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Frank B Kermit
writes:Frank Guide To Speed DatingBy Frank Kermit, RelationshipsEvery way to meet someone new is a good way. Though friends, through the Internet, blind dates, approaching someone you want to meet, at a workshop, matchmaking companies, business conventions…if you want to meet new people, there is no bad way to do it. One of my personal favorite ways is Speed Dating.Speed Dating is when they take a group of people, try to evenly have the same number of men and women, and while the women sit in the same seat all night, every 5-7 minutes a new man sits down and they have a quick “date”. The idea is to meet as many people as you can in one evening, and based on an up to 7 minute interaction decide if you want to date the person you just got to know. You submit your survey of whom you would and would not like to date to the organizers and they attempt to match up the people that have both indicated a positive response to seeing each other again. Only those people matched up get a call or an email with the other person’s contact information that matched up with them as saying they would like to date. Then it is up to the individuals to take action to actually set up a real date.I love Speed Dating, and even met one of the best girlfriends of my life through a speed-dating event. Here are some tips if you are eager to try it out for yourself.1.Speed Dating events usually have some form of entertainment at the beginning of the night. Often it will be a guest speaker related to the field of dating, or a stand up comedian. One thing to be prepare for is that sometimes the entertainment can be very un-calibrated and make their entire shtick about how horrible relationships are, or joke about worst dating experiences. If you are going to organize a Speed Dating event yourself, make sure to get someone that can be entertaining, inspiring and someone who loves dating and relationships and who will encourage all the participants to have fun. If you are attending a speed dating event, keep in mind that the entertainment simply may not be up to par, and don’t let it affect your mood that night. (One of the worst speed dating events I ever went too was my very first one. Hosting the evening was a single author of relationship books, and all she did was remind everyone about their own personal relationship horror stories by being negative about her past dating life the entire routine. All that did was put many of the participants in an uneasy spirit. That speed dating company no longer exists by the way.)2.Everyone starts with a “Yes”. Speed Dating is not a time to be too picky. You are all there for the same reason…to meet someone new. Do not be so quick to disqualify someone for superficial reasons. Go in with the mindset that everyone you meet is date-able, and that you will only mark someone as a “No thank you” if they do something that is a blatant sign you would not want to date them. I have often seen the same people attend multiple Speed Dating events, and decide on the third or fourth meeting to say “Yes” to dating and end up enjoying their time together. If they had been more open-minded they could have dated right after the first meeting at the first speed-dating event.3.Beware of plants. When a Speed Dating company holds an event and ends up being short in the number of a particular gender, they will call in “plants”. Plants are people that aren’t actually interested in meeting anyone new; the plants are just there to fill up a seat and even out the numbers. They could be already involved in a serious relationship (usually with someone organizing the Speed Dating event) or a friend of a friend that was called in on a favor, to help out the organizers to fill seats. Since these people having nothing invested in the evening (including not having paid to participate), they have less pressure and end up having more fun in the speed date conversations. This has led many actual participants interested in dating the plants, and mistakenly holding out from saying, “Yes” to other participants who were actually emotionally available. This is why you say “Yes” to as many people as possible, so that you do not get sidetracked by an attractive plant that never had any interest in being a potential partner for you.4. Keep your questions about compatible values, not statistical information. What a person does for work, how many siblings a person has, and what their favorite color might be nice small talk, but it does not tell you how this person is going to treat you in a relationships nor does it reveal if you would be able to get along long term. I often suggest questions that explore a person’s soul such as, “What would you do if you won one million dollars?” The answer to a question like this will reveal what a person’s priorities, values, and interests are, and you will be able to better judge whether or not this is a person you can potentially find love with.5. When you get your matches, whether it is one match, or 7 matches, make sure to contact each one right away and have a quick coffee date with each person as soon as possible. There is no point in waiting. You both know you are both interested to date one another. This is no time for head games. Part of the reason it is important to reach out and connect with someone, is that some people immediate start to seriously date the first person they meet up with from a Speed Dating event regardless of how many matches they get, and when a second match contacts them, the second match gets turned away for no other reason than they were too slow to act. Always be the first.If you ever happen to attend a Speed Dating event that I am hosting, please do say hello.Frank Kermit is a relationship coach available for private coaching. He is a best selling author, educator, relationship columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the CJAD 800 AM radio program Passion. Come out and meet Frank in person at Frank’s weekly relationship workshops offered every Saturday night from 7pm to 9pm. />
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