A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need advice for a problem I'm having. I. engaged to be married to my lovely partner. She looks after me, is caring, loves me, and I love her lots too. There is no doubt in my mind that I am doing the right thing marrying her. The only thing that causes a problem in a relationship is sex. We don't have a lot of it. I have a lot higher sex drive than her. When we do have sex, it is good, but not amazing, everything else in the relationship is fine.We have always had a very open minded relationship and when we go out actively enjoy flirting with other people, together as a couple. I never goes further than flirting. It's a turn on for us and there go home and have sex. However this is usually few and far between due to partners low sex drive.As much as I love my partner I have a friend who I am really sexually attracted to. She really, really, gets me going. I would never ever cheat and I cannot e press that enough but I was wondering how to do deal with this situation? Both is woman flirts with me a lot, and I with her, but it goes no further. Bit like when my partner and I do it, except this time it's just me. Te attract is purely sexual and I find myself turned on by her.How do I deal with this? I am torn. I don't know if I should just flirt with this woman and lay all my card on the table making sure she knows that this is just flirtatious or if I should just distance myself?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 February 2013):
 iAmHereToHelpYou is spot on
there is no emotion in fun flirting.... if you have feelings for someone then if you are partnered you are playing with fire.
I'm happily married. I'm an outrageous flirt but I don't consider anyone I flirt with as a partner because I would never cheat on my partner.
To be honest OP, I would be very concerned about you marrying this woman.... while you say you are ok with the disparity in sex drives, I can assure you over time it will get worse.... add children and running a home and you may never get sex with your then wife.
Think long and hard about whether or not you will be able to do this for the duration of your marriage....
I really think that if you guys are that open minded you need to talk to your fiancee and decide how you will cope with the disparity in your sex drives... if she's on hormonal birth control that may be her problem and she may need to switch to a different one...
if not, well then will you be allowed to have a lover later on? WITH PERMISSION? if not, how will you cope with lack of sex?
A
female
reader, Sylph +, writes (16 February 2013):
I understand you and your partner are both open minded in the relationship, and I am sure she would feel pretty hurt knowing you feel like this, but are not telling her. Be true to your partner. Do not even contemplate cheating. Please. Talk to your partner about sex, you don’t have to increase the number of times you have sex if you have a higher drive than her, you could upgrade it from good to amazing, by trying new positions, role-play perhaps. You can even have threesomes if you would really like to have sex with this woman you’re flirting with. Make sure you give your fiancé an equal chance to choose who she wants to involve with the threesome next time. I congratulate you on knowing that cheating is not the solution. Talk this out with your partner, and I am sure she will be more than happy and more than willing to improve your sex drive.
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