A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago my boyfriend and I decided we were ready to have a baby, so I went off my birth control so we could start trying. The first night we attempted, he pulled out. He apologized and said he was just nervous. I said I understood. Well, he kept pulling out after that. I didn't say anything or pressure him. Six months have gone by and he's still ejaculating on my stomach. Obviously he has second thoughts about the baby, right? However, when I ask him about me going back on birth control, he says absolutely not. What gives here? Does he want a baby or not? Should I just go back on the pill and not tell him? He would be mad if he knew. Or should I just continue as we are and hope one day he forgets to pull out? I don't understand him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 no he is scared and really not ready. He is telling you not to go back on the pill because he thinks having a baby is what you want. You both need to be able to talk truthfully about these things and open up before you even think about bringing a baby in to the relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2017): Yep, you need to demand to get married.
Not because marriage will solve problems. Not because marriage is so very important. But do it because marriage is a much SMALLER commitment than having children together. If he won't even do the smaller commitment then you are CRAZY to think he will be reliable for the bigger one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2017): Why would you think he's ready to make a lifetime commitment to raising a child when he's not ready to make a lifetime commitment to you by proposing marriage? Maybe I'm old fashioned but I still believe it is in a child's best interests to enjoy the stability and security that comes with growing up in a household where everybody is legally related to each other. Do you really want to get pregnant by a guy who is ambivalent at best about having kids?In other words, are you prepared for the likely prospect that you could end up as an unemployed, impoverished single mother raising a kid completely on your own with zero help from an absent, uninvolved sperm donor?You aren't doing your kid any favors by rushing into a pregnancy under these circumstances. Every child deserves to be wanted by both parents, and that is not the case in this instance.Honeypie has given you very good advice. I hope for your future child(ren)'s sake that you will take it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 You are very, very young to be having a baby, so you need to be living together with a fair amount in savings, both have secure jobs and have a Plan B prepared for a break up. Also, how long have you been together?He's definitely not ready, so tell him *you* want to go back on the pill for a while. As you know, a baby is a huge commitment for the next 18 - 21 years.... you'd literally double your lifetime before they could really care for themselves.Do you want to get married to each other? If you do, it's best to do that before a baby comes along. If you don't want to marry, that's fine, but you need a legal document in place that will be security for your child if you do happen to break up.I think it's best to wait another year before discussing trying again and get more savings, more security and more stability. The pill seems like the necessary and responsible decision.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2017):
 He is not ready. Go back on birth control and tell him it's OK to wait a while with the baby making.
I think you have to consider a few things.
1. if he is not REALLY wanting a kid right now, would he then stick around IF you got pregnant?
2. Are you really ready for a child? Financially? Emotionally? Do you two live together? Are both of you working? Have some savings?
3. Why would HE be mad if you went back on the pill?
Having a kid (or more) is HARD HARD work, but YOU are the one going through MOST of the work with the pregnancy and birth. After the birth, it's STILL more on you than him. So honestly? What's the hurry? How long have you two been together and how long have you been living together?
It's OK to wait a couple of years.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (2 April 2017):
 He's definitely not sure about this (at best). While withdrawal is not 100% proof, he is still reducing the chances of you getting pregnant.
Even if you are 21, you are still very young to be having a baby. If this relationship is right for you, you will have plenty of time to get pregnant when you are both sure it is what you want.
Why would he be "mad" if you went back on the pill? Are you afraid of him? If so, PLEASE don't get pregnant.
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