A
female
age
51-59,
*veryones ex
writes:Right then here goes, what I want to know is this-why is it that the guys I have relationships with always seem to take me for granted then after we've split up they (and it can be a few years after we've split) they say I was the love of their life/no-one ever treated them as good as I did/can we give it another go/they've thought of me often blah blah blah? If that's the case then why don't guys realise this until after we've split? This has happened to me 4 times now (all long term relationships) and it looks like it may be about to happen for a fifth time. I know my bf loves me but he just takes me for granted- going out for drinks with exes etc and doesn't seem to understand why I might have a problem with this behaviour. I love him but at the moment his selfishness is driving me crazy. I don't want to spend every minute with him but to be considered would be nice. What do I do?
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (24 January 2009):
 It's because you haven't found the right one yet. The right guy won't leave you behind. The right guy will call if he's going somewhere with his buddies. The right guy puts you first.
Women often mistake lust for love. We lust and think we're in love. We give body and soul. Meanwhile, the guy is just having a good time with no intention of any real commitment.
There's a break up, and the guy misses you (it's uncannily universal - I had one fella follow me across the country once) and then you both get romqnce revisionist disorder. But that's an illusion. Take it with a grain of salt and, like my wise mama told me, if you break up, stay broken up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): I've tried to toughen up on him but he just acts like a petulent child!He has a right old tantrum(even tho he's 43!!!!!!)then after a couple of hours of me not running after him/phoning him/leaving him to stew he calms down and acts like nothing has happened,tells me he loves me,I'm the one etc but then it all happens again.Take tonight for instance-we've been together over a year(I'm on my own with 3 kids)and he's always told me that if I want to go out with my friends he'll babysit my kids.A good friend of mine is moving to a different city in a few weeks and chances are I'll never see her again so she organised a girls night out.I asked him to babysit but he refused cos he wants to go out with his mates.His son is going in the army in a few weeks time and he wants to spend time with him-I understand that but his son will be going out with us tomorrow night then the two of them will be out on Sunday night and he'll be taking him out every weekend until he leaves for basic training.Why was 1 night too much to ask after everything he's said?Is he just using his son as an excuse to do what he wants?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2009): In your current situation doesn't seem that you set boundaries. Men need it very much, otherwise they will go as far as they can. Your boyfriend will never understand why his behaviour bothers you, but he must know that you don't like it. And then he needs to stop or else. I think it happens very often when women are trying to be too nice, nurturing and understanding, forgeting their needs.
Try to stop catering to them, let them take care of you
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A
female
reader, lacexoxo22  +, writes (23 January 2009):
 I think for one that maybe your giving them too much of you. Like your too nice, your too giving, your too available. They know that they have you wrapped around their finger and well to be blunt, what guy isn't going to take advantage of a girl like that? You know what I mean? I think that you should "make them work" for your love and affection a little more as oppose to offering it up all at once when YOU realize you love them. Guys are going to do everything that you allow them to do. That's life and it's not going to change. You either gotta have a soft outside and a hardcore inside (stand your ground and don't offer so much up front) or learn to live with what's going on. You either gotta change a little bit of the person you are or start dating a "different" kinda guy. It could be you just attract assholes :-) I know I had that phase myself. Good luck, hope this helps.
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