A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a proud parent of three children two girls and one boy .My son is the baby anyway my oldest daughter and son has the same father and he also has five other children and what I don't understand why he treats my kids different from them.He plays father figure to them but he acts like mine don't exist.I thought when our oldest daughter passed away in 04 I thought it would bring him closer to my son.He still don't want anything to do with my son our son.Now he is externally sick and wants comfort from me I forgive him but really I want to shut him out forever.What should I do:( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 September 2012):
Hi there. You don't really say this here, but do you and this man live together?
Or, do you only see each other regularly, but both live at separate addresses?
It somehow seems to me that it's a part time relationship, that you have with each other.
Perhaps I have it all wrong.
And I say about part time, because you have said you want to shut him out.
And you can't really do that if he is living under the same roof as you are.
And so I guess what it really comes down to now, is how is your relationship with him otherwise?
Apart from his treatment of your children, how are things between you and him?
Do you otherwise, get along pretty well with each other?
Does he treat you with respect and dignity all of the time?
Or, are you both constantly arguing, about all sorts of things?
And would you say that you are genuinely happy to be in each other's company - disregarding the issue of how he treats your children?
And what is he doing regarding taking care of his health?
Is he seriously ill - as in life threatening - or is it something more along the lines of chronic illness, sch as diabetes, heart disease or something of that nature?
I really think that your best course of action, is definitely to sit down with him - if you haven't done so already - and just tell him exactly how you feel about everything, including the issues you have about his relationship with your children.
It's necessary that you have this chat with him, as the longer it goes unaddressed, the more toxic it's likely to become in your relationship overall.
And when you have this chat, you need to be absolutely upfront and open and honest with him.
Regardless of his illness - life threatening or not - you still need to have this talk really soon.
Don't delay it even for one day longer.
It's clear to me that it's rather a problem to you now, and I can promise you that it will only escalate with time.
And already now, you are at almost breaking point, so all the more reason to do it NOW - "Today".
The sooner you and him start talking about this, the sooner the matter gets resolved - once and for all.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 You're very welcome. Your mum is a wise woman. I've heard of people faking or exaggerating illnesses to muster up sympathy and attention from others.
Thanks very much for the feedback and best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): Ciar my mom said the same thing even my family said it they believe he is lying he is just playing on my sympathy.He claims he has tumors that are cancerous.He really wants to come back to me that's all but it will be a cold day in hell before I take him back and we all know that will never happen. Thanks:)
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (1 September 2012):
It's good that you've forgiven him, even if only for your own peace of mind, but you're not obliged to look after him. You aren't abandoning him to the streets to starve. He has care somewhere else.
Please don't allow him into your home. I don't know if he's terminally ill, but if it's something he'll recover from I can promise you it won't transform him into a better person. I've known of a few women who have allowed a terminally ill ex husband in to their homes to nurse him. Right up until they end, they are selfish and ungrateful.
Save yourself that bother and send him on his way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): You are so right that's all he does is complain to me about his health and to myself I'm like for one when our oldest daughter was born she was very sick . This deadbeat would n't come to the hospital to see his daughter his sister came in place of him.i was mad as hell.And then on top of that he denied being her father sense she was born with health issues,but wind up paying support that a kid gets for allowance.Our son never got love,support, a hug,words of wisdom from him nothing.The mother of the other five I don't know if she talks to him or not but it hurts me I just want to know what did my kids do to be treated like this.He claim his father wasn't there and he doesn't know how to be one he is a damn lie.a don't wish nothing on this man but his karma is in the making
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (1 September 2012):
 If you want to shut him out, then don't do whatever it is he wants you to do. It sounds like he should have enough support elsewhere, either from his other five children if they are old enough, or from their mothers.
If he is looking for somewhere to live where he will be pampered and treated like a king, let him know there is no room at your place, and let him know that while you forgive him for being a poor parent to your children, you don't feel under any obligation to take care of him.
I hope he isnt trying to guilt trip you into caring for him, after all, it sure sounds like he hasn't bothered about taking care of you and his children, you have no obligation to this man.
Be strong with yourself and stick to what YOU want, what he want's isnt your problem.
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