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Why did my ex say cruel things to hurt me, or was it to get me to leave him alone?

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 November 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *udrey21 writes:

I will try to not make this too long...my boyfriend told me two months ago that he needed a break after only 4 months it was long distance but not impossible to give it a chance! We had just spent a month together he came with me to another contry to meet my family and by the end of the trip it was obvious to us and others that we had fallen in love! So he wanted this break and it hurt me terribly we both kept competing to have the upper hand! Once i actually agreed to the break i had a huge email that same nite from him saying that he was so confused and wished we lived in the same town and was sorry for never taking me out and treating me(which was frequently brought up by me i never felt he put in the same effort as i would always go to see him and he never had money not even on our trip) this email had me in shock he said i was the love of his life but that breaking was for the best i had no idea wat it meant. After that for the past 4 we had an argument then no contact then i contact him and we chatted nicely he appeared to miss me and b having a tough time aswell but he never asked for me back which i definatly wanted. I have been texting and facebooking him i have kept the contact because i miss him and i am so heartbroken its unreal! I regret it tho i took it upon myself to messeg a girl on his facebook who he has been chatting to telling her to stay away from him.....i was very drunk! Next thing i know i have about 5 texts frm him one after the other calling me a sket! And that he has slept w 3 girls since the break also the whole time we were together he was sleeping with someone and many many more hurtfull things!!!! I admit i have been bothering him but there is no reason i should have been spoken to like that! Im 22 and that is the meanest thing any guy has said to me! Please help me understand why he lashed out on me this way???? (by the way i dont plan on talking to him ever again)

View related questions: a break, drunk, facebook, heartbroken, long distance, money, my ex, text

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A female reader, audrey21 United Kingdom +, writes (10 November 2010):

audrey21 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Yep i am definatly not going to bother him again and can i just add that this girl does live double the distance frm me but he met her on his holiday!

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A male reader, Jmtmj Australia +, writes (10 November 2010):

Jmtmj agony auntYou msged a girl on his facebook, whilst broken up, telling her to stay away from him... He's angry, that's why he lashed out. But that doesn't matter anyways does it, because you're going to delete him from your life... right?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010):

He more than likely said those things because he was trying to get with that other girl on facebook. Now that you've told her to leave him alone that could jeopardize his chances with her. Anyway, don't waste anymore time worrying about it he's her problem now.

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A female reader, Viv Acious United Kingdom +, writes (10 November 2010):

Hello. Sorry to hear about your break-up and sorry to hear about being heartbroken.

First of all, I am glad to hear that you will not be contacting this man again. He sounds full of love and happiness, doesn't he? Whether he did sleep with the other girls or whether he didn't, the information is aimed to wound and to give you a definite message to back off. It is over from his perspective. Maybe he did and maybe he didn't but it means go away.

I understand that you were drunk when you decided to send 'back-off' (i assume with an aggressive tone) messages to, let's face it, a stranger but I am sure you know that was going to be an explosion as a result. Maybe it was a girl he is dating and maybe it is was a friend but it is not her fault if he is pursuing her. From his point of you, you had crossed a line and no-one likes to be embarrassed or have their life invaded. This, to me, would account for his attack.

Long-distance relationships are incredibly tough to maintain. The important fact to grasp is that it is over and get on with your life. Delete his number, take him off your facebook account, delete all messages and go and pamper yourself. Have a girl night out, go dancing and build up your self-esteem.

Best of luck to you.xx

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