A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A while ago back in college i was friends with this girl. we werent best friends but we hung around in the same social circles. as time went on i developed a crush on her and so i gathered up the courage to let her know how i felt. I got her alone an basically told her that i thought she was really attractive. She then said that she was flattered but doesnt feel the same way. (at the time she had some boyfriend who would buy her loads of stuff and carry her in his car) After telling her how i felt she was quick to say that our little altercation should remain between us and that no one else should know which gave me the feeling that she was embarrased or something. She also said that we should remain just friends. However the following months were anything but. She completely avoided all eye contact with me and we never spoke. She also stayed as far away from me physically as she could. No one else in our group of friends noticed it and it resulted in me being alienated and almost ostracised.I wasnt bothered by the fact that she rejected me as im used to it but how she acted as if i was carrying some disease and wasnt a human being worthy of being recognised. I felt really worthless and i just want to know why she pretended like she didn't know me at all and why she was embarrased. Help me plzzz
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i don't think he was her boyfriend just a guy she was seeing (it wasn't official as far as i know. I was ostracized from her first and then slowly to the others but from her the most. It was as if i was invisible. I just ignored her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2010): I feel she is taking this too far, acting like u are diseased and worthless, a simple "im flattered" and keeping a bit of distance would have done it if u are ferinds. but.... you shouldnt have said that knowing she had a b/f, that was not the wisest thing to do to someone who had a b/f, u knew this. She might have thought that you were coming on to her and may have been threatened, felt weird and is embarrassed, she has a b/f and needs time, staying physically away from you is normal, she is wary of you.
how were you ostracised? from others too or just her? By pretending not to know you she is making it obvious to others, (u said u had the same social circle?) that something is up between you and that is making others think. Leave her be, ignore her, dont talk to her, dont be nasty, but just leave her be, spend time with other friends, make sure she isnt around when u see yr friends, as she is so p*****d off. If u get the chance apologise sincerely, keep it short and make sure that she understand that you mean it, make sure u mean it. DONT seek her out to apologise, only do it if she approaches you and is calm.
thats all i got, hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, Bliz  +, writes (4 January 2010):
This sounds like a pretty normal and reasonable reaction on her part.
Basically, she has a boyfriend (you knew that too) and you two have mutual friends. She is giving you some space since she rejected you, doesn't want things to be weird between her and her boyfriend, and doesn't want things to be weird in your circle of friends rumor-wise.
Let her be, she isn't doing anything to hurt you, instead she is trying to take the high road by not spreading the story about you approaching her even though she has/had a boyfriend.
You feeling might be hurt, which makes this all seem weird or cruel, but she isn't doing anything wrong and she isn't trying to hurt you.
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