A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have had a platonic friendship with this guy for over 15 years when he dated my friend and I dated his. We had stuff in common so we got on. It was a pretty good platonic friendship, we never liked each other in a romantic way. One day, out of the blue, years ago, I realized he had deleted all forms of communication with me (we worked on stuff together, he removed it all). I was confused to say the least. I just accepted it. A year or so later, me and his friend split up and I was in a very bad place generally in my life. My friend, his girlfriend, decided to cheer me up and had a party for me and even though it was at his house and I had asked him to come, he didn't show. Later a mutual friend told me he had shared messages from me to all his friends for a laugh. I felt so betrayed. It's been over 5 years since all that happened. I figured, if you don't want to be friends fine and got on with life. But yesterday I found, he has blocked me on Facebook. Now, I care little for Facebook but I just think like - it's been over 5 years, I have nothing to do with your life, you have nothing to do with mine, do you actually need to go out your way to block me (while being friends with all my friends). We weren't FB friends anyway and I had no desire to be, so blocking just seems petty. We have never even talked on Facebook.Anyway, the thing that gets me really, is that we never argued, we never fell out. He never once said 'hey you're pissing me off'. Nothing. Just one day he removed himself from my life. He's never had the guts to tell me why, and in fact in recent months when we've bumped into each other, he's been smiling and friendly. I know I should just get on with things like I have been doing for the last 5 years, I have accepted he doesn't want to be friends, but this latest thing has really bugged me. I just don't see why he had to take time out of his life to block me when we didn't even talk to each other anyway. I feel pretty betrayed. I supported him and his girlfriend through a lot. We shared so many good memories.Im inclined to think I should just forget about it and move on, but a part of me wants to try and find out why he decided he no longer wanted to be friends. The more devious side of me wants to do something really petty and silly to get him back but Im not really that kind of person. I just don't get some people.
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facebook, move on, no desire, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): OP:
p.s I have genuinely never had romantic feelings for him. I dated his best friend for almost 10 years, and he dated mine for longer.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Hey, I'm the original poster. Thanks for taking the time to answer me. I appreciate your comments.The messages I sent that he shared were sent to few of the people who came to the party. All the messages said were things like where we were going, and what we planned to do. A mutual friend told me he forwarded them to everyone he knew just ripping it and making fun of me.His girlfriend is my best friend and we see each other every week. She's pretty independent (they live together but don't often hang out together in groups), not the jealous type, but I guess I don't know what goes on behind closed doors. He is very secretive so I don't think she even knows he dislikes me. Actually, he blocked her too once. I know I should talk to her but I don't want to make things really awkward between all of us. Especially since it's only me he's taken a disliking to.When I think about it, I know he's just being petty and immature, but you just don't expect someone to stop being friends with you for no reason. I guess there isn't always logic in emotion. Cheers :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2013): Somerimes guys don't want their girlfriend's close friends analyzing their posts online, etc. Who knows? But as far as deleting items you worked on together and such, that seems to suggest there is an issue. The most logical approach would be to ask him what gives? Ask him what transpired to provoke these actions he has seemingly taken against you. Be calm, listen, and be prepared for any number of crazy answers that may be hurtful and untrue. Before trying to defend, just take it all in, consider the source, breathe, and determine whether there is any friendship worth salvaging. If not, save your defense for a notepad at home. Walk away from that and don't ever look back. Rejection is not always logical, even if you are. It is an unfortunate part of life that people will turn on you for convoluted reasons or no good reason at all!
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 February 2013):
 I aree with YOUWISH...I don't think we have the whole story here!
What was the nature of those messages you sent him?...and why are you so affected by him blanking you?
Facebook is a fertile bed for suspicion and jealousy so there are lots of reasons to block/not add people.
I think YOUWISH is right, I suspect the GF isn't keen on you and him 'having access' on FB. Sometimes you have to read between the lines of a situation and for all you know, she could have been the one to block you via his account (and he could be oblivious)...this happens a lot with computer/mobile phone access.
If you have had no contact with him over the five years and he didn't come to your party, maybe it's because she is pulling the strings!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 Hmmm. I think there are things we're not hearing about in your post, so my advice, like your post, will most likely be incomplete.
The obvious question is -- since you were in contact with this friend of yours who dated the platonic friend guy, why didn't you ask her why he shut you out?
I think I know the answers here. Many women can't and won't ever handle their significant others to have platonic friends of the opposite sex This means that even though she was okay to be friends with you, she may have been putting him through the third degree about his friendship with you. She might have been very jealous and he complied.
You said you knew him 15 years? That would mean you met him in middle school. Unfortunately, flakiness and jealousy are rampant then, and he most likely was interested in another girl, and/or he was more inclined to hang out platonicly with other guys.
What is most telling is that you said he sent your messages to his friends and they laughed at them? What about it was so funny? That doesn't make sense UNLESS he was telling them you had the hots for him.
As far as deleting you from Facebook, if this whole thing went down 5 years ago and you've said nothing to him since, then chalk it up to one less flake in your life and move on. It could be the person he's dating having issue with female friends, or he could think you tried to pick him up, or anything.
Either way, if he laughed at your pain, he was never your friend. If you still want an answer and you're bumping into each other recently, you might want to put him on the spot and ask him why he dropped you and why he laughed at your pain. Otherwise, if it's not worth it, then ignore the guy, which is what I'd do after 5 years of silence.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (16 February 2013):
 HI
Yeah thats pretty strange ! I would not bother about it any more though, it's been so long already why waste your time on a small minded petty person? I don't understand why he would share your private messages to people and laugh about it either, strange indeed. Put it down to experience and move on, unless you have feelings for him? you would of had to look him up on FB to know his bloked you, so your spending a bit of time here stressing about someone you apparently don't have feelings for. If you don't then it should be very easy for you to say stuff him and forget about it.
Mandy x
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