A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I dated a guy who is 15 years younger then me. I was his very first true love (as he said). We started dating when he was 20. The relationship was wonderful as i feel myself young again and wanted him so much. I had a strong sexual attraction to him which regrew into love. He had a sexual attraction too whic was connected with love, but the moment we slept together he had to leave and i never saw him again. We dated for seven months and as i was his first woman, we slept only once and it did not go the way we expected as he was so nervous that couldn't finish everything the way it should have been done. I was happily married with two kids before i met him. The moment i saw him i couldn't stop thinking about him, and it turned out the same happened to him. He was the one who asked me out first, i told him about my husband so he stepped away, but we remained friends, but after several conversations with him with a cup of coffees i told him that i was in love with him, so he asked me out again. And we started to date. We kissed a lot everywhere, had fun in the library, almost wherever we went, but slept only once as i did not want to cross a line as i was married and knew that our relationship couldn't last forever as he is much younger than me. Everything ended so suddenly. During our dating i felt guilty all the time and asked him to stop the relationship because i was too weak to do so, but he kept coming back and i couldn't resist seeing him, kissing him, touching him, joking with him, talking to him, looking into his eyes. We broke up, then he called me and asked me to come to see the place he lived in with his mom, as his mom was away. I went, we talked, had a nice time and it happened, after that time i never saw him again. He sent me an e-mail saying that he had to leave for another city as he was accepted to university(i knew about that but did not expect that to happen so suddenly). He promised to come back in a week and talk, say good bye, and he wanted to keep long distance relationship. I was stressed out because of my guilt towards my husband and his abrupt leave. I did not reply, so in a week he came back to the city but sent me an e-mail saying how much he loved me, how much i meant to him, and he would never forget me. I decided to wait for him. I wanted him to come and say good bye to me in person. He never came. We did communicate only through e-mails, he never called. I got so stressed out that we started to quarrell through e-mails, he never said anything wrong to me, but his words was not filled with love anymore only friendship style. Then we broke up again. I called him in three months, we had a great talk but the moment i asked him if he loved me he said that he had loved me but love disappeared the moment he moved to another city. He had moved on with our relationship. I got so stressed out that i lost ten pounds, i couldn't cope with stress, loss, guilt. I loved him and still love him. Then he came very suddenly but with his mom and we had a chance to talk only for twenty minutes. At the end i asked if he was feeling anything towards me. He said that he was feeling but we couldn't continue all this. Then again we started to write e-mails, i got angry at him,and we broke up again. But i coulgn't stop thinking about him so i called him again in two months. I yelled at him, i read an article about emotional rape, and i thought this was what he did to me. He was brainwashing me just to put me in bed, he did not care about my marriage, and i just let him do this. He was trying to support me but it did not work. Eventually in two months i wrote to him that i still love him and that was why couldn't communicate with him like friends, so he called me saying that i meant a lot to him and the moment he would be in a city he would come to see me. He was in a city but did not come. I was so shocked, because i was waiting for him. I still love him. I cannot stop thinking about him. My love was real. I understand that he is young and at this age the only thing you want from a woman is sex, but i did deserve at least good bye in person. Will i ever see him again? Does he still think about me? Why he never came?
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broke up, kissing, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): Sis
Well your KARMA will never leave you. They are always with you till your death. one thing you can see is that one mistake you did and you are here at situation forced to post your problem to the world.
You will keep paying the price for quite some time. Either in terms of your conscience killing you with guilt or loosing your faithful husband and family and so on..
So try to change track of do some good deeds and reduce your sufferings. work on your marriage. forget him. consider that it was mistake. stop all communication. he is not in to you and will never be.
Else destroy every thing that you have.
ONLY WAY TO BE HAPPY IN THE WORLD IS THAT IN CONTENTIOUS CONFLICT BETWEEN DESIRES AND YOUR CONSCIENCE, YOU NEED TO LET YOUR CONSCIENCE WIN. DESIRES MAY TAKE YOU TO PATH WHICH MAY COME OUT TO BE VERY PAINFUL.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 October 2010):
My girlfriend is actually quite a bit older than me, so I think I can help you.
I think, basically, there are a few options and none of them are good.
The first option is that he saw you the first time and was just terrified and can't do it again. This, however, is unlikely. I was very nervous when I met my girlfriend for our first date, but at no point did it stop me seeing her again. If it is that he's just too nervous, then he's too immature to deal with this.
The second is that he feels guilt for doing what he did given that you were married. Let's face it, you're a married woman and you SHOULD not be doing this. At all.
Thirdly, and clearly the most likely, is that this was his fantasy and now he's lived it, he's not interested. You were an older woman he wanted to have sex with, and it's happened and now he's not bothered. I think this is the most likely.
The point is though, you should now be sorting your marriage out. Your husband is your priority, not your young ex lover. Get to work on your marriage before you wind up with nothing but a huge bill for a divorce lawyer.
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