A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Am a married woman having an affair with a married man, we both decided not to upset our respective personal lives because of our affair. From the begining controlled everything in our relationship ( laid down the rules like no phone,text,contact after office hrs, embarked the limits)upon confronting him on flirting with a girl in office, he said"you are no one to ask me, it’s none of your business, you are not part of my life”. He stopped talking to me(though we still work in the same),cut all the ties off, blocked me from all the social networking sites. I am guilty(Its killing me)wants to work on my married life, and wants to be happy with my husband and never want to repeat this mistake ever.I want to understand the reason of his ill behavior(it hurts),is it because he is having someone else in his life (apart from the girl he is flirting with) or/and he scared of me informing his wife about his affairs and screwing up his family life and image. What should I do now?
View related questions:
affair, flirt, married man, married woman Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2012): Thank you So much for your replies, am feeling much better now. not crying, no tears. Trying to move on, keeping myself busy with work and personal life. discussed with my husband about his unattentiveness towards me and about No physical Love in our marriage. Things are improving. Just want to be at peace with life now. Thanks all.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 September 2012):
 Make no mistake, you are no victim, your spouses are the victims.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): You obviously DO have an emotional attachment to him if it kills you to watch him flirt with someone else the point that you want to put an end to his serial cheating.
No you don't have a right to do anything about it, he's making the rod for his own back and eventually it will stick in.
Just be thankful you still have a marriage to go home to, and play no part in the outcome of his infidelity because as another said, if you land him in it, he can just as willingly land you in it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): Thanks all for your responses, Guilty of what I have done, realized my mistake. Moving on and working on my marriage.am really happy spending more and more time with my husband. learnt my lesson hard way.
I knw I don’t have any right to ask this, but should this jerk get away with this? go on with his serial cheating? it kills to see him doing it infront of me( I don’t Love him or have any romantic feelings for him, but it hurts because I know I am a willing and complaint victim of a hit and run lover ).
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 September 2012):
I love this: " we both decided not to upset our respective personal lives because of our affair." How very thoughtful of you both, sheesh. If you think he might be worried that you'd rat him out to his wife, remember he can do the same to you. No I think the reason for his "ill behavior" is simply the fact that he's found fresh meat and has tossed you aside. I'm glad you have decided to work on your marriage, it's high time.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): "His ill behavior"? I think the whole thing has been ill behavior on both your parts.
I guess there's a saying "You reap what you sow".
How long did you expect this affair to last? Affairs don't last forever. At some point there needs to be a decision to either get together officially, or call it off altogether.
As if you didn't know what kind of person he was before, cheating on his wife, you sure do now. But to be honest, you're no better. The only difference is, you didn't call the affair off for yet another person.
If you want to reconcile with your husband, then you need to forget about him, accept what you did as a weak mistake that will not happen again, and focus on making your marriage better.
Don't worry why your fling guy did what he did, he's destined to be found out sooner or later, THAT he can't blame on you. If you want to take anything from this situation, let it be the lesson that affairs aren't always the bed of roses they first appear to be.
Good luck with the marriage.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 September 2012):
 do you really thing that just because YOU and HE decided not to upset your respective personal lives that it works that way?
The reason for his "ill behavior" as you call it is because the man is a user and abuser.
HE did not care about you nor does he care about you all he cares about is himself.
YOU mean nothing to him... truly that's probably the only true thing he has ever said to you...
what to do...
forget about him
consider some counseling
you lied and cheated on your spouse.... you need to make peace with that..
counseling will help.
good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (21 September 2012):
What should you do now? Forget about him. You weren’t ever a part of his life, it was an affair and he ditched you when he’d had enough. When you got annoyed by him flirting with another girl, he realised that you were starting to develop feelings for him and that was never meant to happen so he cut you out and moved on. Think about how hurt you are now, and realise that pain like this is the only thing that can come out of an affair like this. Focus on rebuilding your marriage and having a strong relationship with your husband and keep your distance from this other man.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
