A
female
age
30-35,
*carlett6756
writes:Recently I've gotten together with someone my age.(24) I've known him for since he was 14 he lived down the street. We were at a bar andhis friend told me that when he was 17 he was fucking this woman when she was 32 years old. (She was in the same bar as us I didn't know of the relationship when we were younger we weren't that close only,recently over the past 6 months reconnected )I confronted him about it as it makes me uncomfortable that this woman basically took advantage of his crush on her and used him for sex. lasted a good 6 months. It makes me uncomfortable knowing that he was prettty much late bloomer and still don't *mature* body wise till he was about 19. So why was this woman attracted to a skinny teen boy. Since I confronted him he know wants me to meet her cause apparently she's aparently shesn ice and sweet and it was just a fun thing but..shes also a good friend of somone that he hangs out with . It's not like when he hangs with this person she'd be there but she might be there. His sister is also friends with someone who is her (the woman)best friend it still makes me uncomfortable. I don't know what to do.
View related questions:
crush Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 Simply tell him that no you would not like to meet her. But other than that who says she took advantage off him? He was over the age off consent so you cannot really judge what happened between them both it was a long time ago.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 While I find it a bit predatory of her as well (let's face it if your BF had been a young woman of 17 and the older person having sex with her was a guy - most would find it predatory and maybe a little gross). YOUR Bf still made the choice to have sex WITH her.
HE was 17! To hold it over his (or her) head is kind of pointless now. IF HE was and IS OK with having HAD that sexual experience with an older woman, that is fine.
And he isn't the first 17-year-old (regardless of gender) who had sex with someone MUCH older than them. Nor will he be the last. I know of QUITE a few "nerdier" guys who didn't date girls their own age but had FWB/ONS with older women as they felt less JUDGED by the older women and felt a LOT less pressure to be experienced in bed, have a job/income. So I can see where the appeal comes from. And AS LONG as it is CONSENSUAL I think it's OK. (and YES I'd still feel it's a little predatory of the older person though it might not have BEEN a case of: "UH he looks young I want to have sex with him!!" It might have been a:"Awww he is so cute and adorkable and makes ME feel attractive" Or simply a pity roll in the hay.
What is NOT fine is how his friends all gossip and tell you "juicy" details that really IS NOT for them to share with you. HE can share then IF HE SO CHOOSES.
Maybe your FOCUS should be on YOU & HIM and not on her? So if you don't want to get to know her or meet her, then don't. But for goodness sake STOP holding this over his head. He did it when he was 17!! And apparently he is STILL OK with it and her, so it wasn't some traumatizing situation for him.
If you can't handle knowing this, END it with him and let him go find someone LESS judgmental.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): OOPS! Cananda...pardon my typo! I meant no offense!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): There is really no need for you to meet her. If it makes you uncomfortable, insist that he not pressure you to meet her.
It sounds as though it was fully consensual, and he had reached the legal-age of 17 in Cananda. In the conservative and moral way of thinking, it's not ideal for a boy or girl at such a young age to be intimate with someone twice their age. If it's legal and consensual, it's going to happen.
I think his loose tongue is going to expose her and some people will openly express their negative opinions. If he truly likes her, he may want to keep that information to himself. You might even suggest that to him in a very firm way.
I'm curious to know why this is on everyone's lips? What does it have to do with you? I guess knowing him so long they feel you're part of the family, and should know all the family secrets. In this case, it's ignorant and oversharing.
You might also inform the bunch that you're offended and don't care to hear or discuss such things. Now or ever!
Part company if you really feel too uneasy around any them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 While you are entitled to your opinion on whether this relationship was right or wrong, what he did with someone else before he went out with you is really none of your business. You are basically passing judgement on something you know nothing about. Yes, he had a life before you went out. That is not a crime.
People get into sexual relationships for all sorts of reasons. Some people just seem to connect, regardless of age gaps. Others look for comfort if they are lonely. It is not just a physical thing. You do not know why this woman had a relationship with your boyfriend but let's get something straight here: unless you know she coerced him into doing something he was not comfortable with. you have no evidence she "took advantage" of him, nor have you any right to accuse her of such actions.
You have not said anything which would lead me to believe your boyfriend was not a completely willing party in this relationship. The fact all his friends know about it leads me to think he was probably boasting about it, which puts HIM in a much worse light (in my eyes) than it does her.
What they did together is in the past. I would advise you to leave it there - or finish with him if you can't let it go and find someone who has no past.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 What makes you think she took advantage of him? If I'm not wrong and correct me if I am, the age of consent in Canada is 16, so technically neither of them did anything wrong. It was consentual sex between two people who knew exactly what they were doing.
As disturbing as it might be for you that he was sleeping around with a much older woman, it's not unheard of. And as for you talking to her, that's a terrible idea. Why on earth would you want to do that and what will you ask her anyway? "Hey hi! So why did you sleep with my boyfriend when he was 17?"
If you're suffering from retroactive jealousy then that's a whole different issue and needs to be dealt with differently. But if you're only problem is that he was taken advantage of, then nope, he wasn't.
Why would you discuss this with his friends though? Why did they tell you about this?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 Dont agree to meet her. Say you are not comfortable with it. And his friends are really bad people for spreading private information like this. Poor friends. I would worry that he tells them too much of his private life, which they go talk to others about. Next time, will they be talking about what you and him did in bed, perhaps?
...............................
|
