of things inappropriate and he was reminding me of things from our past and then he stopped himself and said that perhaps he should be saying such things to his wife and i promptly agreed.I asked him why he rings me and not his wife when he needs to talk to some one and he says because she just tells him to get over it.He often gets my attention by saying how down and lonely he is and because i am a caring person i find it hard to turn some one away in that state but he takes advantage of my kindness and i believe he just uses me for his own benefit yet i have no idea why.Why does he do it, he knows it upsets me, i tell him it's not fair, he hasn't done it recently because the last time he did i got quite upset but what is his deal, why does he play with my emotions and i do try not let him get to me but he always seems to know how, he even told me that he know's how to push my buttons and that is when i got upset at him, it makes me feel like he has no respect for me at all and i am still the mother of his child but i just hate the way he makes me feel.Sometimes i wish i could just erase him from my life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2011): I haven't been in the same situation, but i can relate in that no matter who else is in my life, whichever new girl I am dating, I still always think about my ex and the relationship I had with her. It is hard to completely remove someone from your mind after sharing such a pleasant life experience with them.
If your situation is anything like mine, your willingness to respond to him means he still holds a strong feeling in your heart and somewhere in your mind.
My advice would be to just keep your distance. No matter how tempting it may be. Make sure there is sufficient distance between you two so that neither of you can get too close.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 I understand how you feel. I guess he does know how it makes you feel and what buttons to press. But it sounds to me like he does genuinely feel comfortable talking to you as a friend. I think you mean more to him in life than he likes to show but just as a friend. When he goes over the friendship mark and steps over board am sure he is just pushing his luck to see how far you will let him go. I guess you just need to be strong and keep him in his place. If you don't want to be there for him when he has a problem well then don't take his phone calls and tell him the only contact that is to happen between the both of you will be in regards to your child.
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