A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I dated a guy who is 15 years younger then me. I was his very first true love (as he said). We started dating when he was 20. The relationship was wonderful as i feel myself young again and wanted him so much. I had a strong sexual attraction to him which regrew into love. He had a sexual attraction too whic was connected with love, but the moment we slept together he had to leave and i never saw him again. We dated for seven months and as i was his first woman, we slept only once and it did not go the way we expected as he was so nervous that couldn't finish everything the way it should have been done. I was happily married with two kids before i met him. The moment i saw him i couldn't stop thinking about him, and it turned out the same happened to him. He was the one who asked me out first, i told him about my husband so he stepped away, but we remained friends, but after several conversations with him with a cup of coffees i told him that i was in love with him, so he asked me out again. And we started to date. We kissed a lot everywhere, had fun in the library, almost wherever we went, but slept only once as i did not want to cross a line as i was married and knew that our relationship couldn't last forever as he is much younger than me. Everything ended so suddenly. During our dating i felt guilty all the time and asked him to stop the relationship because i was too weak to do so, but he kept coming back and i couldn't resist seeing him, kissing him, touching him, joking with him, talking to him, looking into his eyes. We broke up, then he called me and asked me to come to see the place he lived in with his mom, as his mom was away. I went, we talked, had a nice time and it happened, after that time i never saw him again. He sent me an e-mail saying that he had to leave for another city as he was accepted to university(i knew about that but did not expect that to happen so suddenly). He promised to come back in a week and talk, say good bye, and he wanted to keep long distance relationship. I was stressed out because of my guilt towards my husband and his abrupt leave. I did not reply, so in a week he came back to the city but sent me an e-mail saying how much he loved me, how much i meant to him, and he would never forget me. I decided to wait for him. I wanted him to come and say good bye to me in person. He never came. We did communicate only through e-mails, he never called. I got so stressed out that we started to quarrell through e-mails, he never said anything wrong to me, but his words was not filled with love anymore only friendship style. Then we broke up again. I called him in three months, we had a great talk but the moment i asked him if he loved me he said that he had loved me but love disappeared the moment he moved to another city. He had moved on with our relationship. I got so stressed out that i lost ten pounds, i couldn't cope with stress, loss, guilt. I loved him and still love him. Then he came very suddenly but with his mom and we had a chance to talk only for twenty minutes. At the end i asked if he was feeling anything towards me. He said that he was feeling but we couldn't continue all this. Then again we started to write e-mails, i got angry at him,and we broke up again. But i coulgn't stop thinking about him so i called him again in two months. I yelled at him, i read an article about emotional rape, and i thought this was what he did to me. He was brainwashing me just to put me in bed, he did not care about my marriage, and i just let him do this. He was trying to support me but it did not work. Eventually in two months i wrote to him that i still love him and that was why couldn't communicate with him like friends, so he called me saying that i meant a lot to him and the moment he would be in a city he would come to see me. He was in a city but did not come. I was so shocked, because i was waiting for him. I still love him. I cannot stop thinking about him. My love was real. I understand that he is young and at this age the only thing you want from a woman is sex, but i did deserve at least good bye in person. Will i ever see him again? Does he still think about me? Why he never came?
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broke up, kissing, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 You are married for haven's sake! Run back to your husband before he gets suspicious. I gues he met gorgeous gals his age.he didnt want to waste his youthful time with a married woman.step back, and enjoy your chosen family life
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): I think you need to take a deep breath and put things in perspective. You began an affair outside of your marriage with a very young man. You say yourself that it couldnt go anywhere because of the age gap, your marriage and the fact that the boy was going away to university. Then you asked him to end things because you were too weak to do it. So he did end things. The fact that you had sex with him once, doesnt mean he owes you anything. And it doesnt sound like emotional rape at all. You entered into the affair fully aware of what you were doing. Lets not forget, if there is an injured party here. Its not you. It is your husband. The boy has told you he stopped loving you when he left for university. What more can he possibly say? The best thing to do is to stop contacting him now and start working on your marriage. If you cant be faithful to your husband and you arent happy at home. End your marriage and find a proper partner that makes you happy.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (16 October 2010):
 Maybe he was afraid. Maybe moving to a new city because of education started changing him, perhaps he saw himself in a new light and what he was doing, maybe he thought he was not ready for something like this. Or maybe he had found someone else in his new city.
I know it might be hard but I think it best that you let him go. Clearly you are in love with him but it has become painfully apparent that he does not feel the same way about you.
What about your marriage? What about your husband? I don't suppose there is a chance you could rekindle your relationship with your husband? If you feel no love towards him then get divorced but you cannot stay in it for the sake of being with someone. You have to be honest and just move on unless you can give your marriage a chance so you can forget about this young man. There MUST be something there for your husband, or else you would not have felt guilt for doing what you did. The young boy apparently got what he wanted and he left and he does not respect you! He told you he would come to see you and he brought your hopes up because you loved him so much, then he shattered you as if you meant nothing more to him than a rose in a garden, you glance at it then you look to other things. Do not let yourself continue down this path. Move on from him for your sake.
I hope that helps.
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