A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do exs from years ago get in touch again when they are single and having nothing else to do ? This has happened to me ...again , im with someone , have been for two years , my ex knows this , her other half is in prison, she married him while she was seeing me back in 2006 ! I think she did love me at the time but also loved him too, I dumped someone of four years to be with her because she told me she was leaving him ...she never did, she married him instead 16 week later. Her ex was locked up this feb, her daughter has been telling me to ring her mother via facebook regulary because she needs a friend...Ive not been bothered to ring her till yesterday, when I eventually gave in, once talking to her again , I wondered why on earth Id bothered to ring her at all...She was giving me the same rubbish down the phone as she did 5 years earlier, telling me it was over between them , telling me how much money she has (she did this 5 yrs ago ) I told her I was happy with my girlfiend, things were going great and I wished her all the best and told her that she should wait till her husband comes out of prison to make any decisions on her future, then decide whether she wants to be with him or go and look for someone new. I told her that I no longer drink or party like I used to, my current girlfriend has settled me right down. That was it I then came off the phone. I told my girlfriend about the conversation , she was fine with it , but said to me that she's trying to get off with me. When I was on the phone to my ex , I hardly knew what to say, If anything I probably came over as a bit cold, she was telling me about her husbands case and how she was fighting for his innocence, I was so bored , I just kept saying "right", she finally cottoned onto this and changed the direction of the conversation to me and my girlfriend. Im not overhappy about ringing her , it was the same old lines that she gave me 5 yrs earlier, she never asked me to start seeing her outright, I just feel a bit silly having rung her, but the plus side is at least her daughter cant keep nagging at me to get in touch with her mother again. I always have believed let sleeping dogs lie, this is why I havent been in touch, I believe u cant be friends with an ex , whats the point when theres so many people to be friends with ?
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (6 September 2011):
I think you misunderstood me! I mean't, I think there was and ulterior motive on HER part for wanting to get in touch with you!...
But anyway you seen to have dealt with her, and moved on! x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Thank you Anon, fot your answer, yes I think its to try to rekindle what once was, its like a trip down memory lane , someone saffe etc...I think part of me rang her to feel how I was listening to her again, I was fine with it, I was very much into her and wanted to marry her, but she let me go and married the guy she,s with 16 weeks later.
I didnt have her number, her daughter volunteered the number too me.
I wont be getting in touch again, its like Ive put it to rest, I told her I hopes she sorts things out and it all works out the way she wants.
Ive never gone back or chased anyone thats dumped me , its them that have usually done the chasing after. I never bother again with exs.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): There is no ulterior motive on my half to get in touch with her, I never keep in touch with any of my exs including my ex wife, sure im civil if I see them about but otherwise nothing else.
I did feel bullied abd a bit pressured by her daughter to get in touch with her mother , with hindsight I maybe I should of been a bit firmer and said "theres no point now", but under the circumstances I thought best to ring.
I did want to marry her 5 years ago, I was very crushed when she dumped me then 16 weeks later married her husband , but yet still wanted to see me!!?
I had her number in my phone for weeks before her daughter started again
I certainly wont be in touch with her again, I didnt really offer any support to her except to say "im sorry , I hope you get to work things out "
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): There is no ulterior motive on my half to get in touch with her, I never keep in touch with any of my exs including my ex wife, sure im civil if I see them about but otherwise nothing else.
I did feel bullied abd a bit pressured by her daughter to get in touch with her mother , with hindsight I maybe I should of been a bit firmer and said "theres no point now", but under the circumstances I thought best to ring.
I did want to marry her 5 years ago, I was very crushed when she dumped me then 16 weeks later married her husband , but yet still wanted to see me!!?
I had her number in my phone for weeks before her daughter started again
I certainly wont be in touch with her again, I didnt really offer any support to her except to say "im sorry , I hope you get to work things out "
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): Yep. I agree.The only reason I can think of is to rekindle what once was. Not that she meant to take avantage of you, but that you were safe and familiar. With you she can blather on about herself. With someone new she'd have to be polite and talk about things of mutual interest.You shouldn't have called her, but having done so you handled it the right way and said all the right things. So don't beat yourself up about that.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (5 September 2011):
You can be friends with exes so long as you are BOTH over the split.As to why do exes get in touch when they have nothing to do, i guess it is just reminiscing when they are loney perhaps, and not entirely happy in their current situation? From what you have said, I would stay clear of her,(your ex), as she seems 'unsettled' in her current relationship and you have met someone that makes you happy.If she was happy with her 'other half' and was just wanting a catch up I would say that's fine, but i think she may have an ulterior motive!You were courteous, and polite to her on the phone, so don't worry, and don't let her daughter bully you into keeping in touch with her if you really don't want to. I'm sure she has other friends (since you've been split up since 2006??!) x
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (5 September 2011):
 I am still trying to figure out why you called her when you are completely happy with your current girlfriend...who God Bless her is so understanding.Forget letting sleeping dogs lie my friend, bury the bone with this one. Don't contact her again, she sounds toxic and will just pollute the positive that you have in your life right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2011): You obviously left her feeling that you was still kind of available 5 yrs ago and made no attempt to let her know you was not also you let the child believe you was still interested in her mother,if you had of been single i doubt there would have been a problem but since your not she is at fault when clearly you are the one at fault stop this behaviour as it is clear it is something you seem to have a problem with
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A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (5 September 2011):
Only you know why you truly called! 1.) you call to let her know that you have someone and better for it. 2.) you call to see if her life turned out worst since you two parted.A friend would habve tried to understand and sent moral support if any. I want to see all the ones i knew and no i could careless about her personal life.
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