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Why did my ex girlfriend do this?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 November 2012) 10 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2013)
A male Canada age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm very disturbed by an action my ex girlfriend did.

Why I don't like her in any way is because, when she dumped me, she lied to me, and wanted to be friends.

This is why I don't like, nor do I trust her.

However, this action isn't what disturbed me.

(Part 1).

I have a High-Functionning Autism and Asperger's. She has known this even before I started dating her. I know she is a big liar, as she does NOT have Autism. At all. Yet, she repins an Autism pin on Pinterest. Why would she do this???? I ended all friendship with her, she acknowledged it, told me the same, and, now, she's uploading Autism pins on her Pinterest???? Is she (Blanked out)-ing kidding me? She knows nobody else with Autism. She did the Pinterest thing, only a few weeks ago.

She has started to date another guy right after having rejected me. Since then, they've been dating over a year. So, if she expects to worm her way back to me, she has another think coming, as due to her sugarcoating, her credibility's more worthless than.... let's just say.... fecal matter.

(Part 2).

I don't have an account for that site, nor do I have the intention to start one, now. However, I do intend to report that pin for fraudulent use. Should I?

View related questions: ex girlfriend, liar, my ex

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (22 April 2013):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntSo you can take control by either blocking her or removing her as a friend. Don't put too much thought in to it, just do it. And carry on with your life as before the 'unblock'.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Humph.... today, I discover that she has Unblocked me. When I was blocked, I felt like I was in Heaven. However, now, I have a hard time knowing what her motives are. It felt good to know she had blocked me, as it helped me move on. Now, again, I have a hard time with the knowledge of the Unblock.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (27 November 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt OP, similar sounding posts is an euphemism , there was a guy your age posting about the very same situation ( liar ex gf, new bf, stalking allegations, anxiety attacks etc. ) and the details- as well as his choice of terms ,were very, very similar.

Anyhow, it does not really matter, and does not change the substance of my advice , which is , you need to move on, you need to train yourself not to waste time over why and how she acts , you need ,when you find yourself tempted by these exrecises in mind reading, to pinch yourself, shrug and say : who cares .

Yes, moving on is not easy and is not pain free- nobody ever said it was. You can expected to be reminded of teh past and feel unpleasant feelings about it, that's normal for a while, the important is that you keep tryng. Good luck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (27 November 2012):

Honeypie agony auntWhy is she still curious about Autism? Honestly, til you met a person, or know a person who has or has dealt with an affliction you may not pay much attention to it. (I mean a general you, not you specifically)

The thing is though, it's impossible to know 100% WHY people do what they do.

And unless whatever she Pin-interest was really negative, I wouldn't worry about it. It might not have ANYTHING to do with you. I love watching Pin-interest about nail decorations, but I would NEVER on my life go have my nails done, I think it looks cool - but it's not for me. Does that mean I shouldn't see what creative people can do with nail polish?

Set yourself free of her - let her belong in your past - whatever she does today is none of your concern and you should be none of hers.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (27 November 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony auntOP, I'll explain what I meant by telling you a bit about me.

I had a relationship with a guy who had an unusual medical problem. I had never heard of it before I met him. I got to know him, got to know about his condition and was interested in learning about it. I still am interested in learning about the condition even though I'm no longer with him. I would like to do my bit in raising awareness of his uncommon and misunderstood condition. And I am completely over him!

So if I saw a really interesting article about it, I might decide to 'share' it on Facebook, for example. The same way I recently shared an article about another medical condition which affects a friend of mine. My ex boyfriend is not on Facebook, so I would not expect him to read that post/ article. Even if he did, I know - and he knows - that we have both moved on, so it wouldn't be directed at him per se and he wouldn't be bothered.

I honestly don't think she meant to violate you. She did it without thinking that 1) you would ever see it, and 2) if you did, it would upset you.

I feel that you're investing far too much thought and emotion in to something that isn't actually significant. I hope that isn't too blunt; I'm just trying to be clear.

I spent ages trying to get this answer right so please feel free to read and re-read!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So_Very_Confused, I'm not stalking anybody - a friend of mine showed me the pin before realizing who it was from. That is how I found out about it - and, I just feel that there is something fishy about it. I try to move on. But, every attempt, she does something that disturbs me, and I just want to view her as a stranger that isn't important. I know I'll dial 9-1-1 if she steps on my property. The ex will be an intruder if she even dares simply turn around. That is how much I feel that she is unwelcome in my life.

Honeypie, Why would she be curious about the spectrum, if she knows that she has badly hurt an Autistic man? Don't worry - I blocked her after telling her I no longer valued her as a friend from being a deceptive individual. I get a feeling that once I leave this dimension, some dumpers might get visited by my spirit, telling them not to sugarcoat the dumpee.

CindyCares, What do you mean, that I "Posted again"? This is my first inquiry, I swear. There probably are similar sounding posts? In any case, my ex showed her true colors by betraying trust, and nearly being an indirect cause of anxiety attacks.

Daisy_Daisy, Why should the conditions be any of her business, if she has agreed to not have anything to do, with me? I feel very violated, by her.

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A female reader, Daisy_Daisy United Kingdom +, writes (26 November 2012):

Daisy_Daisy agony aunt No, I don't think you should report the pin for fraudulent use because she probably didn't do it in a way to be hurtful or disrespectful, or even to 'sugarcoat' you. Since you don't have an account, she probably didn't think you'd even be aware of it.

You haven't been friends with her for a year so you don't really know that her interest in autism is directly to do with you. She might have made new friends, she might know someone else with autism. She might just be more 'aware' of it since knowing you, and want to raise other people's awareness, but it still doesn't mean the pin was put there for your attention.

I really don't think she means anything by it.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (26 November 2012):

CindyCares agony aunt OP, you have posted again about this girl and her bf, and I'd say that for your own good , it's really really time that you STOP giving so much time and interest to what she does thinks or says. You have Asperger's , not OCD, right ? - so , do make an effort to move on definitely and focus your attention on other stuff.

You broke up a year ago. She is dating someone else. You don't like her , don't respect her, she is a liar.

She is gone, so good riddance .

I know, the point of your post is that you feel that she is not totally gone, in fact you fear she is planning to come back. But

a ) that 's not the case , at least if you base your theory on such a flimsy evidence. Why can't she be interested in Autism , without being Autistic herself, and without wanting to date an Autistic guy ?? I am fascinated with personality disorders, for instance,- I don't have a personality disorder, and if I meet a man who has one , I'd RUN- yet I am very interested in learning more about this subject.

b ) even if she meant to come back to your life ( which I don't think at all ) - well, " she's got another thing coming ". You have decided how you would handle the matter, and are perfectly capable of handling it. She won't worm her way back into her life, because you can stop her from doing it, if needs be.

But, there won't be such a need. Rest easy, and turn your thoughts to the furure, not to the past.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (26 November 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI'm sorry you are still hurting for how she treated you, but in all honesty she can Pin-interest ANY subject she wants. Maybe dating you made her curious or fascinated with Autism.

People Pin-interest all kind of stuff, like some choose cancer, but they don't have it or know someone close to them who have it or has battled it - know what I mean?

I would suggest you block her from all your social sites - not sure if you can for Pin-interest but I would look into it. Don;t look and wonder at what she is doing on that website it really doesn't matter WHAT she does. As long as she doesn't put your name out there or anyone else, she is pretty much free to do as she pleases.

Let her go, don't keep her around in your mind. It is like holding on to bad feelings.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (26 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntOh sweetie… you are in pain and I’m sorry. If she is dating another guy and it’s been a year I do not think she’s trying to worm her way back into your good graces. She’s with another guy. Just because she posts a picture supporting Autism does not mean she’s trying to get into your good graces.

IF you broke up over a year ago why are you “stalking” her… why do you even care what she says or does? If you broke up a year ago how do you know what her friendship circle is like, maybe her new boyfriend has a friend with Asperger’s or something… She’s an EX. She’s been an ex for a year… you need to let this go.

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