A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Pleassee help meeeI've dated this guy for about a month, i broke up with him because i had a gut feeling he wasnt over his ex so i ended it, the other day i was at a local club he was there with a couple of his friends, and she was there as well, other people were around but i just focused on them ,so i had to get a few drinks just for the heck of it, and what i was facing. Later the night i'm a little tipsy and i go up to him and ask if we can talk privately, we step outside and i told him that the reason i broke up with him wasnt because i wasnt ready for anything,it was simply because of his ex, he had a serious face and said how he was over her and that one of these days he'll have a private talk with here,just for closure the conversation ended therejust the other day i was in my car listening to a song thats about a cheater, i had it loud in the car with windows down and singing at the top of my lungs,i look beside me and its him,his face is pale white like he has seen a ghost ,..long story shortalot of people say i'm too good for him, and honestly im having doubts i really miss him and i actually wish we'd get back together..but my question is why didnt he fight for me? after him saying he was completely over her why didntt he take me by the hand and say that he wants to get back with me? pleasseee help me..i am alone and depressed just thinking about the good times we had ..should i have ignored that gut feeling? just to feel satisfied.. PLEASSEEE HELLPP
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 September 2011):
There are two possible reasons:
1 - He wasn't over her, and you were right. He was there at the pub with her, so this is a possibility.
2 - You dumped him. Why should a man who's been dumped be the one to do the running? No confident man does that. He worked out that you were needy and that you dumped him for no good reason, and has decided not to come back.
If you dump someone, that's it. It's you who is then required to do the running. The dumped party isn't expect to do anything. Also, you had a few people around you saying he wasn't good enough. Perhaps he knows what's been said and doesn't want to come back to this.
Just seems like you've all be stabbing each other in the back to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): You broke up with him to see if he would fight for you?
That's ineffective if he is a strong man. Girls expect too much sometimes. Take it from me, a great guy has enough confidence and control to know he can move on to the next one with ease. So if you want a great handsome guy, you can't make a stupid move like that.
On the other hand, if your boy over here is a emotionally weak feeble man, then yes. He would come crawling back to you.
I guess now you know what kind of guy you had. Live and Learn.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler +, writes (22 September 2011):
 I think you will find he is still with or back with his Ex.
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A
female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (22 September 2011):
 After one month of dating, it sounds like your feelings are a bit more intense for this guy than normal.
I don't know how long it's been since you broke up with him. What I do know is that you finally told him why you broke up with him (something you should have said at the time of the break-up) and really, it's possible that it's too soon to say he won't fight for you.
He may have been less than honest about being over his ex. He may not even realize that he is still hung up on her to the degree he is.
There are so many unanswerable questions here that it's best that you simply focus on moving on. Its sounds like you'll bump into him again from time to time. Be friendly and approachable, avoid heavy 'emotional' conversations while tipsy and remain open to whatever the future holds - be it with him or with someone else.
...and in the future, don't break up with people if it's yourhope to make them 'fight' for you. Only break up with them when you are ready to walk away.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2011): He's still hanging out with his ex! Wasn't that enough to confirm why you broke up?
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A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (22 September 2011):
 He's a probably a bit annoyed with you for not giving him the true reason behind why you ended things. I can imagine he might feel a bit cheated by you for not telling him until you were tipsy. Hearing you singing could have enhanced this feeling as well. I think if you ended it, for whatever reason, then you have to accept that it's over. You were the one that ended it, and you can't expect him to fight for you. It doesn't matter whether you should have given him the benefit of the doubt or not, you just have to accept that what's done is done.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (22 September 2011):
 i believe you still have strong feelings for him or you would not be depressed, or taking the time to write about him. if you are interested in him let him know. ask him about the other girl if it is over between them. what,s it going to hurt? you will know were you stand at least .
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