A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband was for the last year really becoming more and more harsh with me. Few days ago we again had a small situation which caused great disturbance and we both were upset at the end.Then he went for a shower and came back and said that he can't do it anymore like that, even if he is the source of the negativity, it might be better that he is alone than always getting into such situations.He sees that I suffer, that I cry a lot, and that I'm not happy. He went to work and I came to his work to bring him his favorite breakfast and we spoke and in the evening we spoke again and he said that he will try to do something about it.Since then, it is quite fine, it's only few days since then, but that is a lot for him, almost every day few times he would find something to be angry or disturbed about.Now I feel weird - something that bothered me so much that it almost drew all the emotions from him (imagine being guilty almost every day 3 times and getting harsh correcting) and which I couldn't so easily communicate with him, he just changes in a day. It seems weird. Or at least not fair. Why didn't he do it before, but waited that I'm completely exhausted?My mind is making scenarios- it is far more easier to change something from the outside which causes you disturbance, than to change from the inside, and he just changed it. It doesn't go that way.. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, wittyduck +, writes (16 June 2012):
im engaged now and going to get married soon. I m dirvoced and have one little boy. My fiance dirvorced twice,,got two grown up boys and one little girl same age with my son. Im about 4 months pregnant now. I have to move to his country for him.
He was very sweet and devoted to me, that touches my heart and i feel in love with him even I know i could do much better than that. Im young and he;s about half my age.
Before he stayed at home and take care of her daughter,he spent every single minutes on yahoo with me,texting, calling,,do whatever i want to make me happy, from the small thing about the bicth ex and he even suggested we will move house to other place to get away from his bicth 2nd ex.
Everything changed after i came there for a visit before we getting married, I found out many things that he lied to me,,,from the photos of him and that bicth, thousand pixs of her ( which he told me he diestroyed them all) , and hundred naked pixs of her which are very strong ones( which he swore to me he never did that to her). It drove me crazy..I felt being cheated and betrayed.
Before i came,,he promised will not let the daughter take too much time from us. But when i came there,,everything changed, He let the bicth ex bother me,,worse,,he believed in her more than me, I tried to tell him how i feel and how much it hurt me,,he ignored it. He broke his promise about his daughter,,gave me a heartache..But above all, I still love him even get hurt so much.
We agured a lots up to the points i wanted to come back and finish everything. He played game with me,,promised me he will change but it was just his trick. He always does it step by step and put me in a situation which is already sellted ,,,withou asking my opinion, Or when he asked and i didnt agree,,he just ignored or got angry with me.
The last drop is he is going on a business trip for 10 days out of country( my country). When he first mentioned about this 6 months ago,i didnt like it, I told him i didnt like him go there alone without me, Im prgenant and i want him to be with me, OUr house is at an very isolated place and im new to this country.
He ignored it,,and kept planning to do it. Now im going to come back to him and stay there for goods,,after long terrible separation coz of visa procedure,,and he wants to go on this trip. I asked him to stay,,tell him how much it affects me and so on. He didnt give a word about it. He told me im being selfish and unreasonable.
I dont know what to do, I feel like my words and my feeling dont count anymore. I even told him if he decides to go, im not coming back, he will loose me and our baby for putting his job in front of his family,,but he doesnt care...he just do what he wanna do.
He brings up all the reason,,,that he doesnt want to dissappoint his boss( but me), and so on,,One more thing, he is going with a guy( which i think he is a gay,,or my husband is a bio sexual because my husband always initiate about male sexual stuff like" im going to bring the cream and satisfy you" "Im going to give you all" " darling"" imagine im in a naked conference" He even took pix of his thing by that guy;s camera willingly on his birthday which made me so disgusting.
When i got angry with him, he said he was just joking. That guy calls him almost every night for half an hour to talk( dont know what is it about). When i was away, that guy asked him to come over his house and slept over there. I got so angry so he stopped it. I dont know whether im crazy or not but i always feel there is something not normal between them, My husband love anal,,and sometimes when i woke up at night, i saw him putting his finger into his @@ss and moved back and forth with excitement...which made me so scared. When i asked him he looked embarresed.
That;s always in my mind they are doing something behind my back. he still loves making love with me, but i dont like anal. I dont know maybe im pregnant now, that makes me sensitive or not,,but i do think about him f#king in his @ss when they are alone in the hotel on their business trip.
I feel so down and upset, dont know what to do, That guy is a bastard,,maybe he will try to persuade my husband to do that stuff or suggest him to go to the bar or hanging aorund with girls there. I realy dont know what to do.And my husband wont listen to me, He insits in going. Please advice.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 June 2012):
I would say from what you've written that your boyfriend is manipulating situations and your emotions to suit himself. He waited until you were exhausted, because he now has your attention and you'll do what he says. The moment you start to get strong again, or feel better, and he'll do it again.
He's become harsher and harsher, and that won't change. I would strongly suggest that you leave, because this will not get better for you.
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