A
female
age
30-35,
*hrissy121005
writes:why do girls go back to bad realationships, being it unhealthy or abusive?a friend asked me why im in a abusive realationship and i didnt no what to say. so please help me with what to say Reply to this Question
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female
reader, blossom  +, writes (23 August 2009):
It is a very complex question of why woman stay in an abusive relationship. The only way i can describe it is the woman who is being abused becomes like a heroin addict. She knows it's bad, she knows that it is killing her, but she is addicted to it. It's called traumatic bonding. There can be fear, violence, low self esteem and loads and loads of adrenalin and when you are away from the relationship then withdrawls kick in. There is also another reason...If she stays, then she will be abused....If she leaves then she could be killed. Fear is another reason why woman stay, as they know that this is the most dangerous for them and their very life is in danger when they try to leave. Loads of support, therapy, safety and time can eventually break the cycle.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): women go back to abusive relationships because the male makes them believe they cannot live without them, they mentally abuse women, physically abuse women, destroy their self esteem, so the only relationship they think they can have is with the abuser.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2009): Because we want to believe that things will change...THEY WON'T! If you are in an abusive relationship get out! It won't change! Please believe what I am telling you! I have been there (not that long ago) It didn't start out abusive. We were very much in love! He had problems that I thought I could help him with. The abuse started shortly after we were married. It was a gradual thing...breaking things, punching walls, breaking windshields...on and on and on...it escalated to choking me, holding me by my throat, against a wall, with my feet off the ground (I thought I was going to die) He fractured my ribs 3 separate times, broke my nose, stomped on my chest, spit in my face, punched me in the face...numerous black eyes and embarrassing bruises! I stayed for 16 years! Why??? I still held on to the hope that he would get help and things would get better...also a fear of being alone for the rest of my life. I left many times, spent time in 3 different womens shelters but always returned. I began praying for him to change...then one day God answered me by saying...you can't fix him, you need to fix you! The message came loud and clear in my head of course, but never the less it was God that answered me. So, what did I do? I stopped praying...I wasn't ready to give up on him. I spent another 4 hellish years with him. The abuse got worse, until one day he made me call my parents and tell them to send him $1,000 or he just might kill me! I knew then, that he actually may kill me! I got away from him in a strange town thousands of miles away from friends and family. I had no Money, no vehicle, and very little clothes with me. With the help of my family, I did get back home. I never looked back! I knew that I had saved my life by leaving!
He returned to my area, and stalked me for a while. I got a restraining order and never saw him alive again. I say alive, because I did see him after his death. He died of a massive heart attack High and Alone at the age of 51. I went to see him at the mortuary. I forgave him, and hoped he was finally at peace. I greived more for his pathetic life than his death.
I have been told that a woman will return to an abusive relationship an average of 7 times before leaving for good or dying at her abusers hand! Funny thing is...I was told this 13 years before I actually left him for good! I have learned so much from those 16 years with him and will never make the same mistakes again!
Don't hold out hope that he will change...He won't! Get away and find someone who respects you and treats you right!
Good Luck!
Britt
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (2 March 2009):
 First off, are you, in fact, in an abusive relationship? This could mean he physically hurts you (whether on purpose or accident) or he calls you bad names or tells you you are not worth it and blah blah blah. I was in an abusive relationship for two years. Those were the worst two years of my life. I went through some serious depression and was put in the hospital due to what my ex-boyfriend did to me and also because his verbal abuse was starting to take its toll on my sanity. Literally. If you are, in fact, in an abusive relationship, get out now! It should not get to a point where your friends are asking why you are still with someone who treats you badly. You are a smart girl, trust your instincts and get away from this guy! He's definitely NOT worth it.
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