A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 30 years old and I have been married for nearly 7 years. I love my husband very much but I do believe you can love two people at once. I am also in love with my best friend- occasionally, when we hang out, we have sex. We know it is wrong and I don't need a lecture about morality. I wasn't supposed to be able to get pregnant because I don't ovulate normal- well, apparently I do! I am about 5 weeks pregnant and I have an abortion scheduled this Friday.... but I am having some serious doubts.My husband told me that if I have this baby he is leaving because he can't raise someone else's kid. My best friend who got me pregnant already has three kids from three different women and told me that he doesn't want me to have an abortion, but he also doesn't think that this situation is healthy for a child. I agree with him, but I'm also in love with him just as much as my husband and I cannot kill his baby without regret. I'm not sure I can cope with this.I guess... it might help to have feedback from someone outside of this situation who is unwilling to judge me. I don't give a giant F*ck what my friends or family might think, but both my husband and friend who got me pregnant are worried about other people finding out. It is a very confusing situation.. and I've got like two more days to decide .... In my heart I want this baby.... but should I listen to my head?
View related questions:
abortion, best friend, love two Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2012): Why operate with less information than you have to? Go out of your way to talk to the other 3 women who have had his baby. Ask them why they wanted his baby at the time, what they think of him now that they've dealt with him a few years, and whether they are happy overall that he is their baby's father. I don't see how you are on a deadline. Is your husband imposing a deadline? You shouldn't rush your decisions to please someone who is undecided about whether he intends to even remain in your life. If you abort, your husband will probably linger a while longer but still not be able to be around you in the end so don't count on that at all. Will you want your baby to grow up with a full sibling? If so, you will have to ask your friend for another baby so factor that into your calculations. You will make yourself easier to deal with if you figure out what you really want without apologies and wear it on your sleeve. Follow your heart's true desires.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2012): I would strongly consider how the baby will grow up. If you have the baby and your husband and friend leave you, there will be no father figure. If you give the baby up for adoption, the baby will go through the foster care process, which could screw up it's life in the future. There are tons of stats that say if a kid doesn't have both parents involved in it's life, there's a greater chance for delienquency, crime, mediocrity, etc.
BUT
I'm not quite sure where I stand on what constitutes as a "life" when the organism isn't out of the womb. So if you truly believe in your heart of hearts that it's not a baby or life 5 weeks in... then abort. If you do, I would hold off.
This is a very touchy situation and I wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (11 June 2012):
If you keep the child, you have to make sure it really is wanted. Because there's nothing worse than growing up thinking you're not. As for the whole pro-life deal, there are already too many human beings on this planet. Adding another is not a good thing unless it is born and raised with love.
Make no mistake, you will lose both your friend and your husband if you keep the baby. Your husband is basically telling you he's willing to give you one more shot if you abort, and your friend is basically a player who can't be counted on as he's already fathered several children with different women. Don't think for a minute he'll settle with you and become one happy little family. If you can deal with being an alone, single mother, keep the child. If you know that deep inside this will make you very unhappy, abort the pregnancy for you'll only cause yourself and the child misery.
...............................
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (8 June 2012):
By not having an abortion you are killing all the future children you would have with your husband.
Terminating a pregnancy is just having control over your body. You will other babies that you would not otherwise have had.
If you want a baby and want your husband then I suggest it would be a very good idea to have his baby and not one fron an irresponsible guy that will mess up your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (7 June 2012):
 No, absolutely not - you should listen to your heart. Do you listen to your head when you love your family? No. You listen to your heart. This is a heart situation.
If you listen to your head, you will break your own heart. Seriously. DO NOT DO IT.
...............................
A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 My advice would be to have the abortion. The situation just isn't right for the baby-to-be (now foetus) and I think the baby deserves a 'normal' family life and not all this confusion, and the lack of a father figure. If you abort, you'll be putting an end to a foetus, not a human being. There's a difference. Besides, not being born is better than being born where one is not fully wanted.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Did your husband know what your relationship was with this friend? In other words, is the news that you're pregnant a complete shock, or an unexpected by-product of a relationship that your husband had accepted and condoned.
If you husband accepted that you had a sexual relationship with this other guy, then your marriage might be salvageble. That would mean keeping your pregnancy secret, either through abortion or by your going away for the last few months to somewhere anonymous.
If the extra-marital relationship is news to him, well, regardless of whether you have an abortion or not, your marriage is in trouble. If you're going to lose your marriage regardless, then don't add to your misery with the guilt you've already said you'll feel about abortion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2012):
 You are going to lose your husband either way. He knows you've been cheating and he's not going to stick around whether you keep the baby or not. You will also probably lose your friend because he is a bit of a player and has other children from other women to juggle. If your heart tells you to keep the baby, do so because you truly want the child, not because you think it'll make your friend commit to you. He probably won't. He hasn't committed to anyone so far, because he just plays around. So as long as you know this going in, you can still reap the joys of being a parent. You should keep the child.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): So what if you lose your husband....better than a child losing it's life. I am pro-life.....always have been, but was somewhat forced into an abortion. Long story...But let me tell you that since you have a doubt in your mind about having an abortion, the guilt of doing it will all but destroy you. No one talks much about the after effects of an abortion, but I will. I had nightmares, was on sleeping pills, nerve pills.....every holiday, I think of the child I aborted. He/she has their own Christmas ornament that goes on the tree, I always have a super small jack-o-lantern for Halloween..It has been almost 12 yrs and some days I still sit down and cry. Abortion is not only choosing to end a life, it never goes away.......and even if no one else ever knows it, you will. Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Are you absolutely positive that the baby isn't your husbands?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 June 2012):
Your heart says you want the baby - so keep it. The price will be that you will lose your husband, but I think that's a smaller issue to be honest. You'll feel a whole lot worse if you have an abortion and you don't really want it.
Keep the baby, but be prepared to accept that the life you have been living up until now will change whether you like it or not. Other parts of it will come to and end, and you must make your child the priority. Perhaps, in a way, that will settle the confusion as other decisions will be made for you.
At the very least though, you won't have to live knowing you aborted a baby that your heart wanted. That's about the best thing that can come out of this. And that's probably going to be worth the most to you.
I think keep the baby, accept that you'll lose other things and move on with your life.
...............................
|
