A
female
age
51-59,
*ellcat
writes:i have been married for 14 years...the last 2 hell on earth...we had marriage problems 3 years ago i tried to talk to my husband but he ingored me , hoping the problem would go away..it got worse..i felt a stranger in my own home, he seemed to be with the children all the time but never me ..life became worse, i tired everything to get him to deal with me and our problem but he ignored me..i thought he didnt care..i met a man and had a emotional affair, letters phone calls..he found out and i fully explained that no one would have got near me but i was vunerable and felt alone, it was my husband i wanted..i wanted to know if my husband wanted me for me ..so we both decided to be apart for hime to court me, show he loved me..he swore hed show me how much he loved me... withi 6 weeks i found out he was seeing someone, we had still slept together , the sex was great too, i found out hed lied and cheated .. i tried to kill myself..my world was shattered... when i came home from the hospital i had to come back to him as i wasnt allowed to be bymyself..i was on medication and broken, i hoped he could fix me.he beat me screamed at me and lied, i found out web sites hed been on advertising himself as single.. he still denied it all..he never once told me the truth, never explained...since then 18months down the line.we still fight on an off he cant handle any situation that comes out of the blue..whatever it it its my fault.. he was arrested 4 weeks ago for us fighting but i wouldnt press charges.all this time he has promised he loves me..im the one for him..but i have never seen any sign of this once..again he promises he will never loose his temper again but still does.. i feel worthless and have flash backs still of him and this woamn and the way he treated me at my lowest ebb..... when hes ok hes fine but i have so many emotional scars inside of me i feel worthless inside and although im not unattractive to other men, i feel he is the only one that doesnt look at me that way......its all so complicated.... i have children so this is not all about just what i want either ..i have tried so hard and stayed..why did my near perfect man fail me fail us ....im at a loss..does anyone know how i feel or am i just pathetic ? x
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, marylouisel123  +, writes (23 November 2010):
Sweetie i hae been there and i can tell you the abuse never stops unless you get off the merry-go-round...my children suffered because i stayed and now they too are scared and sad..please get out you can do it..its hard but you will get the love and kindness from around the corner if thats what u truly want ...but get away from him..he has his cake and eats its too so the saying goes....please leave him you are worth so much more....
A
female
reader, hellcat +, writes (22 November 2010):
hellcat is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you all for your very helpful replys, and concern..i have been through counciling and perhps i have come across more unstable then i am ..although all u have said is i agree very clear advice and it helps that the things i have been consdering are the right things for me and my children..i guess i just needed to have a clear mind that i had tried everything to stay in the marriage before i gave up and left.
i appreciate ur honesty very much and value this , as people agreeing with me isnt helpful or constructive.
my husband has asked for one last chance, but i assure myself that this is the last opportunity he will have at least not loose his mind when reality strikes , as for the marriage well i do fear there is nothing left of that to salvage, but i hope that as we have known each other for so long and have 2 children we may be able to be civil to each other.
i do have support of frineds and my father. and once again im touched that so many have responded.
thank you all for your wise words..which i completly will absorb...
...............................
A
female
reader, hellcat +, writes (22 November 2010):
hellcat is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your very helpful replys, and concern..i have been through counciling and perhps i have come across more unstable then i am ..although all u have said is i agree very clear advice and it helps that the things i have been consdering are the right things for me and my children..i guess i just needed to have a clear mind that i had tried everything to stay in the marriage before i gave up and left.
i appreciate ur honesty very much and v
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): With all due respect I think DC is not the right forum for you. You need urgent counselling and this forum may do u more harm than good , bec u are not in a position to handle brutal honesty.
Hun u need help and you need a professional we are just normal people with too many opinions ( I am the worse), so with due respect plse make an appointment with a professional.
My heart bleeds for you but I think my take on your life right now would not be viewed in the most favourable light.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Please get professional help for your sake and your childrens. You are in an abusive relationship and there are a number of helplines out there for people in you situation.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): Do not allow a 'next time' for him to beat you. his beatings will get worse. In future do not believe a word he says. He is a liar and a cheat. You will certainly need a lot of support in the aftermath of leaving him. But leave him you must.
Please do get urgent legal advice. To protect you and your children.
He is no longer the man you married, and never will be. Sas nut
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 No you are not pathetic, and dont ever think that you are. It should of been awake up call for him when you tried to kill yourself but instead he treated you like dirt and starting getting violent, to me that shows he doesnt love you as much as he should.
you are unhappy right now and this is not going to change unless you get out of this marriage, i know that it is very hard, but he is treating you like dirt and he is being violent to you, which shows he has a temper and you just dont know how far he will go, he said he would prove to you he loved you but he hasnt and i think that it is time to let go.
As the childrens mother you will get full custody, especially if it goes to court and you can show that he has been violent to you, the police were called therefore that will be on record, take the kids and set up a home for you and them, just remember kids sense when there in a unhappy enviornment and this will be affecting them to, so if you cant do this for yourself then do it for the sake of your children, get out now while you can.
He is also still entitled to pay mainteneance for the children up until the are 18, in some countries even 21 so once you are out file for divorce and file for maintenance, you gave him a chance and he didnt live up to it, therefore you have tried everything you can, you need to accept now that he just doesnt love you the way you love him, and once you are setteled with the children then go out and make some friends, join a class or a group that will get you out of the house and get to meet people. Believe me i know that this is going to be very hard for you but you need to find the strength within you to do it, as it will be better for you and your children in the long run.
...............................
A
female
reader, Outspoken1016  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Sweetheart you are nowhere near pathetic my dear. My heart hurts for you so much pain placed on one person. My dear you need help professional help talk to someone that can help you to heal and build back up your self confidence.Beating you is NOT ok in any way shape or form. He needs profession help as well. Love makes you do crazy things and allows your tolerance for abuse to be higher. However think of those children you have do you want them to believe that hitting is ok along with the emotional abuse you live in everyday.Please go talk to someone and if you can’t or won’t do that at least talk out loud it will help you to voice your fears and make them real.
...............................
A
male
reader, ant666 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 please do yourself a favor, end things, hes hit you thats never right, i fully belive if your wanting to be in a relation ship you should shower them with your love and affection, which you stated that isnt happening, i feel for you really .. i grew up around domestic violence, and its not good, cut yourself some slcak, once you get over him your happieness will gradualy return,
...............................
|
